3 Year Relationship, Was I Left For Someone Else? Advice in General?

[UJK90]

I was with my girlfriend for 3 years, we were the perfect couple. We clicked extremely well , were best friends and more, and for the past 3 years literally spent every moment together and were always happy and everyone agreed, claiming we were the best couple. We really saw our future together, ending as a family - infact she was the one who presented the idea in the first place. If anyone was gonah marry out of everyone I knew it was us.

I began to worry that she liked someone else and this lead to a few arguments. She reassured me many times that this wasn't the case. I believed her and I believe that nothing ever happened between them, but at the end of the argument we broke up.

It was a stupid argument, not worth throwing away 3 years of history for. The day before we were madly in love, in fact right through the argument until the point were she claimed she needed space or to break up I seriously thought things would be okay. I know this by the texts, I think I pushed her away by being an arrogant dick the night before.

We ended up breaking up, and I found out two days later she was with the person I thought she liked. I feel he just jumped at the opportunity, by being the comforting friend and wormed his way in. I begged and pleaded for a good 2 weeks, although did give a few days in between. But my head was a mess and I honestly had no idea how to deal with it all. During this time she has completely blocked me out, I haven't heard a thing from her personally.

Shes also claiming that she no longer has any feelings for me whatsoever, but the argument we had lasted a few days over text and literally the night before she was begging that things would be okay and it would just be us two and we would get over anything. Then suddenly this has just happened out of nowhere.

To be honest, I feel that she has just jumped straight into this relationship without thinking. Possibly to get back at me as it was the one thing I would've hated. Also possibly she just wanted the reassurance of having a guy with her. But I'm unsure. I've since began no contact, but it is a SERIOUS struggle. Meanwhile, she still wont talk to me claiming she needs more time. She hasn't contacted me first, ever, it's always been me.

I'm honestly at loss for what to do. I know I am better than this person, I devoted my entire life to this girl and always tried to be perfect. She will not end up happier with him, you can't leave a relationship after 3 years and get with someone within 2 days and expect it not to be a rebound can you? Not when we had our entire future planned together? We were on holiday a few weeks before and had an amazing romantic time, nothing was wrong and I would have noticed if there was. Same with even a week before!

Can someone give some advice? Am I right at being angry for the person for doing this? It's completely out of character too, as she is not the type of girl to go from guy to guy. Everyone is shocked and believes that I am the better person too, this isn't just myself thinking this.

Should I just maintain the no contact and expect something or should I just give it up entirely? Is it likely the no contact will help her think about me and remind her of all the happy times we had and how good I was to her, or is it likely it's been lost? It's been almost a month now but only around a week of no contact. I just don't understand why she has handled it so badly, I feel I deserve her to come and speak to me in person at least after 3 years of spending every day together. But is this her way of coping and dealing with it all?

Any input on similar situations/advice is appreciated. Have I ****ed it up with the 2 weeks of begging?

[Jack1]

It really does sound like she is using the other guy as a rebound to avoid thinking about you and being in pain. Do you think they may have been talking and flirting for longer than just since when you thought it started? It seems like she may realize her mistake soon enough and then hope you will forgive her, depending on her relationship with the new guy of course. Maybe your mutual friends can provide some info on the situation. Also I think if you contact her you should definitely not beg or seem needy and desperate as that may push her away. There are better ways to go about it than that for sure! Either way I hope you get her back man sounds like the love of a lifetime.

[beenmadehumble]

It kind of sounds like she is using the other guy as a rebound guy too, but who knows. It sounds as though you two had a very good relationship. The only reason I can think of that she got with another guy so quickly is because that is probably what she has been wanting to do for sometime. As much as it sucks to hear I bet she was having some sort of contact with him behind your back for at least a few weeks, maybe months, prior to her breaking up with you.

I am in the same type of situation right now. The difference is my ex waited a whole month until she got into another relationship - with the same guy she was with before me.

I have spoken to many friends and family about the situation and they all said that in my case I was the rebound guy. So I guess I have a better understanding of what a rebound actually means. The thing I find so shocking is that it only took her a couple of days to get with someone else after leaving you. That being the case she must have known for a while what she was planning on doing.

Sorry man, but I don't think that guy is a rebound. I think that's what she has wanted for some time.

[UJK90]

To be honest, I have a real feeling that she did like him and that I was left for him. The only thing that really doesn't add up for me is that the weeks before I'd been going through a real unhappy stage. She always told me, both in person and in text that I was the only one for her and that we would work through it and sort things out. I literally even have texts from her the night before we broke up claiming this, then I ended up ruining it by overreacting and after that she just became extremely distant. I trusted this girl with my life and she even told me when we broke up that there was nothing going on, everything happened afterwards. I honestly feel that he knew what was going on and seized a chance.

I believe after 3 years of having a guy in her life, and she loved me a lot I did a lot for her, she panicked after we broke up and went straight to this guy. I'm sure she may be attracted to him at least, but I'm 99% sure that she knows he isn't anything close to me in every way relationship wise. He might've been good fun as hanging around for a friend, but when it comes to relationship material me and my ex connected a lot better, with regards to everything.

I know the guy was texting her prior to all this, but it was nothing serious and was casual chat. We were all good friends - or so I thought, there was no secret 'xo's' in the message or anything going on behind my back. Just the odd text here and there.

