Telling my friend I love her has killed our friendship

[Florine]

I have fallen in love with my ex-housemate. This was a huge shock for me as I had never been in love with another woman before. Also, she is straight so I realised nothing would happen between us, though this made it no easier. Before I could honestly tell her how I felt, we had a huge falling-out. Shortly before she was due to move back to her home country, I confessed everything in a letter.

Soon after receiving my letter she texted me that I would always be 'the most amazing friend', so she took the bombshell really well. However, things still are not right between us. After 8 months of no contact (after the text) she sent me a 'distant' email on my birthday - in which she said life just got ahead of her and that she was too busy to email - I haven't heard anything from her and I really, really miss her.

I am happy to be finally out, but until this situation is resolved I won't be fully comfortable with my sexuality as it has wrecked such a good friendship. Can we ever just be friends again, or have my feelings caused irreparable damage?

[searock]

I don't think you can be friends with her as long as you have feelings for her. It's best to go no contact and move on. Plenty of fish in the sea :-).

[Wakeup]

I have fallen in love with my ex-housemate. This was a huge shock for me as I had never been in love with another woman before. Also, she is straight (altough she's never been in a real relationship) so I realised nothing would happen between us, though this made it no easier. Before I could honestly tell her how I felt, we had a huge falling-out. Shortly before she was due to move back to her home country, I confessed everything in a letter.

Soon after receiving my letter she texted me that I would always be 'the most amazing friend', so she took the bombshell really well. However, things still are not right between us. After 8 months of no contact (after the text) she sent me a 'distant' email on my birthday - in which she said life just got ahead of her and that she was too busy to email - I haven't heard anything from her and I really, really miss her.

I am happy to be finally out, but until this situation is resolved I won't be fully comfortable with my sexuality as it has wrecked such a good friendship. Can we ever just be friends again, or have my feelings caused irreparable damage?

Check your motives there, Florine. If you only wanted to be "just" her friend then you would have been doing some reaching out to her as friends indeed do. However; you haven't been doing that, or at least you don't say you have been. If you did keep in contact with her, did she not reply?

You hoped she was gay, she's not. You thought you were closer friends then you actually are, but you're not or the distance would not have caused you to drift like it did. Time to face reality and stop stagnating yourself on a wish and a prayer. Find someone who is compatible to yourself, someone who is close by who can nuture a relationship with you in the proper sense. You're wasting your romantic life on fluff. Time to put this behind you.

[Florine]

If you did keep in contact with her, did she not reply?

Yes, that is what happened. After she left I've sent her 3 emails and she never replied to them. I am not blaming her for that, because I understand that she needs her space. At the same time I'm just ready to hop on a plane so we can talk about this over a coffee and become friends again, but that's impossible right now.

[searock]

Florine, ignore Cheeks, s/he's a troll.

[Wakeup]

Yes, that is what happened. After she left I've sent her 3 emails and she never replied to them. I am not blaming her for that, because I understand that she needs her space. At the same time I'm just ready to hop on a plane so we can talk about this over a coffee and become friends again, but that's impossible right now.

Get on with your life without her in it. You are stagnating your own romantic life by clinging to someone who really doesn't want you to continue to be in her life. People come and go out of our lives, particularily people we've formed friendships with whom leave the same city we met them in. Stop being "ready to hop on a plane" so you can talk about your crush with her.. doing so is just folly.