Love, Drugs and BDSM...

[Wakeup]

^^ One who respects the girl he has the emotions for?
One who knows himself and won't settle for less than what he wants
One who doesn't want to be the one with the least amount of power in that sexual dynamic?
One who actually uses his big head along with all those previous boundaries.
Contrary to popular belief, those type of men do exist and they make one helluva great life partner.

*To add: Cafe obviously has plenty of options that he could be doing without doing someone that he is emotionally attached to and it being so ambiguous.

Maybe he is taking what he can get?

Well, isn't that obvious? The question is, why does he settle when he has so many options? Is he making her "the prize" is another.

[TheCafeTerrace]

We already told you way back at the beginning of your thread. If you want her for more than sport fking then why would you sport fk her?

Because it's fun, and because I know that's all I can have at the moment. She doesn't want to do the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. But if I can have the occasional tender moments, sex and friendship then I won't turn those things down.

There are far too many women that you don't love that you could be doing that with. No? You'd think that if you have true romantic feelings for her that you wouldn't use her for a warm wet place to masturbate and she wouldn't use you for a dildo with arms. Surely sex with her is more than just scratching an itch to you? No?

Yeah, she is more than scratching an itch, and I do have romantic feelings for her, but I still like sleeping with her and my libido is through the roof. Why would having romantic feelings stop me sleeping with her? To be honest it's nice sleeping with someone whose company I really enjoy in a non-sexual way too. I know I risk sounding like a bit of a twat saying this, but a lot of people I've slept with bore me.

Maybe he is taking what he can get? If all she is willing to have with him right now is a sexual relationship then he is just getting what he can.

Exactly.

Cafe is a guy...what guy turns down sex b/c his emotions are involved?

One who respects the girl he has the emotions for?
One who knows himself and won't settle for less than what he wants
One who doesn't want to be the one with the least amount of power in that sexual dynamic?
One who actually uses his big head along with all those previous boundaries.
Contrary to popular belief, those type of men do exist and they make one helluva great life partner.

I have a lot of respect for this girl, whether or not I have sex with someone is usually neither here nor there in regards to my respect for them. Only whether or not I'm attracted to them has any bearing on that, and those are two pretty separate attributes in my mind (ie respect and attraction). I'm not bothered about who has the power in a sexual dynamic. I'm not interested in any of that, I refuse to play mind games with anyone - I've already laid all my cards on the table and it's up to her what she wants to make of it. If she still wants to sleep with me now and then I'm pretty open to that, but I'm not going to stop myself seeing other people and I'm not going to be angry if she finds someone else (although privately I'd be pretty jealous, but I've been through that three times before in the last few years so it's not new).

I could actually do with your guys advice on a related situation atm... The thing is that I was talking to a friend of mine on facebook yesterday, I'll be moving in with her as of this time next week in a 5-bedroom student house with two other girls and a guy (all good friends of mine from uni). Basically we somehow got talking about 50 shades (terrible book) and the natural progression of the conversation was my penchant for that sort of stuff and some of the sex toys we had each acquired in the last few months - she's quite a kinky one too. We slept with each other a few times last Aprilish - for reasons too tedious to go into here I know for a fact that for both of us it was just a casual no strings attached thing for a couple of weeks. Pretty much we dirty facebook chatted for a while last night and I think she wants to have some fun when she moves in. I almost stopped myself when I though of my friend, but then I realised I have no obligation to. I just wasn't sure if it's a good idea to sleep with her or not next week because she's going to be living with me for about 9 months. Plus I was also thinking it might wreck my chances with my friend, if any chance still exists there. I doubt the thought of me ****ing my housemate will rest well in her mind if she had any feelings for me at all, she already thinks I'm some sort of sexual juggernaut.

Sorry about the long post... I think I'm just letting out a stream of consciousness about some of what's on my mind, like some sort of weird therapy.

[Maple1714]

hmmm...maybe put off the sex with the roommate until you see your girl at that party you talked about? OR do whatever you want b/c if your girl really does have feelings for you then she will not judge you. She is your long time friend...I am sure she wouldn't judge you for anything anyway. BUT be honest with her always...tell her you are seeing other people.

[Wakeup]

Why would having romantic feelings stop me sleeping with her?

because, as I said.. what happens when/if you get left behind as you fall more and more for her as you emotionally connect but she's thinking you're temporary. Karma for breaking other girls hearts who have thought that sex will garner them a relationship with you? You know yourself better than I but I wonder why you would settle for this when you could be doing NSA with anyone ~ like your room-mate to be for instance? Anyway, you know yourself better than anyone and it's obvious you're not ready to be monogamous or be with just one anytime soon so it's neither here nor there I suppose.

I would suggest that Miss Room-mate might get a little possessive if you do her on a continuous basis and you're living together though. Tread carefully. You ****ing more than the girl you really want to be with (without a qualm) would be one very good reason why the girl of your dreams doesn't want to commit to you. You're simply not sexually compatible as far as personal boundaries goes. Just a guess because I don't know, perhaps she's just as promiscuous? No judgement... just sayin.

[Wakeup]

OR do whatever you want b/c if your girl really does have feelings for you then she will not judge you.

Oh, if only relationships were so simple.

[TheCafeTerrace]

because, as I said.. what happens when/if you get left behind as you fall more and more for her as you emotionally connect but she's thinking you're temporary.

I can't help but think it's worth it anyway... I wouldn't avoid being with someone because it would be painful to lose them. I like being with her, and I never get bored of her company. I don't think not sleeping with her is going to lessen the fall at all anymore anyway, that one can't be undone.

