Girlfriend Hates Intimacy

[bsacamano69]

My girlfriend is very uncomfortable with intimacy. The only thing we've done is cuddle. We've been friends for a year and a half and just recently started going out. Showing affection has been a struggle for her her entire life, so I'm in no rush and don't want to put her in a situation where she feels uncomfortable, but this is a big issue for the both of us. I don't want to break up with her because she's my best friend and I care about her a lot, but I'm worried that she'll never want to take things further. Any advice would be helpful here.

[boom43]

My guess is that she has had some unpleasant past experiences. Maybe a good idea to ask her about it some night when you're cuddling and feeling emotionally intimate. Make sure that when you talk to her about her discomfort with intimacy that your questioning is about her andher needs/fears. Don't make it about your unfulfilled needs. If she's not willing to open up to you about it right away, don't push it, but considering how long you've been friends, if she is still not opening up to you about it in a few months time I'd consider whether this is working out or not and maybe try to turn back ship and re-enter the friend zone..

[surfhb]

Actually it's his needs that need to come first. If she cant fulfill those basic needs there's nothing that can be done for the relationship. Sounds harsh but thats the reality

It is important to put yourself in her shoes when you discuss it though....which boom pointed out

[boom43]

I'm not saying his needs don't matter - they do, and he needs to be honest about that... but if she has some demons to work out it's simply not appropriate to turn the revolve the conversation about his needs. You don't want to essentially guilt her into doing things she is uncomfortable with. Much better to be there to help her work through the demons, make her feel safe. If you want her to be vulnerable, you need her to feel safe being vulnerable with you.

[InYourFACE]

How old are you guys?
and i if its just that she have it as a issue hers i think she may have had bad experiences in her childhood or other relationships with guys,
like sexual abuse or other kinds of abuse.

and so she created that way of protecting herself.

Or she is a dude but dont wants you to know it. hahahahah lol.


But if she just choose not to do more then that maybe you need to accept it or leave.
cause some people dont want to have sex till marry or knowing you better etc.
so they dont start with kissing and other stuff so it can lead them to have sex.

but dont try to change her. when she realize her issue, and meet the her soul-mate
she will open up more about what is going on.

[InYourFACE]

Just respect her choice. cause intimacy is something very personal. so especially a woman
cant do it if she is not okay from the inside. and if you keep
asking her while she already told you how it is , it will be consider rape!

if you wants to **** around there are enough people like you out there
stop choosing girls that are not like you and try to get them doing things they dont like 2 do!

[bsacamano69]

Just respect her choice. cause intimacy is something very personal. so especially a woman
cant do it if she is not okay from the inside. and if you keep
asking her while she already told you how it is , it will be consider rape!

if you wants to **** around there are enough people like you out there
stop choosing girls that are not like you and try to get them doing things they dont like 2 do!

This is gona sound corny, but even though we're only in our early 20s, we love eachother. I'm not trying to just **** her or trying to get her to do things she doesn't like. I don't want to change her, it just makes sense to expect affection when you're in a relationship with someone at some point in the future. It's funny how you made all those assumptions based on absolutely nothing. She's told me that she wants to be affectionate with me but that it's difficult for her. I didn't choose her as you said, you don't choose who you fall in love with.