Emotional addiction

[confusedstill]

I'm emotionally attached with this guy. He's is married and I'm married too. I have a few bitterness owing to my partner and the marriage, though I dont experience any severe abuse. Some of my needs are still not met. But I never thought all these hiding factors would make me fall for this guy who attracted my senses in a couple of meetings. My brain skipped analytical reasoning for this guy. Whether his marriage is a happy one or not, I don't know, but he seemingly showed more interest in me more than what I showed him. Our conversation involved only interests that we shared and nothing sexual. But he always said I continue to amuse him whatever I did or spoke. Though I was carried away by his flattery talk, I never expressed anything and spoke casually. Suddenly one day he said I'm going to stop communicating to you hereafter and remained silent (obviously no reason). He sounded like - I'm afraid I'm going to fall for you, so I stop here . I knew this relationship is not worthy enough to worry for. Brain tells me this, but another part of the brain is extremely depressed about the sudden vanishing of the flirting. I enjoyed. How to cope up with this and become normal again. I want to stop worrying and get back to normal. Any suggestions please. His thoughts deny to go out of my mind.

[dickriculous]

Does your husband know how unhappy you are with the marriage? And does he know specifically with what? Unhappy marriages are often a 2 way street so you should also see if you can't find out if he is unhappy with you and why, what you can do, etc. If it got to this point chances are the problems have been around for awhile and were allowed to fester without being confronted and the longer that goes on the more inevitable it becomes that your marriage ends in disaster.

You and your husband need to lay all the cards on the table with each other and might need to look into counseling as well.

My guess - this is only a guess but I think it's an educated one - is that if you are emotionally addicted to another man it means your marriage is leaving you emotionally empty. You were getting out of this other guy what you sought in your marriage and couldn't find, or perhaps found once but had lost it over time. What caused this to happen? What could you have done different to prevent it? What can your husband do different to help the emptiness go away? To make the marriage more fulfilling for you? What can you do for him if he experiences a similar emptiness/unhappiness toward his marriage with you?

All of these questions need answers before you go any further, and it sounds to me like you will both need each other's full cooperation and support to stop what sounds like a breaking marriage from becoming broken.

Unless you believe it is already broken...I have no way of knowing really, as you were kind of vague when talking about your marriage. You'll have to use your own judgment to determine if it's worth trying to save.

[bcgirl]

It's normal for you to have some emotional crushes on others when your own marriage is not completely satisfying. That is why ppl cheat, they aren't totally happy in their marriage and try to fill that void in someone else. But what a lot of ppl mistake is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
What you must do is fix whatever problems you have in your marriage. I suspect your hubby isn't giving you the emotional attention you crave so any guy who gives you a little you fall for

[confusedstill]

It's normal for you to have some emotional crushes on others when your own marriage is not completely satisfying. That is why ppl cheat, they aren't totally happy in their marriage and try to fill that void in someone else. But what a lot of ppl mistake is that the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
What you must do is fix whatever problems you have in your marriage. I suspect your hubby isn't giving you the emotional attention you crave so any guy who gives you a little you fall for

I understand that the void being created is craving to be filled by some means. But there had been a few instances where people had praised me for some of my achievements and the things I have. Some of them have even tried being somewhat intimate with their talks, but I was conscious enough to avoid all of them, though this struggle in my marriage was always there. But this guy just won over them, won over me, infact. This has really alarmed me of what my subconscious mind needs, though I had been cool to ignore these things as unwanted. I even understand that, in the worst case, if I chose to be with this guy in a relationship, I'll still find a few things in him that I don't really like. But the point is, in spite of knowing things practically, my mind denies to forget his thoughts. How to I overcome them.

[confusedstill]

Does your husband know how unhappy you are with the marriage? And does he know specifically with what? Unhappy marriages are often a 2 way street so you should also see if you can't find out if he is unhappy with you and why, what you can do, etc. If it got to this point chances are the problems have been around for awhile and were allowed to fester without being confronted and the longer that goes on the more inevitable it becomes that your marriage ends in disaster.

You and your husband need to lay all the cards on the table with each other and might need to look into counseling as well.

My guess - this is only a guess but I think it's an educated one - is that if you are emotionally addicted to another man it means your marriage is leaving you emotionally empty. You were getting out of this other guy what you sought in your marriage and couldn't find, or perhaps found once but had lost it over time. What caused this to happen? What could you have done different to prevent it? What can your husband do different to help the emptiness go away? To make the marriage more fulfilling for you? What can you do for him if he experiences a similar emptiness/unhappiness toward his marriage with you?

All of these questions need answers before you go any further, and it sounds to me like you will both need each other's full cooperation and support to stop what sounds like a breaking marriage from becoming broken.

