Is it wrong that I'm angered about this?

[Indestructible]

First, some background info for those that haven't seen my previous topics: I've fallen pretty bad for a girl I work with (we're just part timers at a dinky little retail store), and I was sure she was into me. I asked her out a few weeks ago, she took some time to think about it, but ultimately turned me down because she's too focused on finishing college. I've been kinda down about it, because I liked her a lot, and really felt she liked me a lot, too, but I've been doing a bit better with it. Although, I admit, part of me has been hoping I can "win her over" in time, and possibly try again once she finishes school, but I don't know if that has any possibility of working out.

Anyway, to get to the point of this topic. Today, I went to work, and saw that she left me a cutesy little note about switching shifts this Friday (I work in the morning, she works the evening, so if we switched, it'd be the other way around). I was going to decline anyway, and wrote it off, but then another thought jumped in my head and has pretty much "consumed" me -- what if she wants Friday night off so she can go out with some other guy? I know I've literally jumped to that conclusion with no evidence at all, but still... I mean, it's possible, right?

I know I can't be upset with her going out with someone else, but if she is looking to go out with someone else, is it me, or doesn't it seem a bit rude to ask me first to cover her shift so she can do that? Me, the guy she rejected just a couple weeks ago? In all the time I've known her, she's always been good to me, and I've never seen her do anything hurtful to anyone, so if this is what's going on, it comes as kind of a punch to the stomach...

The worst thing is, I don't know how to act around her now, because I have absolutely no way of knowing if this is true or just something I've made up. I mean, I don't want to be an ass to her if I happen to be wrong, but I don't want to keep being buddy-buddy with her if I'm right...

Ladies, what do you think?

[Wakeup]

It doesn't matter if what you think is the truth or you're just paranoid because it's really not any of your business why she wants the Friday off. You can either tell her "no" I don't want to switch or you can tell her "yes" I'll switch with you" after that it's best you just forget about what she is doing while she is off because if you don't, you'll just drive yourself insane.

Act like she's just another co-worker who you are professional and friendly with that's all. Switch if you're okay with the new time and don't think about anything else.

[Indestructible]

Well, I already declined, so that's no longer an issue. I knew I didn't want to switch before that thought popped into my head, for other reasons. Like I said, I know I can't fault her for going out with someone else (if that is, indeed, the case), and I know that's none of my business, but the idea that she would unabashedly try to "use" me to switch with her so she could go out with someone else just weeks after she shot me down bothers me.

[Wakeup]

Why does it bother you? You were confident (which is an attractive trait to have) and you asked her out. She declined which of course you view as a lost opportunity (and nothing more)... Her lost opportunity, certainly not yours... plenty of fish in the sea afterall. Once she declined.. you should forget anything more about her, what shes doing and certainly not waste the good positive energy you have by thinking anything about her never mind anything negative you erroneously perceive her to be bestowing upon you.

You don't feel like switching ~ end of. No harm in her asking no foul in you declining the request. The End.

Don't let it bother you. She's not worth the energy.

[Indestructible]

Why does it bother you?

I dunno, I mean... doesn't it just seem a bit inappropriate to come to me, of all people, first, to get a chance to go out with someone else (again, assuming that's what's going on here)? It just kinda hurts. It might not bother me so much if this happened months later, but its only been a couple weeks.

Thing is, in the past, I've had severe trust issues with people in general. Every person I've trusted has ended up hurting me and making me regret trusting them, which has understandably contributed to me being a bit "closed off". I... trusted this girl. I WANT to trust her. So, now I find myself worrying that, once again, I've foolishly placed my trust in someone else that is going to end up taking advantage of and hurting me.

[Wakeup]

I dunno, I mean... doesn't it just seem a bit inappropriate to come to me, of all people, first, to get a chance to go out with someone else (again, assuming that's what's going on here)? It just kinda hurts. It might not bother me so much if this happened months later, but its only been a couple weeks.

Thing is, in the past, I've had severe trust issues with people in general. Every person I've trusted has ended up hurting me and making me regret trusting them, which has understandably contributed to me being a bit "closed off". I... trusted this girl. I WANT to trust her. So, now I find myself worrying that, once again, I've foolishly placed my trust in someone else that is going to end up taking advantage of and hurting me.

