Why is my ex- posting sweet things about me?

[aldebaran]

I would like to know from a male perspective why my ex- is posting loving messages about me on Twitter months after we broke up. My account is locked but his is open and I took a look after a mutual friend told me my ex was posting a lot about me and us. I know I probably shouldn't have, but now that I have I have questions about his motivation in doing this and what if anything my best action would be.

I was totally over the moon for this guy, but we'd go through cycles every 4-6 months over a two year period where he would be head over heels, then would get scared to commit. After 3 cycles, I gave it one last try, but it happened again, so I broke it off the last time before he could.


I am new, not sure I am doing this correctly. I just submitted a new post/new thread, but can't seem to find it now. Hope the moderators let me know if I should be doing something differently.

[VincenzoG91]

My best friend sabotaged each of his three long-term relationships because he kept getting cold feet when he got to the engagement stage. All three of those women ended up marrying other guys, but two of them are still fond of him, judging by their behavior at the class reunions. And to this day, he still has strong feelings for both of those women.

So your ex might really miss you and want to get back together. And he still might have a fear of commitment that he can't overcome. I don't really understand the thought process and I have pushed my friend to get therapy, but he bailed on that after one session.

[aldebaran]

Thank you, VincenzoG91, I take your point that I shouldn't take it too personally. It is really hard not to sometimes. This relationship was really wonderful in so many ways and on levels that are hard to even articulate. We had a brilliant time together and I, who have always been really afraid of commitment, was ready to do so, gladly and with my whole heart. But, a friend has said, it might only be because deep down, I knew this person would never be able to commit, himself, and so that left me with lots of room to imagine myself doing the committing without fear.

Do you think I should alter my course and reach out to him? I don't feel inclined to, but also don't want to be cold if he is suffering. My fear is that reaching out might cause suffering, too.

In some of the posts, he calls me his "soul mate" or "beautiful friend" and he talks about gifts I gave him, places we visited and trips we took, plans we were making for working and living together. He quotes songs and poems about being cowardly and running away and how that's regrettable. Talks about his broken heart. But I know that love is an action as much as it is a feeling, and his actions for whatever reason never reached the level that would have let us overcome that anxiety/fear. Ironically, I understand that fear because I have had it myself, and I thought that would help us, but in the end without two people both committed, it can't work.

I've written him letters and made voice notes and think about him every day. I have dreamed about him. I tried going on a couple of very casual dates but the whole time just sat there, thinking of him and missing him. No one else compares.

We didn't have any cheating, stealing or lying...nothing ugly. But the outcome is sadly the same as it would have been. We aren't together.

[aldebaran]

Oh, also...we had just started couples therapy and had gone 5 times. Our therapist said our problems were not fatal and could be overcome if we were dedicated to learning more about ourselves and how to communicate better. But there was nothing logical or rational about the cycle, when it kicked in. He would just distance himself more and more (we lived together) and then say he just couldn't do this. I would cry and ask if there was anything at all we could do, take time apart, live separately...and he would say no. Each time we broke up, I was pretty devastated, but I got on with my life. And each time after a few weeks or a couple of months, he'd come back. I never got angry with him, just took him back on the spot and loved him the best I could.

[Boisdevie]

Your relationship simply didnt' work with this guy. That's the bad news. The good news is that there are millions of other guys in the US of A. So instead of continuing with this bullshit why not try to meet one?

[HeartIsAching]

This look familiar?



Under where it says "explosion" substitute words of emotional violence like "Making her think she's crazy. Playing mind games. Making her feel guilty."

[Wakeup]

Seriously.. why would you even consider even talking to him again which would just put you back on the merry-go-round/roller coaster ride he keeps you on. His words are just that, words. His actions have shown you who he is over and over again.. Don't forget that and be persuaded by words without action that he posts like a romantic gay man on a social networking site for tards.

You stagnate yourself from seeing the beauty in the men you have dated by keeping this failure in your heart and mind. Do the mental work you need to do to obliterate this man from your thoughts and concerns. This push/pull kind of thing you had going with him is emotional abuse. Don't let him screw up your psyche any further.

[pcmaster]

He probably still lives in the past when everything felt much better than now, Just meet eye on eye and talk for few hours - you have nothing to lose, just make things clear. Internet wont do any good as it not doing it now on twitter. Friend said something, ex posted something - thats real bullshit. To me sounds that two people just cant do super simple thing like talking.

[smackie9]

He wasn't scared to commit, during those times he was hitting something else, then sweet talk you back when he was done.