moving in with my boyfriend

[Leila]

Well your mind is already set on this - when you are in a relationship (may I add that your guys aren't even engaged), everything is shared - including cars houses and I don't know, his passwords to his chequings account too? Why do you even bother asking for advice and different perspectives when your mind is already set that couples should be sharing everything regardless of who contributes more?

[Wakeup]

Remember how it was in the 50 s women stayed home and didn't work outside the home but she was included.

Someone has been watching too many Leave it to Beaver reruns.

[surfhb]

Well Smackie,

You always seem to have a very negative out look on life. No wonder why couples don't last anymore or can't communicate and don't know how to compromise , to share their life nor have the ability to not be selfish. Life is about growing old together and treating the other with respect and love and as an equal no matter what.

People want the best of both world today by living in two seperate houses yet say that they are a true couple , I say they are not, they only want the benefits of having someone permanent to have sex with and for the good times and as soon as things get rough, they hit the road because no one in this generation knows the real meaning of LOVE. partenership etc....

Remember how it was in the 50 s women stayed home and didn't work outside the home but she was included.

I would like to add that I do have a job, I,m in a new domaine, and my salary isn't the same for the moment, I have a lot of sacrificies to make for a while but it's insulting to hear you judge so easily someone you don't know anything about and you automaticaly think I'm out to get his money. I could care less of the money he put in to the house, he can keep it all. it comes down to the fact that it's a life you are creating with someone both people should feel equally important and a part of all the process.

today everyone wants to think about themselves, me, myself and I. no wonder why people can't get along anymore. they cannot commit to a true relationship.

This isnt the 50s and you are not married! What part of this dont you understand?

Futhermore, you never answered my question - Why arent you discussing marriage instead of this house? Once youre married you just put yourself on the deed

[smackie9]

You are just pissed that no one agrees with you. Well too bad. Your BF is doing the right thing. You would sure as shit change your tune if you were the one with the house and money, and he decides he wants half of what you worked so hard for after he dumps your ass because he feels he is entitled to it.

[Lynda]

I am not pissed at all because. No one agrees or desagrees with me its the way some of you talk. As i mentionned i did have a house a car etc and just so uou know he asked me to lend him 15,000$ and i did. And if i had the money today i would happily Add his name to thehouse we would buy It s not how much each person contributes but. That we each contribute in the best way we can with what we have. To the best of our capacity.

The reason we havent discussed marriage like someone Said is because it s the guy that should ask a girls hand in marriage. Ot the other way around he knows i want to get married i will wait for him to ask.

[Boisdevie]

The reason we havent discussed marriage like someone Said is because it s the guy that should ask a girls hand in marriage.

Sounds like you hold old fashioned values. In the past women weren't allowed to own property. Would you also agree with that old fashioned value?

For the record I wouldn't sign over half of my house either.

[surfhb]

I am not pissed at all because. No one agrees or desagrees with me its the way some of you talk. As i mentionned i did have a house a car etc and just so uou know he asked me to lend him 15,000$ and i did. And if i had the money today i would happily Add his name to thehouse we would buy It s not how much each person contributes but. That we each contribute in the best way we can with what we have. To the best of our capacity.

The reason we havent discussed marriage like someone Said is because it s the guy that should ask a girls hand in marriage. Ot the other way around he knows i want to get married i will wait for him to ask.

A DISCUSSION about marriage is different then ASKING for your hand. He's obviously not ready to marry you so why would you think he would put you on a the title of a house?

This thread is mind blowing

[bluesummer]

Ridiculous. I moved in with my husband who owned his own place and I did not, before we were even engaged. I paid him 'rent' (my contribution towards the mortgage payments) and after we were married and I had actually contributed something towards the house I went on title. Only fair.

We have a couple of joint accounts to pay our mortgage and household bills, but otherwise maintain separate accounts and investments.....and as we're both in banking/finance we know the best ways to handle money and assets. Joint everything is simply not advisable or smart. I've seen the worst situations from couples sharing accounts and issues with people being put on title of houses and then the relationship going sour.

Sorry OP, but your bf is right. You should not go on title. It is completely in your favour and not at all in his.

[IndiReloaded]

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months, we have talked about buying a house and living together. Of course he will buy the house because I don't have the money right now since I have lost my job.
I do understand he's fears of losing the money he invested but, when you love someone don't you see past that and share your lives?

He's being completely sensible. Why should he put you on title? What is your contribution?

It sounds like there are some trust issues with the two of you.

This isn't about lack of trust. Except maybe hers. She's looking to him to make this 'grand gesture' of love in the form of money (sorry, but that's what it is) and he's too smart to do it. I'm sure she loves him, but there's more to a relationship than that. She needs to pull her own weight.

Marriage is a legal contract, part of which is business. You are asking your boyfriend for a real claim to a real asset, but your only contribution is a future relationship, which may or may not actually succeed. In effect, you are asking for something for nothing.

Thank you^.

I am in a similar situation, but I own the house. Will you be paying half of the mortgage every month?

This sounds most reasonable to me.

I live with my girlfriend in the house I have purchased before we started dating. I had a contract written up that she will pay me rent (no more than she paid at her studio apartment) and that she has no legal standing in the ownership of the house until the time we choose to get married, at which point I will sign her into partial ownership. She had no problem with this and stated she would feel bad asking to own part of a house which she can't afford, and hasn't put any money into.