Unless you believe it is already broken...I have no way of knowing really, as you were kind of vague when talking about your marriage. You'll have to use your own judgment to determine if it's worth trying to save.

I tried talking to my husband of some of my concerns and expectations from him. He has been very defensive of all of them and he would compare things that are unrelated to the topic of discussion and claims to have sacrificed a few things himself. Sometimes he had been complaining of few things that i do, though there would be nothing to complain actually : say for example cooking - my friends at office would say that a particular item tastes really good, whereas my hubby would talk negative of them. And he makes a point to say negative if he feels it is not good or worst, whereas doesn't appreciate if something turns out to be good. If asked, he would give a very very little nod (we got to assume it is good).
Is there any possibility of he being jealous of me for something, to show it off like this? Though I don't want this to be a truth, I'm not able to think away from this too, occasionally.

[Fruitss]

Its stupid and childish too run too other men when things r going bad at home.
U knew that there will be hard times in marriage so u cant run with other men now that they
are there.

U suppose too get a solution with your husband, counseling, something.
There is where u need too be battling.
And try what u need too to save it.
And if it did not work at the end. u have the choice too leave.

U did not fall inlove with this other men, U just went out too fall or too get wht u
want or r not getting from your husband right now.
So u need to sit and talk with your husband about counseling, see what went wrong when did u both
lost the happiness or got bitterness involve.
And see if he wants too work it out and make things better
And both of u go for it with counseling.

And t the end, every relationship will now hard times. So
will u always live like this? Run too other men every-time things are bad in a relationship?
Its mature too deal with the issues , sit and talk see what is the best, and make choices.
And if that means breaking up/ divorce , after that u can see other men.
But dont stay in a relationship or marriage and mess around.
Thats so immature and wrong.

[bcgirl]

I tried talking to my husband of some of my concerns and expectations from him. He has been very defensive of all of them and he would compare things that are unrelated to the topic of discussion and claims to have sacrificed a few things himself. Sometimes he had been complaining of few things that i do, though there would be nothing to complain actually : say for example cooking - my friends at office would say that a particular item tastes really good, whereas my hubby would talk negative of them. And he makes a point to say negative if he feels it is not good or worst, whereas doesn't appreciate if something turns out to be good. If asked, he would give a very very little nod (we got to assume it is good).
Is there any possibility of he being jealous of me for something, to show it off like this? Though I don't want this to be a truth, I'm not able to think away from this

Your husband probably is not happy with his own accomplishments so therefore criticizes you. How is your communication with him? not good i take it. Get some marriage counselling because I can just foresee you leaving your hubby for this guy which won't be all rainbows and butterflies

[smackie9]

Get counseling for yourself before you make your next move. It takes two to repair a marriage. If he refuses to go to counseling, communicate or listen, then seek out legal counsel and start the divorce proceedings. These would be the proper steps to take and not escaping into an emotional affair to hide from your problems.

[confusedstill]

Your husband probably is not happy with his own accomplishments so therefore criticizes you. How is your communication with him? not good i take it. Get some marriage counselling because I can just foresee you leaving your hubby for this guy which won't be all rainbows and butterflies

In one way what u say is right. I can see that he's not content about his work, though it is financially rewarding. He himself has told me sometimes that I do a much satisfying work professionally. Would that be triggering some negative thoughts? I don't know. As a person he's timid, not very active other than his work. I thought and still have a thought that it is his nature. But is there anything else to this? Generally when at home he hardly strikes any interesting conversation, if I ask something he replies, without turning at me - just keeps watching the TV or video games and he can be with them hours together too. I have been so frustrated at times, when I realise he comes home only for food and sleep. That lively togetherness is missing.
Leaving my hubby for this guy is something which I can say is near impossible, I think that the feeling for this guy is very temporary and recent enough, and moreover I've stopped communicating to him for sometime now. Compared to the past few days, I see a little difference in me, regarding the addiction, but still am not back to normal. The thoughts still come and go. If I'm personally happy, anybody for that matter shouldn't be disturbing me in the future? Or is this something unrelated? I don't have a clarity on this.

[confusedstill]

Get counseling for yourself before you make your next move. It takes two to repair a marriage. If he refuses to go to counseling, communicate or listen, then seek out legal counsel and start the divorce proceedings. These would be the proper steps to take and not escaping into an emotional affair to hide from your problems.

Tried talking to him when we fought over a matter and I asked him that we need to go for a counselling and he refuses to come telling me that it is me who's having a problem and only i should go. Let me try again on another occasion. I perfectly understand that an emotional affair will only worsen the situation.

[smackie9]

Do what he says..seek out counseling for yourself to have some guidance on how to properly handle your approach on him joining you....you know so he doesn't feel so threatened. Or at least learn how to communicate with him better.... You might gain a better perspective on what is going on.