Yea and all of this is based on your own mind playing some kind of trick with you because you do not know for a fact that she asked to switch with you in order to go out with another guy. Turn off your brain, you're being your own worst enemy.

You have no idea why she asked you to switch.. She could have just asked you because she thought you were her friend. Put it to bed and quit worrying for no good reason.

[bluesummer]

Wow, maybe she just had some plans with friends. You sound a wee bit obsessed.

Look, like Wakeup said, stop reading into it; she probably asked YOU to switch because she thought you were friends and as a 'friend' you would be most likely to help her out.

You know what, even if she isn't interested in you, so what. You tried and she said no. Not every girl in the world is going to say yes to you. Rejection happens. Why don't you just move on from it and get on with your life. This REALLY should not be occupying your thoughts to the level that it is. It's just not healthy my friend.

[Indestructible]

I... know. I just really like(d?) her a lot, and thought we could have a lot of fun together, and I was sure she was interested in going out with me. I know to the average person, rejection isn't a huge deal, I just take it harder because there's not many girls I seem to connect with that way in general. It's hard to "get over" her because the fact that I still see her on a semi-regular basis makes it hard to stop thinking about her, and wishing things could change.

Maybe I jumped to this conclusion and allowed myself to get angry at her for a potentially made up reason because I feel that maybe being "angry" at her will push me towards getting over her. I dunno. Even I don't really understand how I feel or what's going on in my head. v_v

[Indestructible]

For the record, I found out that she is not, in fact, going on a date tonight, so yes, I was wrong. Shame, I was kinda hoping that whole "anger" thing would've worked.

[Wakeup]

You are a little off in your thinking as a whole.
You shouldn't be putting so much energy into what she is doing at all. It's none of your business and rather than use anger as your way of getting over her rejection of you perhaps you could just forget it all together and get on with your life and concentrate on what (and who) you'll be doing this coming weekend. Don't waste another negative bit of energy on her, quit worrying about her dating life and put all that energy you've been wasting on her into yourself, your confidence and your game.

[Indestructible]

I know, but... I just can't "forget" her. I really like her a lot, and really think there's something there, and considering I see her on a semi-regular basis at work, it's even harder not to think about her.

Truth be told, I've been playing around with the idea of "trying again" with her. I probably won't follow through with that, but... I also found out today that she wasn't blowing smoke in my face with her reasoning for turning down my date, and I learned that that reason is going to be a non-issue come December; consequently, she probably won't be working at this place much longer after that happens, either. I REALLY want to try again in a couple months, and I'd hate to "fail" with her again, and leave a bad impression before she leaves my life completely.

So, I don't know what I'm going to end up doing. Probably nothing, but I just wish I could maybe give it one last shot. *sigh*

[smackie9]

You are the nice guy that is actually an asshole. This jealousy thing is getting you nowhere fast and making you into a total jerk. Just because you like her, doesn't mean she is obligated to not date others.....mind your own business, she owes you nothing.

[smackie9]

So, I don't know what I'm going to end up doing. Probably nothing, but I just wish I could maybe give it one last shot. *sigh*

You already had two shots at it, what part of no do you not understand?

[Indestructible]

You are the nice guy that is actually an asshole. This jealousy thing is getting you nowhere fast and making you into a total jerk. Just because you like her, doesn't mean she is obligated to not date others.....mind your own business, she owes you nothing.

Like I said, I wasn't so much upset that she'd date someone else, but I was upset at the idea that she'd try to "use" me to make it easier for her to date someone else. Am I an "asshole"? I guess I really can't answer that question. I think, like I said, though, I made up an excuse to get angry at her because I thought it might help me get over her. It probably sounds stupid, but nothing else has made it any easier to get over her. I think I figured if I vilified her to myself, it'd make me feel better. It seems stupid when I put it into words, but it made sense to me at the time.

You already had two shots at it, what part of no do you not understand?

I've only asked her out once. What other "shot" did I have?

[smackie9]

First shot, she said let me think about it, second sorry no I'm too busy with school. That in my books is two turn downs. Girls that say maybe, I'm not sure or let me think about it is a no. Asshole? you were contemplating screwing with her plans under the assumption that she could be going out with some other guy, or she might hook up with some other guy on her evening out.