Over the last 6-7 weeks, I came to the realization that I had developed feelings for a girl I know. More than that, I REALLY felt like she was interested in me, as well. The more I thought about it, the more I realized just how perfect we were for each other. In the amount of time I've known her (over a year), it never seemed like she did much, if any, dating, but I never paid that any mind, because I wasn't thinking of her like that at the time.
A few weeks ago, I worked up the courage to ask her out. She very genuinely told me she'd have to think about it, because she's had bad experiences dating coworkers. Then a few days ago, she got back to me on it; she seemed really impressed with me for being direct (she said not many guys do that), but her expression then changed to that of sadness and/ or reluctance, and she said that she's so focused on trying to finish up school right now, that she has to say no. I smiled, nodded, told her "It was worth a shot; can't blame me for trying, right?", and that was it.
So for the last couple of days, her rejection has really sunk in with me, and I just feel so bad about it. I mean, I have no ill will towards her, I just... I really felt it was a sure thing, and I feel like her and I are/ were so perfect for each other. Not, yanno, like literally "perfect", but the best possible match up that I could ever hope for. I had it pretty bad for her...
Thing is, I don't date (I'm 23, almost 24). I don't really "like" people in general, and I'd rather just be left to myself, but of course, deep down, I wish I had at least one or two close people in my life. I'm VERY selective about who I "let in", and this girl is the first person in a long time that I really wanted to "let in".
On one hand, it scares me to think about my future prospects. Because I don't like very many people, and because I'm very selective about who I open up to, I'm worried I won't find another girl any time soon, if ever. Certainly not one as "perfect" for me as this girl was. And even if by some chance I do, who's to say she won't also reject me?
Then there's the fact that this whole last period of 6-7 weeks has been so exciting. There were a lot of ups and downs, and it was a challenge for me to ask this girl out, I had a clear tangible goal that I felt I was working towards, and I was hoping this "adventure" would continue as we would date, and whatnot. But now, after 6-7 weeks, the "adventure" is over. I'm back to boring old day-to-day routine life. I feel so unsettled... I wanted the "adventure" to keep going on, but now it's just done and over with. My wheels are still spinning, but I'm no longer moving forward...
Part of me is hopeful that maybe we can revisit things when she finishes school next year, but I know I'm reaching, with that, and I know I can't live in delusion forever. But it just hurts so bad to even think that things will never go any further with me and her; like, when I think about her saying no, it literally makes me heart hurt.
Plus, she and I will continue seeing each other on a semi-frequent basis. I don't anticipate any awkwardness, because she and I are great together, and I think both of us handled the asking out and the rejection extremely well. Truth be told, I like her so much that I'd rather continue being "friends" with her than being nothing at all, but at the same time, I feel like it's going to continue being in the back of my mind, that I'm going to keep wondering and wishing, and driving myself crazy that I was wrong, and that she didn't see in me what I saw in her.
Anyway, sorry this got so-long winded. I just... I really wish I had someone to talk to about all of this, but I don't. I have to deal with my thoughts and feelings all on my own, and it's rough. I feel awful right now, and I don't even know how to make myself feel better, and how to start moving on.