She has completely blocked me out and ran away from me. I just don't know if this is her way of dealing with the guilt/shame of it all or if she really is done with me. I'm just wondering as it's been over a week of no contact now if I should keep it up or just really try and get her to talk to me. Anytime I asked to talk up until no contact she said no and needed more time for things to blow over. I'm being treated like her enemy in ways, I think my pleading put her off a bit, but I seriously thought at the time the longer we aren't talking the further she was going to get from me. It's almost like my paranoid thoughts have sent her into it, rather than her actually making a rational decision.

Is it likely she is comparing me to this guy still? I just don't see how 3 years could be thrown away so quickly when there was a future planned and I'm just wondering if there will be a point when she will actually sit and talk things out with me or am I just hanging on for a closure that wont happen. I know if she is comparing that it'll take a few weeks but she will realize that I am the better person, I treated her with so much respect and love and honestly didn't do a thing in my life without considering her and she did the same for me. I think our relationship was just at the point were the honeymoon stage was well over and while we were madly in love you do have the odd argument - as does every couple, but this argument just has been blown out of proportions. She has been acting quite happy from what I gather, but it can't all be perfect after just breaking up with someone out of the blue after 3 years and getting straight with someone else. I was a massive part of her life and I know there will be constantly things around her to remind her of me, we did spend everyday together for 3 years after all.

I honestly thought from the breakup we would've just had a few days apart and realized how strongly we loved each other - she was actually saying similar things such as space will help our love grow, but I chose not to be left hanging and we broke up. But then this 'friend' came along to 'comfort' and turned things upside down.

At the end of the day, I do honestly know that somewhere down the line be it in a few months/years she will realize she has made a massive mistake. I'm extremely confident in saying that. I'm not an arrogant person but I just know that I treated her better, not with spending money etc but just with affection and genuinely caring for her. She just seems to be constantly acting out of character though and just trying to run from it all rather than deal with it. I don't even know if I'd take her back after it all as the damage is a lot from her actions, but I'm just wondering if it's likely she will want to talk in a few weeks and end things well or is it done for good. She's also made a few things difficult for me, as in difficult for us to cut ties completely, so that also makes me wonder.

Lots of questions and no answers...hmm.

[beenmadehumble]

I'm in the same boat my man. I too have a lot of questions that have been or are going unanswered. It took me over 2 months to finally tell myself to go no contact. I mean the girl is with another guy right now. That pretty much sums it up at this point. But, she may just trying to fill that void. At the end of the day I guess it's just better to not pester someone constantly about what they are thinking or how they feel. I bet she is comparing you to this other guy and whats more I'll bet she still thinks about you. The fact of the matter is only she knows what she is thinking. I would not say that the longer you two go without talking the further apart you will get. It sucks.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but a week of no contact is not that long. Try and give it some more time and see if you start to feel better or see if she contacts you first. I went the pushy/ needy route too for the first few weeks after my ex was gradually starting to talk to me less and less. Now I don't text her or call her unless she contacts me first which she does occasionally because she has stuff at my place. It is hard. I know shes on your mind 24/7. Time is the only thing that will make this better.

As hard as it is you just have to give it some more time. No one is saying forget about her or give up. Just give it some time. Try to focus on something else. I know it's hard as ****, but there is not much else you can do.

[Boisdevie]

If your perfect relationship was so wonderful how come she left you? Seems that it was perfect for you, less than perfect for her.

[berg101]

The end of a relationship is such a hard thing to get through - especially when the relationship was so perfect. Just over a year ago me and my girlfriend of 3 years broke up - I ended it with her because I couldn't see a future with her anymore, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get her out of my head and in fact the only way I was able to get over her was to start seeing someone else immediately - it gives you a huge boost and makes you realise that it isn't the end of the world. I know it's extremely difficult but you have to move on. I have been with my current girlfriend for 6 months now and I love her to bits, she's absolutely brilliant and completely brings out my best side and gives me this drive to strive for more which is great - but I have to admit there are times when I become extremely paranoid and dwell on what would happen if we broke up - this has gradually got better for me but sometimes I still find it difficult - but I know that as time goes on these will vanish.

My point is that life goes on and that just because you aren't together anymore doesn't mean you won't ever be happy - Im a firm believer that things happen for a reason. There are 6 billion people in the world - just imagine how many women out there would be perfect for you?! Just keep thinking positively and day by day things will become easier.

Hope that helps.

[Prime39]

I went through the exact same thing!! 5 months ago she broke up with me and was with some other guy! I was devastated, I begged and went through all the crap your probably going through right now! Guess what! I moved on with my life and totally put her behind me, and guess who called me last night! I thought I would relish this moment but I don't! I don't have those same strong feelings I used to have for her! Do what I had to do. Despite being depressed and totally in the dumps for the first couple of months, I hung out with friends. Met as many women as possible. And just enjoined being single. Trust me, If I can do it, you can do it! You'll get stronger by the day! And before you know it, she'll be calling you the way my ex is calling me! Good luck man, stay strong! When you pick up the phone to call or text her, remember that I was in your same exact situation, and it's better to hang on to your dignity. Don't contact her!! Move on, trust me. Good things will come from this!