You know yourself better than I but I wonder why you would settle for this when you could be doing NSA with anyone ~ like your room-mate to be for instance?

I probably will. It's not like a choice here, if this girl doesn't want to have a relationship with me then I'm not going to stop sleeping with other people.

Karma for breaking other girls hearts who have thought that sex will garner them a relationship with you?

I really can't be blamed for that I think. I'm open and honest about what I want and what I'm prepared to give. If I think they're too involved emotionally I don't sleep with them - last February I had a girl I know say to me (and subsequently send me drunken texts on a fairly regular basis) that she was madly in love with me, and I didn't sleep with her for that reason even though obviously if was pretty much handed to me on a plate. I just said I didn't think of her that way and we were better just as mates.

I really do try to be a good person and I try my best not to hurt anyone, especially my friends, but I can't prevent other people's heartache - I can't even prevent my own heartache.

Anyway, you know yourself better than anyone and it's obvious you're not ready to be monogamous or be with just one anytime soon so it's neither here nor there I suppose.

Actually I think I am ready to be monogamous, but for the last 5/6 years I've only ever wanted to be monogamous with this one girl. I wouldn't bother having a relationship with anyone else I sleep with because I think that 1) they deserve better than someone who really wants to be with someone else and would drop them in an instant if he thought he had a chance with that other person, and 2) I have no interest in being in a relationship with someone I don't care deeply about.

Tread carefully. You ****ing more than the girl you really want to be with (without a qualm) would be one very good reason why the girl of your dreams doesn't want to commit to you.

If I didn't **** anyone other than the girl I really wanted to be with I'd probably still be a virgin.

perhaps she's just as promiscuous?

Nah, you could count the people she's slept with on one hand. Not that I would judge anyone either way.

[iamaninnocentma]

Your posts make my ****ing eyes bleed dude. Nobody wants to read ****ing War and peace on a forum, get to the point ffs.

[IndiReloaded]

Cafe you really do tres overpense, cher. Just put the fbuddy roomie off for a while by telling her you are interested in someone else atm. Tell your friend you 'have been approached by someone [for sex] and are confused [for one of the few times in your life?] b/c you are falling for someone, you aren't sure if she's interested and you wouldn't want her to think badly of you for getting your needs met elsewhere'. Ask her opinion.

If your true lady-love doesn't bite, then you are clear to let your f-oomie to clear the runway, you're coming in for a landing. If she asks, just saw it didn't work out with the gal you were pursuing.

[TheCafeTerrace]

Your posts make my ****ing eyes bleed dude. Nobody wants to read ****ing War and peace on a forum, get to the point ffs.

No one's forcing you to read it my dear, and frankly I don't want to know what you think. I thought the big words would scare you away.

Cafe you really do tres overpense, cher. Just put the fbuddy roomie off for a while by telling her you are interested in someone else atm. Tell your friend you 'have been approached by someone [for sex] and are confused [for one of the few times in your life?] b/c you are falling for someone, you aren't sure if she's interested and you wouldn't want her to think badly of you for getting your needs met elsewhere'. Ask her opinion.

If your true lady-love doesn't bite, then you are clear to let your f-oomie to clear the runway, you're coming in for a landing. If she asks, just saw it didn't work out with the gal you were pursuing.

That's a brilliant idea, I'll do that later when we meet up this afternoon. Hopefully we'll have a few moments alone when I can say it.

[iamaninnocentma]

Thats better. punchy and to the point. Hows this for a big word, youareacocksucker.

[TheCafeTerrace]

It was a good first attempt, but in future remember that big words aren't just lots of little words without spaces. I know a book you might like to try to improve your reading and writing skills - it's about a caterpillar with an unusually large appetite.

Anyway, Indi, I mentioned earlier today about the housemate and stuff. There were loads of us there so I didn't explicitly say to her "would you think badly of me if..." but she did say that she thought it was a bad idea to sleep with a housemate. I got from her body language and from what she said that she was uncomfortable with it, so I said I wouldn't and that I really knew it was a stupid idea to begin with (total lie, but I felt like I had to reassure her in a more firm way that I wouldn't be sleeping with the housemate.)

[MaidenMinx]

It was a good first attempt, but in future remember that big words aren't just lots of little words without spaces. I know a book you might like to try to improve your reading and writing skills - it's about a caterpillar with an unusually large appetite.

This made me lol That was also one of my favourite books as a kid. That and The Monster at the End of This Book. Starring Grover.

Anyway, Indi, I mentioned earlier today about the housemate and stuff. There were loads of us there so I didn't explicitly say to her "would you think badly of me if..." but she did say that she thought it was a bad idea to sleep with a housemate. I got from her body language and from what she said that she was uncomfortable with it, so I said I wouldn't and that I really knew it was a stupid idea to begin with (total lie, but I felt like I had to reassure her in a more firm way that I wouldn't be sleeping with the housemate.)

Either she is slightly jealous of the room mate or her perception of you as a sexual juggernaut has just been increased.
Maybe you need to lay your cards on the table again

[IndiReloaded]

Geeze, look at all those typos. I need an editor.

[Cerulean.]

I'm rootin' for you, Cafe! Your post is very interesting.

[IndiReloaded]

I know a book you might like to try to improve your reading and writing skills - it's about a caterpillar with an unusually large appetite.

Imma might not understand this. Tell him its the book w/a hole in it the size of his penis. That might help.