how do i keep showing interest without looking desperate?

[nukl92]

Long story short, im in college and met a girl in class. i asked her out on a date and she said yes. we talked for a few days and she got weird, i called her out and she said theres a guy she went and visited that always comes back into her life just when he wants and they started talking again a few days before i sked her out. she told me she gets sucked in by him, she knows shes getting played and knows she stupid and dumb, but just cant get herself away from this guy. i wondered y she didnt just say no to my date and she told me she liked me and just didnt know how to say no. so she told me she didnt wanna talk because she didnt wanna drag me through the mud and play me, she wants to get over him first. so i asked if i could still take her out and show her how a real man should treat her. she was uncomfortable with that, so i said thats cool and get back to me when u get over him and she said ok. so we see eachother every tuesday and thursday in class and usually stay in contact over twitter, facebook, or text a few times a week too.

im not confident in just waiting for her to come to me when shes done with him. what if she loses her interest in me and stops seeing him, then i never know when to make my move? but thats my question, what should my move be?

its been about 3 weeks since this talk, were still friends and theres no awkwardness or anything, we still have a great time when were together. should i ask about the other guy and how its going? that seems desperate to me. should i just ask to hangout sometimes just as friends? should i ask to hangout and try to be flirty and try making moves? idk about that either, since she knows i know the situation and that can come off as me not respecting her decision. or should i just keep asking her on dates? tell her i know the situation, but i still wanna show her a good time and how she should/could be treated. what do u guys think i should do? any help on this situation will be greatly appreciated!

[miffy]

I think you should give her the space she obviously needs to realize these things for herself, as she said. She's obviously aware that she's a bit "addicted" to someone that isn't treating her well enough, and she stated herself that she doesn't know how to say "no" to someone she likes. I can sort of relate to that myself, since I experienced it in the past. It applies to to both men and women, and indicates that she is quite insecure and "love-starved" so to speak.

If you're really that into her, and want an honest chance at a healthy relationship happening, let her figure it out on her own, and don't push the subject. It might turn out a bit painful if she has relapses with this guy, but until she gets this out of her system on her own, you would only suffer in any form of intimacy with her. Have a good time with her as you have been, remain on good terms. When she does approach you on the subject, it'll be worth more than you dragging her away from one co-dependancy into another. Don't pressure her, don't force her, show her you're there and you care about her, but don't try forcing intimacy. Let her come to her own decisions, as you said yourself.

[nukl92]

Hmm, OK that makes sense. I'd love to be able to wait around and just wait, but one big thing of mine is that I like to know where I stand with ppl. I like closure on situations and to talk things out, I don't like having to guess where I stand. And I'm not just sitting around waiting for her or anything, so its not all I think, she's not the the only girl I'm interested/involved with. I just HATE not knowing where I stand and that's the situation I'm in now

[smackie9]

There's another guy......move on. I bet money on it it's just another excuse to say "not interested".

[smackie9]

[QUOTE=nukl92;796152 I just HATE not knowing where I stand and that's the situation I'm in now[/QUOTE]

It's plain to see after 3 weeks and nothing has progressed, nothing is going to happen.....friend zoned

[Wakeup]

she said theres a guy she went and visited that always comes back into her life just when he wants and they started talking again a few days before i sked her out. she told me she gets sucked in by him, she knows shes getting played and knows she stupid and dumb, but just cant get herself away from this guy.

The last thing you want to be doing in getting yourself emotionally embroiled with some chick who is whack enough to get herself addicted to what boils down to her addiction to her fvck buddy. Until she's grown enough to be able to tell him "no" and "don't contact me again." then you will always be competing for her attention.

You're wasting your time, money and most importantly (and the hardest to come back from) your emotional health if you keep letting her drag you along by your nose.

im not confident in just waiting for her to come to me when shes done with him. what if she loses her interest in me and stops seeing him, then i never know when to make my move? but thats my question, what should my move be?

You tell her that you realize that she is no where near ready to leave the man that treats her like crap but if she ever is, to contact you and if you're still single then you'll take her out for a cup of coffee and see how things go."

If she never contacts you then you'll know that you never were even in the running, never mind in first place. You definately are not first place. Don't set yourself up to settle for 2nd place for anyone, ever!

[haxan]

You don't need to ask her out again. If she wants to re-take you up on your offer, she will. Being flirty is fine, if that's a part of your personality. If it's not, don't force it, just be your normal self.

[bulrush]

she told me she gets sucked in by him,

Sounds like she is weak, and blames others for the choices she makes. Or there's another guy and you're not her first choice. Either way, stay away from her. She's not interested. She was just too weak to say "no" to a date to your face.

I know this type. They are more trouble than they are worth.

[craftamazing201]

Instead of dwelling on yourself and past relationships, ask him questions to show that you are interested in him. If he likes a certain color, it wouldn't hurt to wear that color every once in a while. If he likes a certain food, it would be heavenly if his favorite dish was served to him.

how to keep a guy interested

[sallyjoseph]

Just live your life! you don't need a anyone to enjoy life! Remember that even though it may seem that everyone's having fun being in a relationship, but it's hard work, too!

[aleyvu]

I don't know how she is as a person... but based on what you've posted, there's a pretty large chance that she's just trying to say "not interested" in a too-vague way and making up sentimental excuses.
A lot of girls are too wussy to say no, because they're too nice... but little do they know that it just creates a bigger problem in the long-run.

I know...
...because I'm one of them.
LOL

[Helen3224]

I feel like I'm in a similar situation. I've been seeing this guy for two months and everything had been great. He gave me the impression he wanted a relationship and said that he saw us hopefully working in the boyfriend girlfriend way. He seemed to be very keen at first but over the past few weeks he has not been as interested, fewer calls and texts. But he has a busy job and I just thought once things quietened down with him he would want to meet up. I asked him yesterday about meeting in friendly text and he just said he was busy and maybe we should wait to meet at least until things aren't so hectic. I don't know whether I'm too sensitive getting upset that I think this is him basically saying I'm not interested or if I should hive him the benefit of the doubt and wait and see, (maybe if I don't get in touch he will miss me etc). I have no confidence with dating my last boyfriend was 18 months ago and when he dumped me I felt worthless and still do. This new guy gave me something to feel good about but I always new he could do better than me. I reckon he has realised this. Any ideas?

[steviej]

Go out with her, get her blind drunk and smash her pasty.

Then spend the next 2 weeks ignoring her.

She'll be devoted to you for life.

[Wakeup]

^^^ If we go by most of the questions in Ask A Male then sadly, you're correct.

[basilandthyme]

She told you that she's stupid and dumb. BELIEVE her.