My girlfriend fancys my best mate! help

[Matt150]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 7 years now and she fancies my best mate. What is the best way about diffusing the situation and getting her to fall back in love with me?
(She doesn't know, I know she fancys my best mate)

[searock]

What do you mean when you say she "fancies" him? I mean, does she have a "serious" crush on him (thinks about him all the time, dreams about him, etc) or is she just attracted to him? If she's just attracted to him, I wouldn't worry... I'm attracted to one of my boyfriend's best friends too, but I'm very much in love with my bf. It's normal to be attracted to other people while in a relationship.

How do you know that she fancies him anyway?

[Matt150]

well, i saw the history on the computer and she googled his name. She was then googling stuff like 'i fancy my boyfriends friend', 'i love my boyfriend but i'm not in love with him' and 'i fancy someone else'.
What do you think this means? and how best to deal with it? She has been very off with me lately

[CoolStoryBro]

Crack her jaw, crack his jaw, and get a playstation.

[basilandthyme]

well, i saw the history on the computer and she googled his name. She was then googling stuff like 'i fancy my boyfriends friend', 'i love my boyfriend but i'm not in love with him' and 'i fancy someone else'.
What do you think this means? and how best to deal with it? She has been very off with me lately

This means that she has fallen out of love with you. She's with you because she cares somewhat, but she's now at a crossroads of making the final decision to stay or leave.

If I were you, I'd be preparing myself for the end.

[searock]

Yep, basil is right. If she googled "I love my boyfriend but I'm not in love with him" (unless she was googling it for a friend of hers, but I highly doubt it), it means she has fallen out of love with you, regardless of your friend. I think you should talk to her about it, there's a slight chance it might just be a period of confusion. Tell her you saw her google searches (if they just popped up as you were inserting text in the search-box, it's not like you were snooping). Don't tell her about your friend, that's irrelevant... she wouldn't have a crush on him if she weren't having doubts about your relationship: this is the primary problem and cause.

I think the best way to rekindle her feelings would be to travel some place you've never been before together. But you need to talk to her first.

[Matt150]

She did the goggling christmas eve, then christmas day morning she was very off with me. By the evening she seemed fine. and until now she's acting nice to me. there is no hugs or kisses. Is she taking me for a ride? Is she using me just as comfort.

[basilandthyme]

No, she's not taking you for a ride or using you. It's far more likely that she's trying behave normally and hoping to overcome these feelings. And there would almost certainly be an element of her not wanting to hurt you.

[Matt150]

Thanks for your help! You've got some really good advice
If u don't mind I can let u know the progression? Let u know how everything turns out.

The other day we went to a club with my mate and her mate.
Everything seemed fine, she didn't really acknowledge me much and over empisized her reactions to her friends stories.
They were both wearing ridiculously over sized high heels. Which is different as she usually likes to be slighty shorter then me.

Anyway, I was the designated driver so I wasn't drinking, thought it'd be good to keep a clear head too! as the night went on an started dancing she gave me what I thought were looks of discust. I said"why are ulooking at me like that?". She replayed shocked and got annoyedbecauseshe thought everything was normal.

Couple of hours later my mate an hers went off tigers drink from the bar. Which left me and my girlfriend alone on the edge of the dance floor. She looked distraught, static and uncomfortable.
I said "have a dance and continued to move to the music". She stayed still and wouldn't look me in the eye. So I de died to stand still all of a sudden an just looked at her!! She got angry that I was staring at her, but I kind of wanted some reaction.

Soon after I started total lot her mate who was very drunk.i genually believe she doesn't know anything about this situation and my girlfriend seems to be trying to work this out herself. Lateronthat night when I dropped her mate home. She began to drunk ly talk about things which kind of have me a solid knowledge of my girlfriend hasn't been talking to her best mate about what's happening. (This weirdness has kind of been going on for the past 3 months)

Heading home on the night kinda made me feel like I wanted to end it there and then. It gave me the motivation to do it. She was sleeping so went to bed. Today I had to get up early to take her to work as she was too hungover to drive. This was only 3 hrs after I'd just got home. I ignored her an she could tell I was off with her. Since she's got home she's been trying to give me hugs and chat silly to me. I've acted not fussed and given poor hugs. She said "what's wrong" and I said... "Nothing everything's fine" (playing her at her own game!)

[searock]

She said "what's wrong" and I said... "Nothing everything's fine" (playing her at her own game!)

The fact that she has poor communication skills doesn't mean that you should have poor communications skills too. Instead of "playing at her own game" (which is obviously not working for either of you), do the adult thing and talk to her.

Tell her that you've been noticing changes in her behavior towards you for the past 3 months, tell her how it makes you feel. Ask her if there's anything that can be done to make things better, ask her if she *wants* to make things better, and if the answer to even just one of those questions is "no", tell her you think it's better to go your separate ways.

[rayna]

I agree with searock. Playing games won't get you anywhere, but maybe to some crazy drama down the line. I'm not particularly good at breakups (who is really?) but say something along the lines of how you notice things have been different between you two and you want to talk about it and she should be honest...and maybe letting each other go would be the best thing to do at this point. Communication is important to a clean breakup.

[Alden]

Thanks a lot!!!
I am agree with your reviews...
Thanks for sharing...

[Guybrush]

Thanks a lot!!!
I am agree with your reviews...
Thanks for sharing...

You have been saying that 14 times in just as many threads now.....

[searock]

You have been saying that 14 times in just as many threads now.....

It's a bot.

[raavn111]

If you do real love to her just show that,take care of her and dont worry she'll be back

Best of luck
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