I think it is fair, she can't afford to pay even half of my mortgage payment, so she has no entitlement to the house, and it works. I think you shouldn't ask to be signed into something you can't afford, I think you should wait until you either choose to get married, or can afford to put your name on the deed. Nothing in life is free, and even though you're not a gold digger, you're asking for 1/2 of a house without putting in 1/2 of the cash.

Its fair to the extent she would be renting anyway. The trouble with this is she isn't investing in an asset of her own. Perhaps the two of you should invest her portion of the rent she pays you, with an agreement to split the return?

Yikes! Did you look into the legality of your 'agreement' Cerby? Particularily did she have separate representation (if you did get legal advice?) In Canada after living together for more than (last time I checked) two years you are considered common law spouses and if she's been paying any money to you, then that means she's contributed to the house expenses and MAY be entitled to half of the increased value of your home from the time she moved in until the time you guys separate (if you ever do).

Ridiculous. I moved in with my husband who owned his own place and I did not, before we were even engaged. I paid him 'rent' (my contribution towards the mortgage payments) and after we were married and I had actually contributed something towards the house I went on title. Only fair.

We have a couple of joint accounts to pay our mortgage and household bills, but otherwise maintain separate accounts and investments.

Sorry OP, but your bf is right. You should not go on title. It is completely in your favour and not at all in his.

Ah Blue, the voice of reason. Welcome back.

[smackie9]

Just because you love each other still doesn't justify entitlement. He shouldn't have to prove his trust or love for you by including you on his assets. Is his decision a little bit of a stab to your heart?

[Cerby]

lol

My house is bought and paid for. I retired 15 years ago and have enough to last me until death. My gf who is 12 years my junior has sucked me off so much that im actually ****ing bored of it, hence why i come on the internets purely for my own amusement. As for your skanky ho of a gf making more money than me, i dont have to live with a repressed canadian homosexual, so i doubt she does. I hope that clears up some real life issues that were concerning you. Faggot.

Ah, the mark of a true troll, when all else fails, just call someone a faggot and throw a party in celebration of your victory. You're a pathetic piece of shit.

Its fair to the extent she would be renting anyway. The trouble with this is she isn't investing in an asset of her own. Perhaps the two of you should invest her portion of the rent she pays you, with an agreement to split the return?

All good, by the OPs logic, she is just investing in the future relationship! hahahahaha... But back to reality, I put 50% of what my she gives me into a term deposit so that if she needs to leave I'll have something to give back to her and help her out, the other half goes directly towards bills/mortgage. If everything works out in the end, we'll invest that saved money into something else.

[Boisdevie]

Ah, the mark of a true troll, when all else fails, just call someone a faggot

I thought that loony Cheekxs person had the exclusive right on calling people faggot?

[iamaninnocentma]

Pathetic piece of shit? hohohomo

[Wakeup]

Ridiculous. I moved in with my husband who owned his own place and I did not, before we were even engaged. I paid him 'rent' (my contribution towards the mortgage payments) and after we were married and I had actually contributed something towards the house I went on title. Only fair.

We have a couple of joint accounts to pay our mortgage and household bills, but otherwise maintain separate accounts and investments.....and as we're both in banking/finance we know the best ways to handle money and assets. Joint everything is simply not advisable or smart. I've seen the worst situations from couples sharing accounts and issues with people being put on title of houses and then the relationship going sour.

Sorry OP, but your bf is right. You should not go on title. It is completely in your favour and not at all in his.

This is how we have handled things for three decades except we bought our two homes together and we both went on title at the time of purchase. We BOTH had equal downpayment money to contribute.

When I stayed home for 8 years and raised our daughter, the hubby contributed to my Retirement Savings Plan while I wasn't working. A partnership is what you're talking about Op.. thing is, you want to be in the partnership without having any investment capital.

Why do you think that's fair?

[Lynda]

Thanks for your input.

I want to make it clear that I don't expect him to caugh up all the money while I sit on my butt doing nothing. I Can't put a down paiment on a house right now, but I do have a job and I would pay things along with him, the only difference is that I'm not making a lot of money at the moment since I have changed careers. It's a temporary situation. Isn't it normal that you do the best you can according to the salary you are making?

I guess that not many people think the way I think. I was with my ex husband for 21 years and I have never asked him for anything nor to support me entirely. I stayed home with the kids for 12 years then went back to work, but never once in those 12 years did he make me feel excluded or less important because I didn't have an income or money to buy a house etc.... That's why I have that way of thinking about a relationship. Even when I got divorced, I could of asked for spousal support because I was accustomed to a high standard of living, but I didn't want to do that, I wanted to detach myself from him and I wanted to prove that I was capable of making it on my own. Unfortunetely the timing is bad because I lost my job last year and I lost 50,000$ and then I met my bf. but that doesn't change how I would think about the situation because I would feel the same as I do today even if I had the money, that's just the way I am. When I commit myself to someone, it's 100% nothing less. I don't think it makes me a bad person or a person who is out to get money from someone. I would never do that.

This is how we have handled things for three decades except we bought our two homes together and we both went on title at the time of purchase. We BOTH had equal downpayment money to contribute.

When I stayed home for 8 years and raised our daughter, the hubby contributed to my Retirement Savings Plan while I wasn't working. A partnership is what you're talking about Op.. thing is, you want to be in the partnership without having any investment capital.

Why do you think that's fair?