Am I being unreasonable?

[trueb]

I've been seeing Ian for the better part of four years, but theres been a lot of arguments. We've both wanted it to work but it seeming more and more that it isn't going to.

It started back when I was 18, we started talking after I left college. He's a teacher there. We had no interest in each other at the time, we started seeing each other about 6 months after I left.

To cut a long story short, it's been tough. Apart from the obvious age gap, he's been been hiding me from work. He admits that he used to do it because of my history as a student there and says that the way he's behaving now is the way he would in any relationship, but I'm just not convinced.

He says years ago he took his partner (the woman before me) along to a college trip with the students and that they made it very difficult for him, that they showed him up trying to impress her and that he thinks it's a mistake to mix this work with his personal life. I could understand that, but no-one that he works with even knows about me. They're all telling him stories of whats happening in their lives but he's still pretending he's single. He also wont drop me off near the college on the way to work or by the station incase his boss (who knowns me) sees us together. I feel I have to be careful who I tell about him incase it gets back to the college and I can't mention him when I'm at my best friends house because she has younger siblings who are attending the college.

Then, the other day when we were in the pub, there was a couple of teenagers sitting near us who he overheard were students at his college. At one point I lent over a bit to get a bit closer to him and so we could have a quieter conversation (nothing inappropriate and I wasn't even physically touching him) to which he told me to move back. He got paranoid that the girls would catch on that we're involved because of my body language. They didn't know each other, and the girls never took one look at him. Personally, I got offended, I didn't think I did anything wrong and he got really angry with me asking why I couldn't respect his wishes and his job.This leaded to another argument and I told that I couldn't be in a relationship with his if it continued like this.

He's been telling me that one day we might settle down, get married, start a family, which I'm not ready for yet but how can he even say that under these circumstances. So when happens if I do have a baby and he becomes a father, is he not going to mention that? And if he does, how is he meant to explain it's mother? Just deny that last few years of our relationship? What do you think I made the right choice?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dump him. Tell him you'll consider trying again if he wants to 'go public', but not before.

This guy is just a pussy.

[Boisdevie]

theres been a lot of arguments.

Arguements = no fun = crap relationship = end it.

[Wakeup]

So when happens if I do have a baby and he becomes a father, is he not going to mention that? And if he does, how is he meant to explain it's mother?

Surely you're smart enough to realize that the last thing you would do is become pregnant if he's still hiding you? So, lets not worry about that at the moment.

Tell him you don't want to be a secret anymore and if he's not ready to announce your togetherness then you're real sorry about that, and you'll be unable to do this secret romance anymore and then bid him adeu if he doesn't agree and/or at the very least compromise some of the way.

If you're not going to do that then I guess you'll have to suck it up buttercup and be his back door girl until he deems it.

Shit or get off the pot. Be happy as is and enjoy. Be unhappy and stay anyway. Put it on the line and see if he values you enough to unveil you. Personally, I'd just leave and tell him thanks for the memories. He sounds like a right paranoid and snobby prick to be honest.

[Cerby]

He sounds married. A friend of mine dated a guy for well over a year who didn't want to be "close" in public, and didn't tell his friends about it. Turns out he was married and she was just a **** on the side.

Hopefully you're not this person.

[bcgirl]

And how big is this age gap? If u r 18 and he is like 40 , I can see how he can be insecure and not want to look like a pedofile...but this is not a normal relationship to be in if ur bf is constantly embarrassed of u. He probably wants u for the time being, comfort, sex, compAnionship when no one is watching...but in the long run in terms of marriage he doesn't see a future with u

[Wakeup]

He sounds married.

I was thinking the same thing but it was too hard to imagine that she'd be with someone for that long and not clue in.

[Boisdevie]

I was thinking the same thing but it was too hard to imagine that she'd be with someone for that long and not clue in.

Never underestimate the stupidity of the human.

[trueb]

Rofl. Thanks guys, I didn't think I would get a response. There is no possible way he is married, I've spent weeks with him at a time, always round his place and I knew all about him/his partner before me before we got together. I'm 22, he's 40 this month so there is quite an age gap yes, but everyone who meets us assumes we're going out together and no one has ever made any "pheodophile" like comments, I don't think that's the case. We had a big talk, he admits he's paranoid but he can't bring himself to "risk he career" in any way (strange considering we got together in the first place and "risk" it every time we are seen together in public, which we do a lot.) Anyway, I've told him I can't do it again and he seems OK. I feel it's time to move on. To be honest I've got so much going on anyway at the moment I don't have time for a boyfriend! Thank you again for your advice guys, it's aways nice to get an honest, unbiased opinion. All the best to all of you!

[InYourFACE]

I guess he is way older then you. so why do you even look for a old men to be with.
and a ex teacher?

Like what can you offer him that is of great value at his age?

And i agree that he shore dont have to bring his girlfriends at school activities, its stupid also.
cause you have noting to do with the activities. So why would you want to be there?!!!

But for him to hide you here and there is a sign of something very wrong.
Maybe shame, he is hiding something, he still traumatized about the situation with his ex and the students,
he wants you only for the goods, and dont want you to get to involve in his life???!
We dont know, but im shore you that is with him all the time knows it all.

So stop asking us bullshit! and use your own brains.

And remember he will not get younger, so are you ready to walk with a grandpa and your kid on the streets at a certain point?
and he will treat you like this more often.and how come you accepted for 4 years?

Start getting some self esteem!

So is that what you want?

[InYourFACE]

hmmm......... i dont know i feel that there is something wrong between the to of you. something pedophiles or something.
and that he knows that and thats why he act that way.

this story is creepy.

i cant understand how you can go for a 18 year old at that age anyway.
well at least he waited till it was legal to have the youngest legal pussy!