Getting back a man's attention

[HeartIsAching]

Exactly...that is why its very frustrating when men enter into these types of situations and act like "it's no big deal" or continue to sleep with the girl/woman for months at a time....why do men do this? They aren't as stupid as they pretend to be...they know women get attached. It's selfish, careless and hurtful.

I realize that I already know the answer to my own question...it's just sad *some* men are like this

Yes, and here you place the blame squarely on the men who are doing what they agreed to, and not on the women who violated their own agreement and then expected something to change, usually without ever actually communicating their expectations. That is quite the sexist attitude.

It's not a matter of who's right and who's wrong, but a matter of unrealistic expectations, usually combine with un-communicated needs and stereotyping. If you want something ask for it. If you don't ask, don't cry when you don't get it. If you ask and don't get it, terminate the relationship. It goes BOTH WAYS.

It's actually happened to me both ways. Had a woman that I was FWB with, she got attached and started stalking me. When I broke it off entirely, she got upset.

Another time I was FWB with a woman, and she started getting attached and she broke it off abruptly. Funny thing was, she was one I got along with on a day-to-day basis quite well despite her being 10 years younger than me, and I would've quite seriously considered a change in our relationship - but she didn't ask. She made an assumption and broke it off.

In BOTH cases, it was lack of communication that screwed things up. If the first one had expressed her feelings and I'd clearly said "No, I don't want that" that should have been the end of that. The second one left without even finding out that things could've been different.

So I don't see how you're correct in assuming that it's "men's fault."

[Maple1714]

^^ HIA - I guess I was placing the blame on men...*some*. I don't have as much experience as you do in relationships...I am younger and haven't had that many partners. I always fall in love with anyone I am close with...

I am still getting over a broken heart from a while ago, so I am biased. My ex knew I was in love...or at least he definitely knew that I really really liked him and I was a relationship type of woman. He took advantage. He was a smooth talker...I honestly didn't know what his true intentions were until I asked him. Everyone...his friends and mine thought we were a couple. I don't why I am bringing this up or thinking about this today...shitty day. I think I should take a break from reading about people's relationship issues for a while.

[HeartIsAching]

That's an entirely different situation, IMO. If you thought you were in a relationship... did you discuss your relationship status with him, or did you make an assumption? Clarity in your communications, especially in the setting of boundaries and a willingness to not accept violations of those boundaries are essential to a relationship.

[Maple1714]

I kind of assumed...but when everyone...his ex GF even, his co-workers, his boss, my friends...started to refer to me as "his girl" b/c we were always together...I sat him down and asked him what the deal was. It was then that he told me he didn't want to have a GF. So, when are you supposed to have "the talk" with someone? When is the right time? As soon as you feel something? Sometimes it take men a little longer to develop feelings, so women wait. Then we have waited too long and set ourselves up for heart break?

[HeartIsAching]

Everyone who wasn't a part of it... except you. THEY made assumptions.

Have the talk as soon as you feel YOU want a relationship, and YOU want to have your relationship boundaries clear. If he doesn't, he'll tell you.

[Maple1714]

Everyone who wasn't a part of it... except you. THEY made assumptions.

Have the talk as soon as you feel YOU want a relationship, and YOU want to have your relationship boundaries clear. If he doesn't, he'll tell you.

True...true. We live and learn (hopefully). He is still single...it's been going on 3 years. Not that matter's or means anything at all, just noting it.

[Anika1]

Maple1714 I hear you! Why don't men get attached, i hate being a woman at times, i really can't control my emotions, i do control the expression though.

[Negan]

The amount of hypocrisy, ignorance and idiocy in this thread is reaching the ****ing cosmos.

[IndiReloaded]

Everyone who wasn't a part of it... except you. THEY made assumptions.

I agree with HIA. If you agree to buy a beater, don't complain later that its not a cadillac. Its the woman's feelings (or whoever starts developing them), therefore she needs to take ownership of them. A decent guy need only be clear about what his wants.

[smackie9]

Exactly...that is why its very frustrating when men enter into these types of situations and act like "it's no big deal" or continue to sleep with the girl/woman for months at a time....why do men do this? They aren't as stupid as they pretend to be...they know women get attached. It's selfish, careless and hurtful.

I realize that I already know the answer to my own question...it's just sad *some* men are like this

It all depends. If she hides it, or even hints about her feelings, but keeps saying she is OK with the arrangement just to have him stay, then she is the one to blame. Women have to take accountability for their own actions for getting their feelings involved when they agreed to be in this arrangement in the first place. If he is up front that he isn't emotionally involved and doesn't want to be, then it should be her responsibility, not his to end it. But when he ends it all fricken hell breaks loose, and she makes him out to be the bad guy when it's her own damn fault.

[Wakeup]

Seriously. You are the master of you. If you've entered into a fb or fwb then it is up to the person who want's to change that dynamic to come clean about their feelings and if the other doesn't want what you (the general you) want, then it's YOUR responsibility to back away. Any person who is getting what they want in this dynamic (which is no strings attached warm wet/hard places to masturbate with a breather) then they are NOT going to volunteer to leave you if you change the rules. Take responsibility for your own choices and your own actions and put the blame where it belongs... on you and your own choices.

*I'll add that it's particularily non logical that women who have learned that they catch feelings when they are having sex with the same partner for more than a one nighter, continue to do no strings attached, they've not learned a thing. To me, that makes no sense whatsoever.

Further: If a guy hasn't been upfront about NOT wanting a relationship and only wants a fb, then his actions will soon enough tell you his intentions. Don't ignore the red flag... get it defined and if you don't like the definition then love yourself enough to get out of the dynamic. Having no one is better than having your joy stolen from you one non-committed schtuup at a time.

[Sixpacj]

The amount of hypocrisy, ignorance and idiocy in this thread is reaching the ****ing cosmos.

Hahahaha yeah bro... but hey, a woman posts here asking males for opinions, and all the females suddenly feel like they have so much to say, usually some version of "it's not your fault" - how will they ever learn?

[smackie9]

Hahahaha yeah bro... but hey, a woman posts here asking males for opinions, and all the females suddenly feel like they have so much to say, usually some version of "it's not your fault" - how will they ever learn?

It doesn't make a difference...these broads won't believe a male opinion anyways because they can't think without their emotions getting in the way....

[Wakeup]

I've yet to see sixpack even reply to a thread in ask a male. All he ever does is comment on the women who have actually given some kind of advice. If he'd even read he'd see that the majority of us have NOT said anything of the like as "its not your fault."

[searock]

I've yet to see sixpack even reply to a thread in ask a male. All he ever does is comment on the women who have actually given some kind of advice. If he'd even read he'd see that the majority of us have NOT said anything of the like as "its not your fault."

Yes, and when he does post advice, it's basically the same thing that some female before him has already said.