Why does she insist on doing this?

[dantcg]

There's this girl. I never know how else to start threads on these forums! Anyway, so we've been talking/hanging-out doing stuff for a few months now and we, at the very least, really like each other as friends. I have asked her out on an actual date before - but she said that because she's had a bad track record with ruining her relationships and is seeing a psychologist because she's had lots of mental trouble lately that she didn't want to commit to anything in case "she hurt me". I'm not sure if that was just made up, but she did say that deep down she really did want to date me and even game me the option of doing it - but I said that we should just continue the way we had been if that's how she felt most comfortable.

The bottom line is, I like her as a person no matter what - and enjoy being her friend just fine. But, of course, I definitely wouldn't mind more than that. I have to be honest I guess.

Anyway, here's the problem. She makes a bloody point of telling me about EVERY time she "accidentally" makes out with, or almost makes out, or makes out with another guy... the other week she was drunk and some random Brazillian tourist just came up and kissed her. And boy, did I hear that whole story. Yesterday she was at a formal with a guy that she's told me she doesn't like at all - but wanted to goto the formal anyway. I didn't want to hear a thing about it, and even told her half jokingly not to tell me about every guy she makes out with. So what's the first thing she tells me today? "Wanna hear a super-funny story??"... turns out this "hilarious" story is about how she was alone in a room with the guy she went to the formal with who decided to make a move on her and was about to kiss her - and then suddenly a dog came and jumped on her leg and she burst out laughing.

I didn't know what to say... she has to know that I don't want to hear those kind of stories... it's frustrating.

[sickofdrama]

Been there.

I have no answer, in my case she stopped talking to me about that stuff, idk if because I made clear enough that I didnt enjoy listening to it. I told her that I only wanted that subject if she needed help from me on it. In my case she didnt feel attracted to me though.

I'd say this: if you want her to just stop it, get kinda angry with it. If you want her with you, I'm sorry, I cant help at all.

**Oops, didnt see it was for females. My bad

[vashti]

She has "friend-zoned" you, and this is the kind of things young girls discuss with their friends. If you find it difficult to listen to (and I wouldn't blame you if you did), you should quit hanging out with her. She's not really your friend, anyway, so long as you are holding out hope for more.

[dantcg]

Well if she's friendzoned me she did a terrible job. The other week she said we should go on a study date - on which she was telling me about her friend and said; "if she doesnt like the guy, I dont know why she would ask him to his place to study!"... so unless she was being completely hypocritical.

[smackie9]

Dude you told her that it's OK to be friends if that makes her more comfortable and she obviously accepted your offer. You just friend zoned yourself you fool. Stop being her friend and you might have a chance.

[smackie9]

**Oops, didnt see it was for females. My bad

The females on this forum don't mind males posting here.....unlike some males (not to mention any names) ok I will, like sixpac, that cries like a big fickin baby every time a female posts in the male section.

[quietcrazy]

Dude..... she's leading you on, big-time. She's friend-zoned you and she may like you as something potentially more, but not enough to commit to you. It's sounds like your best bet is to cut yourself off from her. Be careful, though. She also sounds very manipulative. Stay strong.

She is not yet mature enough to be able to commit to anyone at this point. You know when you just get out of a relationship you go through a rebound period? You know, you're not ready to start another relationship but you still want to have some adult fun? This sounds like her. I don't know how long ago her last relationship was but it still sounds like she isn't ready for anything serious yet. Do not let her string you along. She is viewing you as a back-up boyfriend which is absolutley NOT what you want.

As far as remaining friends, it may sound like a good idea, except you seem to like this girl too much to be able to maintain a healthy friendship. You can't afford to do that to yourself, emotionally. You deserve a girl that will commit herself to you 100%. And yes, your feelings matter equally as much as any girl you are with. Don't feel like you have to always be available to someone who is not available to you.

[searock]

I think she's just an attention whore, honestly. She likes to make you jealous, enjoys the attention you give her and wants to keep you as emotional support without having to be committed. Tell her that you can't be her "friend" because you have feelings for her and it hurts. Tell her if she changes her mind about going on a date with you, to let you know.

[Cheekss]

r u retarded? what dont you understand?

she told you she have problems cant date you. so why do you keep hanging around like a dog to complain?

[smackie9]

please review Cery's article on how to avoid the friends zone. http://www.loveforum.net/threads/66900-The-quot-Friendzone-quot-How-to-identify-it-and-avoid-it.

[smackie9]

I don't know why everyone is all over her about this. She told him no, he accepted the friendship option. He is the one that opened that door for just being friends. She has not manipulated him, she is not an attention whore (she is not flriting or touching him like GF/BF) She talks about other guys like she would be telling a GF. He only has himself to blame. If he doesn't like it he should have thought it out better, and cut it off right when she said no to dating. If he says friendship is perfectly fine, he is in total denial. We all know that guys that do this, still think that if they stick around, be nice to them, and do everything for them that the girl will see how much of a wonderful BF he will make and fall for them.....ya when pigs can fly!

[Blondi3]

I agree with Smackie9 - you backed yourself into the friend zone way too soon. She's treating you the way she would a friend and your not ready to be that - YET. Don't burn your bridges, just politely get yourself some distance so that you can deal with how you feel and get over it. Get busy for a while - hang out with other people until you feel comfortable and think about whether you really can JUST be friends with this girl. And there's no shame if the answer is No. Yes it would be nice if everyone could be best buds, but sometimes its not possible for perfectly sensible and healthy reasons. Don't beat yourself up about it, just take responsibility for yourself and get your self feeling good about how things are between you.

[dantcg]

I guess you guys might be right - but the reason I was so quick to back-off was because she'd recently been suicidal and the last thing I wanted was to do something that would cause problems. And yeah - I'm quite willing to say that if she's not interested then she has lead me on... she is actually incredibly flirty around me... OK I might start sounding stupid now, but to add to my confusion when she tells me stuff like the stuff in OP - she often tells me that she's in love with me... and I know, she's probably just being a teenager but it doesn't make my situation any better! And recently she rings me and webcams me alll of the time.

[smackie9]

To be desirable is to be less available.....time to cut her off.

[searock]

I'm quite willing to say that if she's not interested then she has lead me on... she is actually incredibly flirty around me... OK I might start sounding stupid now, but to add to my confusion when she tells me stuff like the stuff in OP - she often tells me that she's in love with me... and I know, she's probably just being a teenager but it doesn't make my situation any better! And recently she rings me and webcams me alll of the time.

Attention whore... you have no responsibility for her actions, if she is suicidal there is nothing you can do about it. Think about your own happiness and serenity - being friends with a person you have feelings for is one of the guaranteed ways in life to be unhappy.