moving in with my boyfriend

[surfhb]

Thanks for your input.

I want to make it clear that I don't expect him to caugh up all the money while I sit on my butt doing nothing. I Can't put a down paiment on a house right now, but I do have a job and I would pay things along with him, the only difference is that I'm not making a lot of money at the moment since I have changed careers. It's a temporary situation. Isn't it normal that you do the best you can according to the salary you are making?

I guess that not many people think the way I think. I was with my ex husband for 21 years and I have never asked him for anything nor to support me entirely. I stayed home with the kids for 12 years then went back to work, but never once in those 12 years did he make me feel excluded or less important because I didn't have an income or money to buy a house etc.... That's why I have that way of thinking about a relationship. Even when I got divorced, I could of asked for spousal support because I was accustomed to a high standard of living, but I didn't want to do that, I wanted to detach myself from him and I wanted to prove that I was capable of making it on my own. Unfortunetely the timing is bad because I lost my job last year and I lost 50,000$ and then I met my bf. but that doesn't change how I would think about the situation because I would feel the same as I do today even if I had the money, that's just the way I am. When I commit myself to someone, it's 100% nothing less. I don't think it makes me a bad person or a person who is out to get money from someone. I would never do that.

First off, stop comparing your old marriage to this relationship.....its is not the same

Good for you! Im happy you feel that way. The problem is your boyfriend does not....for good reason IMO (and everyone else in this thread)

You keep avoiding the issue of why you aren't not married to this guy if thats what you want? have you discussed it? What does he say?

Good Luck!

[Wakeup]

This isn't ALL about him and him protecting his assets, Lynda. It's also about you and you protecting yours as well and you'll have none if you don't know both your's and his rights when in a common-law marriage. If you don't like what he wants to do and he won't change his mind then perhaps you shouldn't move in?

Read up on Common Law Marriages and find out all you can.

Incidently.. It is 3 years living together here in Ontario and 2 in British Columbia before the union is considered a common-law marriage.

Here's a link to get you started. Maybe educating yourself will get you off of this tunnel vision regarding what used to be and bring you up to what's currently going on. (in the Province of BC)

http://www.bcfamilylaw.ca/family-law/common-law-and-same-sex/

If you don't live in BC then just google for a link in your own area.

[IndiReloaded]

I guess that not many people think the way I think. I was with my ex husband for 21 years and I have never asked him for anything nor to support me entirely. I stayed home with the kids for 12 years then went back to work, but never once in those 12 years did he make me feel excluded or less important because I didn't have an income or money to buy a house etc.... That's why I have that way of thinking about a relationship. Even when I got divorced, I could of asked for spousal support because I was accustomed to a high standard of living, but I didn't want to do that, I wanted to detach myself from him and I wanted to prove that I was capable of making it on my own. Unfortunetely the timing is bad because I lost my job last year and I lost 50,000$ and then I met my bf.

So what? Really, why should your current BF care that your previous husband decided to support you? Different people, different situation. He doesn't owe you squat.

[smackie9]

This isn't ALL about him and him protecting his assets, Lynda. It's also about you and you protecting yours as well and you'll have none if you don't know both your's and his rights when in a common-law marriage.

I agree....anything can happen, like you receiving an inheritance or lottery winnings......he would be entitled to take half.

[Lynda]

Hi,

I know about the common law stuff, and just to let you know, I never mentionned to my current bf about my last situation. and I do not compare the two, i was just stating it here on the forum, because a lot of you think I'm out to take his money. I'm not. Of course I don't agree with him because I have my views, but it doesn't mean I won't accept it. that's why i'm asking for advice and opinions of others. This weekend, We talked a bit about marriage, I asked him if he thought about it sometimes and he said yes. I just don't want to push anything cause I want it to come naturally.

As for the protecting my assets, I know it's important, but I still see it as a we are partners and I chose to be with you for the rest of my life, so It's we and not me..... If I would win the lottery or inherite money, I would share it with him. If we always need to second guess or not trust our instinct, then how can we share our lives with someone. I hope you understand my point of view, I'm not trying to be difficult or anything, it's just the way I honestly feel. Money is important, but it's only money, we must not put all the importance on it......I speak from experience , cause I have lost 50, 000$ to a guy 2 years ago, looking back on that particular situation I should of listened to my instincts and I didn't. But this situation is different.


QUOTE=Wakeup;835202]This isn't ALL about him and him protecting his assets, Lynda. It's also about you and you protecting yours as well and you'll have none if you don't know both your's and his rights when in a common-law marriage. If you don't like what he wants to do and he won't change his mind then perhaps you shouldn't move in?

Read up on Common Law Marriages and find out all you can.

Incidently.. It is 3 years living together here in Ontario and 2 in British Columbia before the union is considered a common-law marriage.

Here's a link to get you started. Maybe educating yourself will get you off of this tunnel vision regarding what used to be and bring you up to what's currently going on. (in the Province of BC)

http://www.bcfamilylaw.ca/family-law/common-law-and-same-sex/

If you don't live in BC then just google for a link in your own area.[/QUOTE]

[smackie9]

Hi,

.I speak from experience , cause I have lost 50, 000$ to a guy 2 years ago, looking back on that particular situation I should of listened to my instincts and I didn't. But this situation is different.

There are only two definite things in life, death and taxes.....relationships are unpredictable. Just because YOU feel that you will be will him for the rest of your life is not grounds to have you name on the deed. Once you cohabitate with him for the allotted time for common law, you are entitled to half anyways, so what does it matter?

If money is no big deal to you, then having your name on the house shouldn't either.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Just because he's not putting you on the deed to the house doesn't mean he's not treating you as an equal in the relationship. If he starts throwing the fact that he owns the house in an argument and therefore has more of a say, then that is treating you as less than equal. You've been dating around a year it sounds like?? He'd be a complete fool to put you on the deed.

You have the option of not moving in with him, until you're married, engaged, or he's willing to put you on the deed, also. No one is forcing you to move in with him.

[Lynda]

Hi,

Thank you for your view, I guess i am very sensitive and I saw it more as loving me less or not seeing me as an equal. Today he he came over for lunch and he asked me if we can go look at a condo that's for sale It was like music to my ears. I know that I am at times overly sensitive and take things personally.

you message was appreciated.

Lynda



.

Just because he's not putting you on the deed to the house doesn't mean he's not treating you as an equal in the relationship. If he starts throwing the fact that he owns the house in an argument and therefore has more of a say, then that is treating you as less than equal. You've been dating around a year it sounds like?? He'd be a complete fool to put you on the deed.

You have the option of not moving in with him, until you're married, engaged, or he's willing to put you on the deed, also. No one is forcing you to move in with him.

[surfhb]

Hi,

Thank you for your view, I guess i am very sensitive and I saw it more as loving me less or not seeing me as an equal. Today he he came over for lunch and he asked me if we can go look at a condo that's for sale It was like music to my ears. I know that I am at times overly sensitive and take things personally.

you message was appreciated.

Lynda



.

Lets hope the guys smart enough to not put on the deed till youre married. Good luck!