His new girlfriend hates me so we can't be friends anymore.

[little ramona]

So I'm not sure if the "Broken Hearts" forum is the right place for this but..

I dated him for 18 months approx and then dumped him because I just wasn't happy with him and I noticed he wasn't doing that great in our relationship either. We had tried everything but it just didn't work. I know I hurt him real bad but I also know I made the right decision. He said he wanted to be friends and so did I cause he had really become my best and most trustworthy friend during the time we were dating.

Pretty fast after our break up he started dating someone else. I didn't know this girl that well but we were in friendly terms. That was until they started dating. After that she became insanely jealous and started hating me. Nothing ever happened between me and him after we broke up. He's a good guy and he wouldn't cheat and I really thought we could all just be friends. But his new girl is really starting to piss me off. She doesn't say things straight to my face, instead she just talks bullsh*t about me behind my back and my ex is never ever allowed to be caught breathing the same air with me. I don't care if she wants to act childish but I'm sad cause I really feel like I've lost one of my best friends for good. I do want him to be happy but.. am I a horrible person for hoping they would break up and he would find someone "better"?

[vampiress]

Obviously, you still have feelings for him, that gives his girlfriend every right to be jealous... and if you really care about that guy you should " let him go"... befriending your Ex is asking for trouble.
Good luck

[Wakeup]

You dumped him because you didn't want him as a boyfriend. What makes you think that HE (not her) wants to keep you around now that he's healed from the dump and has a woman that wants him for everything.. not just a friend.

Leave them alone and let them live their lives without you causing trouble. Next time you break up with a guy don't try to have your cake and eat it and just sever the relationship outright. Now you're hurting just like he did when you would have been totally over him by now. Afterall you only wanted him under YOUR terms and that's selfish as hell. Go no contact and your ego will heal. This is all about your bruised ego by being severed. The "friendship" and him agreeing was about his bruised ego. His ego isn't bruised anymore.

*BTW: Is this the same guy you have casual sex with? If so how can you even question why a new girlfriend would want you out of the picture? Is this all about you giving up the booty and that's why you only wanted to be his friend, because he isn't partner material? If it is then you're much better off never speaking to him again so you can get over him and this addiction to having sex with him. You are incapable of stringless sex with him because you (think) you have feelings for him. Cut all contact and rehab from him.

[little ramona]

First: Totally different guy. Second: He did want to be friends with me and still does, even to the point where he wants to see me despite what his girlfriend thinks. We meet up sometimes just for a coffee/cigarette (he calls me, not the other way around) and I assure you my feelings are platonic. There has been nothing but friendship between us for more than 6 months now. We have both moved on. I partially understand his girlfriends concern but I would just like to convince her there is nothing going on between us. He's not cheating her with me or with anyone else for that matter. I don't want to come between them so is it really that wrong from me to just wanna stay in friendly terms? Or from him to want to decide who he hangs out with? Keeping in mind I have nothing against this girl and no reason what so ever to cause trouble.

[Wakeup]

First: Totally different guy. Second: He did want to be friends with me and still does, even to the point where he wants to see me despite what his girlfriend thinks. We meet up sometimes just for a coffee/cigarette (he calls me, not the other way around) and I assure you my feelings are platonic. There has been nothing but friendship between us for more than 6 months now. We have both moved on. I partially understand his girlfriends concern but I would just like to convince her there is nothing going on between us. He's not cheating her with me or with anyone else for that matter. I don't want to come between them so is it really that wrong from me to just wanna stay in friendly terms? Or from him to want to decide who he hangs out with? Keeping in mind I have nothing against this girl and no reason what so ever to cause trouble.

You're naive. Perhaps there is nothing going on but if you have any empathy what so ever then you would understand how she feels about you and him hanging out one-on-one.. If you are stricktly friends then why the need to hang out without her? Why do you suppose he wants to hang out without his girlfried there?


Be smart and tell him to stay at home with his girlfriend or go and hang with his male friends if he wants a break from the routine with her. You want your cake and you want to eat it too. If he had broken up with you, believe me he wouldn't want to be your male girlfriend.

[little ramona]

You're right, I might be kinda naive sometimes. But my "male girlfriend"? I don't know how things are where you come from but MANY of my friends who have dated have become good friends after the relationship. Also, I personally have many of these so called "male girlfriends". I don't think the gender matters that much as long as you feel comfortable with the person and enjoy hanging out. And when it comes to us hanging out one-on-one we usually don't. Most times we have other friends around and even when we don't it doesn't get any more intimate than that. I would have nothing against her girlfriend hanging out with us and a couple of times she has. I even avoid talking to him while his gf is around to make things easier. I highly doubt he has any feelings for me. He seems to genuinely like his girl but he also seems to genuinely want me around.

[Wakeup]

You're right, I might be kinda naive sometimes. But my "male girlfriend"? I don't know how things are where you come from but MANY of my friends who have dated have become good friends after the relationship. Also, I personally have many of these so called "male girlfriends". I don't think the gender matters that much as long as you feel comfortable with the person and enjoy hanging out. And when it comes to us hanging out one-on-one we usually don't. Most times we have other friends around and even when we don't it doesn't get any more intimate than that. I would have nothing against her girlfriend hanging out with us and a couple of times she has. I even avoid talking to him while his gf is around to make things easier. I highly doubt he has any feelings for me. He seems to genuinely like his girl but he also seems to genuinely want me around.

well, here is a fact of life that might help you to accept that you can't always have your own way when it comes to this type of thing. He has every right to keep you as his friend and hang with you for coffee or whatever. However; he does not have the right to expect his girlfriend to be fine with that dynamic. She has voiced her displeasure and he has a choice he can put you first and lose her or, he can put her first and lose his one-on-one time with you. Group activities no one has any control over.. You just as he and she, have a right to be with all of your friends at the same time.

He, like you wants to keep his cake while being able to eat it too.

Second: He did want to be friends with me and still does, even to the point where he wants to see me despite what his girlfriend thinks.

If you are indeed a good friend you will avoid him so that he becomes indifferent to you and no longer wants or needs to hang with his ex girlfriend who dumped him because he wasn't relationship material to her.

[Andariel]

The majority of men/women are not comfortable with their bf/gf hanging out with the ex for a variety of reasons. To her that is all you are: an ex who keeps hanging out with HER boyfriend even though she doesn't like it. She of course sees that as a clear sign of disrespect on your part towards her (and quite rightly so) and therefore she does not like you.

I hope when he calls you and you end up meeting up that you are not doing this without her knowledge because sneaking around behind his gf's back is a horrible thing to do both on your part and his.

He ought to either respect what his gf wants and stop seeing you or tell her that he can't do it and she could then decide whether she wanted to still be with him or not based on that. I bet though that he is not willing to do that because he knows he is going to lose her.

You are the ex and since she is not conformtable with her bf spending time with you, you should respect that because right now what you are doing is plain wrong.

[Wakeup]

Nicely put. Explains the situation well, Andariel.

[shamandalie]

Some people just are more jealous than others... You should try and see things her way. Still... I do understand how you don't see that much wrong in hanging out with him since you're being sincere and not crossing any lines and you think you're not giving her any reasons to act out. Personally I think she might be a bit paranoid and I'm sorry she talks behind your back and acts immature. She has no right for that but she does have every right to feel jealous though. It's her bf now. Have you tried confronting her about the situation? Maybe it would help if she could hear it from you that you're over him and she has no reason to be worried? Also, you might be over your ex but are you SURE he's over you? I hope things turn out ok for all of you.