Should I stay or go

[babypink]

I have been married for 4 years, together for 10 (with a year's break) and we have 2 kids together. We moved abroad 4 years ago and we are still here. My husband is my best friend and in one sense we get on really well together but I would class myself as unhappily married. He is an amazing father, but pretty rubbish husband. He doesn't do all the typical bad things like drinking, gambling, infidelity etc but to put it bluntly he's really boring. He is asleep between 8&9 pm every night, so I spend every night on my own. He doesn't like going out or socialising and we NEVER, I mean NEVER have sex. The last time was 2 years ago and before that was probably a good year. I am a very outgoing, fun loving person and i love socialising, romance and going out. I've tried everything to make it work but he's just not bothered. It's not that he's not bothered about me, I would say he does love me and is loyal and dedicated but he's not bothered about having fun, sex or even staying up to watch a movie with me! What do I do? Do I stay in a relationship where I feel so unsatisfied on a daily basis and never have sex again or do I leave? He's a great dad and the kids love him. He's doing really well in his job abroad so if we all left we would also all be skint probably. What would you do?

[smackie9]

First off you need to address these issues with him, and be persistent to resolve them by suggesting counseling. If he refuses then you have every right to call it quits, or have a marriage of convenience. Stay together for financial reasons but date other people.

[babypink]

Thanks Smackie9. The thing is he's not a bad person, so i think i would feel bad dating others and also what type of guy would you meet that wants to be involved with a married woman with 2 kids!

I have addressed the issues with him and been to counselling (even though it was a while ago) but I don't feel things will ever change. He is the way he is, that's it. He suffers from anxiety which he gets help for but that's the root as to why he's like what he is.

I think deep down I know I need to leave and I will look back and say why didn't I do this sooner but it will be a difficult ride doing it and getting settled. I just hope that I can get the confidence to actually do it. I also know the longer I leave it the harder it gets and the more unconfident I become. I used to be a passionate and confident woman. I know feel like a bitter, moany old rat bag!

[InYourFACE]

you did married for good and bad times

so its noting that you did not know that there will be bad times.

and whatever you d there will be no marriage with only fun or relationship with only fun
for 100 years.
so its stupid to think about leaving if there is no abuse or cheating. and thinks like that,

complaining t us will not help. great communication is way more important then sex.
so you should talk to him about it and see what the issue is and what to do about it.
and marriage is something Gods.
so talking to God about it and let Him guide you guys and read the bible and some christian books about
marriage also can give you some guide.

and if he have a job that make him sleep like that its stupid of you to complain about it,
while you know he works hard, you only can talk about it to him if its takes a lot of family time.
so he can maybe talk to his boss to reschedule him so he can be more at home or something.

and if you are a home stay mom , maybe cause you have to much free time you think that he have to
have it to. what you share with us is to short for us to say something.
cause there is shore more going on

[smackie9]

Thanks Smackie9. The thing is he's not a bad person, so i think i would feel bad dating others and also what type of guy would you meet that wants to be involved with a married woman with 2 kids!

I have addressed the issues with him and been to counselling (even though it was a while ago) but I don't feel things will ever change. He is the way he is, that's it. He suffers from anxiety which he gets help for but that's the root as to why he's like what he is.

I think deep down I know I need to leave and I will look back and say why didn't I do this sooner but it will be a difficult ride doing it and getting settled. I just hope that I can get the confidence to actually do it. I also know the longer I leave it the harder it gets and the more unconfident I become. I used to be a passionate and confident woman. I know feel like a bitter, moany old rat bag!

Just tell him how you feel and I'm sure he will accept that it is time. Just separate amicably. And as I quoted before...it's about your happiness

[InYourFACE]

nd if there are things that was like that when you started with him a relationship
why do you act right now like this/?

cause you knew about his anxiety and stuff, so you took him like that. like you said the way he is

[babypink]

InYourFACE I think your comments are harsh, unfair and wrong. You did get one thing right yes that i probably need to give more information.

You need to understand that life isn't straight forward as you might like to think your god guides it to be but there are complications and situations, right or wrong that we get ourselves into.

I was asking what would you do. So you would stay and you mention wait for the relationship to become good again. Well, you'd be seeing your God before that happens!

I didn't come on here to be had a go at, (btw have you just been dumped by your husband) or to be preached at, i came on here for constructive advise. If you can't give it, then go torment somebody else!

[babypink]

I still can't get over your comments, that I shouldn't have relationships or get married - bloody hilarious. I wonder how God feels about your unkindness to other humans. I thought the bible was all about forgiveness?

[smackie9]

InYourFACE I think your comments are harsh, unfair and wrong. You did get one thing right yes that i probably need to give more information.

You need to understand that life isn't straight forward as you might like to think your god guides it to be but there are complications and situations, right or wrong that we get ourselves into.

I was asking what would you do. So you would stay and you mention wait for the relationship to become good again. Well, you'd be seeing your God before that happens!

I didn't come on here to be had a go at, (btw have you just been dumped by your husband) or to be preached at, i came on here for constructive advise. If you can't give it, then go torment somebody else!

Ignore this ignorant twit..... they already have changed their name, we all know who it is. Report them the administrator plz.

[babypink]

OK thanks Smackie9, I will do. It's my first time on anything like this, so was a bit surprised! Glad there are good and helpful people on here like you!

[smackie9]

NP......all sites have a troll that comes with them......we keep them around for the amusement.

[smackie9]

BTW we like to get an update on your progress....best of luck.....we are here to support too!

[babypink]

OK, I'll learn!