I am in a marriage and we have had our ups and downs and some tough financial times in the past. It resulted in us moving country where we are better off. My wife is far more outgoing and has managed to make many friends. I struggle a little with that.
Since having our 1st child my wife is constantly saying she doesnt feel sexy etc.. I am always trying to reassure her, I help around the house, cook, clean, work full time etc. I have always been faithful to her since the first day we got together. We are now expecting our 2nd child.
We get away. and my wife gets away to friends on weekends. I have always trusted her. Recently my wife asked me to check a message for her to see if a pal answered.. I noted on the scroll down a chat theyd had weeks earlier, where my wife suggested she and a pal go speed dating. It was my wifes idea. The pal is single and asked if Id care, my wife just said she wouldnt tell me and would make up something.. the pal just said she would get back to her. This shocked me, and if I am honest it made me look at the rest of her facebook info.. (it was wrong, but please bare in mind, she has my pass word and is regularly on mine, answering or posting messages and I am completely open with it) she on the other hand used to freak if I went near hers.
We had discussed about befriending ex partners or serious relationships, (we both had one) and we agreed not to reconnect. During our troubled times, she always said she regretted breaking up with this guy. I put it down to her having a wicked tounge at times. When I looked at her friends, it showed she has been friends with hers for a 18months (coinciding with protecting her page) and was in touch a few weeks ago on his birthday. I confronted her, she freaked out and then apologised but has done nothing to change this.
Now following one of her recent trips, she tells me that they regularly go to bars, chat and flirt with guys, sometimes drink and stay out till 3-4am. When I said I wasnt happy with it.. she just said she wasnt changing and if I said anything else, she would just tell me nothing or lie.
I want to be a trusting husband. I have never had an issue with her trips to/with her mates, but I am really bothered now. My gut is not accepting it, but I dont want to make things worse if I am over reacting. My feeling is, if I walk into a bar and see an attractive lady. My wife isnt around, so I go and buy her a drink, sit with her and flirt.. regardless if anything happened, its disrespecting my wife or her feelings. I wouldnt do it if my wife was in the room, so I shouldnt do it when she is not.
Now if the man is someone else, and my wife is the lady, my feeling is she shouldnt take the drink and sit there flirting with the guy. It isnt only hurtful to me, its disrespecting our marriage and humiliating to me and in front of people, her friends who I sometimes socialise with too.
Please tell me if you feel I am over reacting.. because I am agonising over what to do. I feel like its cheating. I as so hurt and I feel like she wont listen, shouts/laughs me off and it is taking my trust in her away. If it wasnt for my little girl I would leave right now.
What do you think?
Thank you