Dear Readers,
I'm in a new relationship, 2 months, with a girl from South America. She's lived in England for quite a few years now and her family are still overseas. She has a lot of very close friends from the South American community, both male and female, who she used to spend a lot of time with (staying with them over the weekends etc.). Lots of them are single, others in relationships. She says they are her surrogate family and she needs them. Also, she like the group to maintain cultural stuff and language. She knows I'm quite jealous and has asked me how I'm going to feel when she goes to stay with her male friends.
She moved in with me a few weeks ago as she wasn't getting on with her roommate and it felt like the right thing to do, if not a little fast. However we are now having some issues.....
I understand she needs her space, her friends and to do things on her own. In a normal relationship this is usually (to my understanding) going out with friends for lunch, maybe dinner some days, stopping out overnight occasionally and then maybe stopping away for a full weekend very occasionally.
However, because all her friends live a good distance away, in UK cities, if she goes to see them, it will always be an overnight or several day trip.
While I'm happy for her to go out on her own and see her friends and cousins, I don't want a relationship where she's away from home so many nights and weekends. I work hard in the week, and want to enjoy the weekends with her, not come home and sit in the house on my own all weekend. It's not like I can go out with my friends every time she does, because they are all married and won't be free.
Plus, once a year or so, she says she'll want to got back home to her family for 5 or 6 weeks, which I'll find hard.
To make matters worse for my self esteem, she's separated (for 2 years) but still married to her ex. Her family wouldn't approve of our relationship and most of her friends know her family, so only 4 people in her life know I exist. This means when she goes away to see her friends, they think she's single/separated and have no idea she's in a relationship... She says she'll tell them in time, when she can tell her mum, but I don't see that happening for 6 months....
Personally I probably go out once a month on my own for a few hours with work colleagues to the pub for a chat, twice a year I'll go walking with colleagues and stop Friday night in a bunk house, and twice a year I'll go abroad for a weekend training (martial arts), and maybe two or three night out a year with my friends where I'll stop overnight (as they're too far from home). So maybe 9 nights away from home a year for 'me time', which equates to something every 2 months or so. I do have to travel for work sometimes, but that's work and I have no choice.
I've no idea what the frequency of her trips away to see her friends will be yet, she says it won't be every weekend, but I imagine I'm going to lose her more than 1 weekend a month, which I'm not happy with.
Am I being un-reasonable? Or do we just want different things from the relationship and it's got no chance of working?? Maybe it'll be easier when she's made local friends that she can see without staying away overnight...
Opinions appreciated! Thanks
Jon