Really thought I had something here. :(

[smackie9]

I have been in her position. I know saying no doesn't make it go away.

As for socializing at work....you do develop a bond with people you wouldn't normally with outside of work.

[Purple&Yellow]

I am just like you. What you have to do is find a 'goal' or a 'challenge'. Mine was; to find an older woman. I'm only 16 and for the challenge, I slept with a 30 year-old. It helped. It made my self-esteem rise sharply ... I generally felt good.

[Indestructible]

I have been in her position. I know saying no doesn't make it go away.

Wow. I'm... surprised she hasn't tried to distance herself from me, then.

As for socializing at work....you do develop a bond with people you wouldn't normally with outside of work.

I'm confused, are you agreeing with me about having gotten to know her well while at work?

I am just like you. What you have to do is find a 'goal' or a 'challenge'. Mine was; to find an older woman. I'm only 16 and for the challenge, I slept with a 30 year-old. It helped. It made my self-esteem rise sharply ... I generally felt good.

I'm not really sure how that helps me in any way, but thanks for the input, I guess?

[smackie9]

I'm confused, are you agreeing with me about having gotten to know her well while at work?

How people are at work and how they are outside of work are two different things. Everyone has to conduct themselves on a professional level, and not too much on a personal one.

[smackie9]

I am just like you. What you have to do is find a 'goal' or a 'challenge'. Mine was; to find an older woman. I'm only 16 and for the challenge, I slept with a 30 year-old. It helped. It made my self-esteem rise sharply ... I generally felt good.

This reminds me of that move "The Summer of '42" lol.

[smackie9]

Wow. I'm... surprised she hasn't tried to distance herself from me, then.

Why would she?

[Indestructible]

How people are at work and how they are outside of work are two different things. Everyone has to conduct themselves on a professional level, and not too much on a personal one.

Perhaps, but don't forget, this is retail, and for both her and me, it's just a part time thing that neither of us really care much about. So, I think we both get to see the "real" us; of course we all be "professional" when customers are around or in earshot, but there's a lot of down time and time away from customers, so... If it were a higher level kind of job, I could definitely see what you're saying, and there are a handful of our coworkers that do kinda "put it on" even to us when no customers are around, but for the most part, we all kinda be ourselves when we can.

Why would she?

Well, if you know someone is thinking of you in a way you don't want them to think of you in, why keep spending time with them and whatnot? Wouldn't it make more sense to distance yourself, at least for a little while, until you're sure it's out of the other person's system?

[smackie9]

Girls are stupid that way. They think "Oh well, he knows where I stand, he will be fine with it". And then just brush it off.


I have been working for my company for 22 years, And even when I have worked with people for several years, when I see them outside of work, they act differently, and I learn new things about them.

[Cerby]

I have been working for my company for 22 years, And even when I have worked with people for several years, when I see them outside of work, they act differently, and I learn new things about them.

This never ceases to amaze me, 8 years with my company and the first time I go out for a beer with one of the other people who have been there for 5+ years my mind gets blown. Everything from the way they dress to the way they talk and act. Once the collars come off, so does everything else that you know about them in the workplace.

Indestructible. Retail and part-time or not, no one wants to make their work uncomfortable. The best way to do that is to limit change between your peers. If you asked her out and she said she couldn't, then it might be possible those days she was thinking were more of "How can I let him down with the least impact to our professional relationship?". I like your posts, they're honest, but I think your lack of dating experience is really showing here.

I think you should set a goal of getting into a solid dating regime, even if you're not interested long term, just to start getting a feel for what the opposite sex wants, so when you DO find someone you like, then you know a bit more about the game. No girl wants to play chess with someone who only knows how to play checkers. Get my drift?

[Indestructible]

Indestructible. Retail and part-time or not, no one wants to make their work uncomfortable. The best way to do that is to limit change between your peers. If you asked her out and she said she couldn't, then it might be possible those days she was thinking were more of "How can I let him down with the least impact to our professional relationship?".

I guess. I dunno, when I first asked her out, she could have just left it at "I don't like dating coworkers, sorry", and that would've been perfectly fine. I guess it just seems kinda odd to me that she'd have to take some time to think up another excuse to let me down when she had one right then and there when I first asked her. If her mind was already made up, why prolong it? That's kinda why I wish I had some more clarity, like, if she is open to seeing where things are once she finishes school. Either that, or I wonder if I can "win her over" in time. I dunno.

I think you should set a goal of getting into a solid dating regime, even if you're not interested long term, just to start getting a feel for what the opposite sex wants, so when you DO find someone you like, then you know a bit more about the game. No girl wants to play chess with someone who only knows how to play checkers. Get my drift?

That makes dating sound so hard and complicated, though. Isn't going on dates supposed to just be fun and easy? I don't want to know about "the game", I just want to go places and do things with someone special.

Honestly, I don't even know how to just go out and start dating for "practice". I know being "picky" and "selective" limits me, and that that's "bad", but to be honest, that's a big part of the reason I don't date and I don't "look for it". The amount of girls that would be a good match for me are, I think, is so small that even if I were actively getting out there, the odds of finding them are still pretty low, and even then, if I did find them, there's no guarantee they'd be interested in me. Some may call that a "fear of rejection", but truthfully, as much as I could find that, I just don't have the energy to go out looking for something I very well might never find.

Worse yet, I'm wholly convinced that, even if she's not a good match for me, I'm probably going to stick with the first girl I get with (unless she ends things with me), just based on how difficult it is for me to find someone I really want to be with. That's where my "selectiveness" comes from, I think, because if/ when that scenario plays out, I want to be absolutely sure I'm with someone that won't be a huge mistake and won't cause me to have a miserable future.

[smackie9]

Dating fun and easy? BAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

[Indestructible]

Dating fun and easy? BAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

Well, I mean, I know it takes work to make an actual relationship work, but isn't the "dating" part supposed to be fun and easy? Why does it have to be a complicated "game"?

[smackie9]

Because dating is based on one's expectations, and purpose. Like a job interview, you are being analyzed for the purpose of a relationship, possibly marriage. And like a lot of job interviews, it's a challenge to just get your foot in the door.

The best way to approach it is to not have any expectations (don't invest your feelings), be yourself, and don't worry what they think. In other words be confident in yourself and don't take it too seriously if they say no, or don't ask for a second date. Just go with the flow.

[smackie9]

From my experience dating sucked. Most of the guys just wanted to get my skirt off after dinner.

[IndiReloaded]

Yep. Lots of people who function brilliantly at work and are bastards or bitches outside of.