Who do people insist on going back to someone who previously treated them poorly?

[jmah]

Say, if someone was put through hell while in a relationship; has broken up with that person, then decided to get back together and then, guess what, the person treats them poorly again. So, they decide to break it off, take a year or so off, then decide that they`re ready to date again and they find someone who treats them like gold. They date them for long while. They tell the person that they love them and when one little thing goes wrong, they dump this good person`s ass and decide that they `never stopped loving their (crazy – my words) ex` and they`re really sorry for hurting the good person, but they`re still in love with the ex`...

The ex claims that she is reformed (no longer an evil person) and, so, one has to jump back into their arms as soon as a little thing goes wrong in the new (good) relationship. Is this person seriously cruel and ****ed up for leading partner number 2 on, when she later claims that her feelings for her ex had never changed..

Messed up, huh..

Bitter..yup!

and more..



For me, I think that I’m more hurt by how it went down. Her sending me an email (cowardly, as far as I’m concerned), telling how she realized that she is still in love with her ex and that her feelings for her ex had never changed. So, my question is, if that were the case, then why say to me (for months and months) that she loves me more than I’ll ever know, that she wanted a life with me, maybe a family? She would say things to me like ‘I wonder if I’m the right person for you?’ (near the end of the relationship). And, since we don’t live close to one another, ‘I don’t know what you do in your daily life”. She claimed that she was worried about this one friend of mine (we’re all lesbians, btw) and she felt threatened by her. Was this all a crock of shit, what she was saying? Maybe, it was her guilty conscious because she herself was feeling something more for her ex. I know that she is insecure and her self-esteem is pretty bad. I know that she’s got a few skeletons in her closet. I now know that she was still very emotionally connected to this ex. —and dysfunctionally so. But, why drag someone else along? Were all the things that she told me lies (her feelings towards me) and everything that we shared, did it mean absolutely nothing to her?

People who know her say that she is one of the nicest people. My family who met her are stunned because they truly liked her and thought she was a genuine person. So, that’s where I’m a bit stumped.

Like I said, I’m more hurt/angry about the fact that I felt that I was being used (?). The not having in her in my life part, is a lot easier, then being played for a fool.

[swargolet]

How long after you her and her ex broke up did she start dating you? and how long did you two date? Also who broke up with who in both instances?

Many times when there is a break-up one or both of the partners now have a large void in their life that they feel they must fill. Often times they move too fast into another relationship just to fill that void even if they still have feelings for the ex. It isn't until sometime down the road that they realize why they entered this new relationship and they see that they entered it for all the wrong reasons.
This might be the case with you. It would be easier to tell if you answered the above questions.

[Cbrider]

People can change and they do.

If the person has the will and desire they can chance. Generally the clues they need are presented right before them, its a matter of will power and understanding after that.

Everyone wants to believe that their "someone" has changed, sad truth is a majority will never pull it off because they simply don't want to.

[Mish]

But, why drag someone else along?

For comfort, convenience, intimacy, all other things that she was no longer getting. It sounds like from what you posted that what the two of you shared did mean something to her, but in the end her feelings for her ex were stronger than for you and so she left. Did she do a bad thing? Yes she did and she probably feels guilty about it (hence the cowardly email). Are you better off now that this low person is out of your life? You bet!

Though the question I have for you, wasn't this something that you expected? You knew she had self esteem problems and skeletons in the closet, you knew her heavy character flaws, didn't you know that she was capable of something like that? You must have on some level.

[jmah]

And here's the kicker. I got a call from her last night. She was sobbing (for an hour and a half); saying that she's going to talk to a counselor about what she had done in regards to me. That she hasn't been able to eat, that she hates who she is and that she still doesn't understand why she did what she did. She insists to this day that she was thinking about 'us' and whether she wanted to be with me on Christmas Eve and that it wasn't until after Christmas (a matter of a day or two) that she realized that she was still in love with ex (right...). Now, she's saying that she doesn't know what she wants. She feels numb towards everyone. She said that her and ex aren't working things out. She says that she hates herself for what she has done. She doesn't like 'that Cris' and needs to know why she did what she did (bullshit as far as I'm concerned). She said that part of her felt as though she didn't deserve me.

Soooo, I told her, I'm sorry, but I don't trust her and have hard time believing anything that she says and that I agree that she needs some major help. She said that if she didn't have me in her life, she'd be devastated.

I don't know what to believe, but, all that I know is that this had nothing to do with me, I don't trust her and I truly hope that she gets all of the help that she needs. She's a frickin' head case. Time to stay clear!

[Gigabitch]

Damn right. Run, boy, run!

[Gribble]

For some folks somebody is better than nobody I guess.

[jmah]

That would be 'run, girl, run!'. hehe!

And, Gribble, not sure what you mean?

[Gigabitch]

That would be 'run, girl, run!'. hehe!

And, Gribble, not sure what you mean?

Oh, are you a chick? You should update your user CP to show it-

[jmah]

Just did. Thanks!

[Mish]

Now, she's saying that she doesn't know what she wants.

Tell her "That's nice, but I don't want to have anything to do with people who don't know what they want" and then stay away from her. People who don't know what they want are nothing but trouble.

[Junket]

Yeah dude, stay clear from that crazy shit, wait 'til she actually makes some progress with herself before even considering goin' back to her.

I thought it strange that you thought of this before we had to beat you over the head with it.

Ironically, you probably know more about being in a relationship with a girl than most of the hopeless guys that come around here.

[jmah]

Frasbee, I'm a girl, as well.

Sadly, I didn't know she was crazy until recently.

[Junket]

Frasbee, I'm a girl, as well.

Sadly, I didn't know she was crazy until recently.

I know you're a girl.

That's why it's funny because you're responding exactly how every guy should respond when dealing with a crazy chick, and too many of them don't.