Need a little female help.

[macintosh74]

Hi everyone, I want to thank you for this forum and reading my post, and hopefully someone giving me some answers....

So I have been with this amazing girl on and off for about 4 years now. There is a very deep connection between us, she always breaks up with me and in some was we always find ourselves back together again. This has been going on for about four years. We met where I used to work and yes that did put a strain on things at the time. I no longer work there which is good for us, that isn't the problem.

Every couple has issues, every person has issues, I have mine and she has hers, we are both working on our own issues separately and we do talk about these things with each other. This issue, or the game that seems to being played is one that we have always played, and quite frankly I simply do not know how to stop the game and prevent it from happening.

I do see myself with her until the day I die, she sees that too. The issue is that we break up, get back together, break up, get back together and this time the game has changed a little.

Let me explain.

Just before Christmas we broke up, started talking again, spend NYE together and the shortly after NY's we stopped talking again, she stopped talking to me. Then she started talking to me again and we started hanging out again. Then she tells me that she needs some time to think and to be alone and would prefer that I didn't contact her. I honored that and didn't. Mid February she texts me that she wants to go on in life alone, I don't respond to her, yes it hurt and quite frankly I didn't have anything to say, she made her mind up. Two days later I get around 17 texts messages from her ranging from can we still be friends, to please answer me I get very depressed when you don't answer me. I finally gave in when I got back into town and after an email from her I responded, I couldn't take not talking to her anymore, I was giving her what she, or I assumed, what she wanted and both of us didn't like it much.

So everything is going along fine, we talk every day, hang out, make dinner together (always something we loved to do), we start getting to know each other all over again until two days ago.

She starts an argument with me over text over our dog that I am minding for her while she is out of town (she's out of town this weekend with some friends). He is doing well with me and she wanted to talk about either him staying with me for good or going to another home, I told her would could talk about it at another time, not 10:30 at night when we are both tired, I was informed that I was being rude. Yesterday she informed me I was being inconsiderate to her because after being asked how my day was I replied it was busy and asked how her day was. She informed me that her day was probably way busier than mine and that I had no clue what busy was. The whole conversation degraded into her saying sorry and that the conversation was stupid because we are acting like a couple and we are not that.

Its all very confusing to me because less than three days prior she was telling me she loved me, and then she starts a fight for what? In fact one of the nights we were together she told me that I didn't seem to be fighting too much for her, which simply means to me please fight for me (or am I wrong?).

If anyone has any insight to any of this I would love to hear your thoughts as I am utterly lost and confused.

Thanks you.

[ashley89]

this girl has a lot of issues and seems unstable. you said she always breaks up with you but then comes back? what are the reasons she breaks up with you? it sounds like she plays mind games and messes with your head. in a relationship one person can't be wishy washy like that because it isn't fair to the other person. it sounds like you are a decent, caring guy and it doesn't seem fair that you constantly have to wonder what you did "wrong" or why she's mad at you this time. I would seriously think about how happy you are with this girl. maybe you should sit down and talk to her and ask her flat out what she wants. if she claims she wants to be alone, then just break it off. it's not right that she toys with your emotions like this on a constant basis

[HeartIsAching]

Sounds to me like she's an attention whore, and when you stop giving her attention she does or says something outrageous to get you to give her more attention.

[macintosh74]

That you for your replies, what you are saying makes a lot of sense to me. This got worse yesterday, so far I have had three days of her fighting with me. Wednesday, out dog that she asked me to take because she was having a hard time with him, the next day because I had a busy day and I was disrespectful towards her because she had a busy day too, and now yesterday about our dog again because the pet store didn't have his correct food and I got him something else. It even went as far as her threatening me to call the cops on me!

I am tired of the games and quite frankly I am at a loss. I am trying to stop this dance and it is just impossible to do. The issues is not the dog or my day, there is something more going on that she is not saying and I just wish she would say it rather that hiding it. Oh, another thing, all of this is over text, I call her to talk to her and she sends me to voicemail. Fun times.

[dem862]

This woman is extremely emotional and seems to have characteristics of someone with a history of traumatic brain injury or perhaps another type of trauma or long-term drug or alcohol abuse. It any event, it is unlikely she will be able to stop this behavior on a permanent basis. So you must determine whether or not you are willing to continue with her as she is, or downgrade your relationship to a less intimate level.

[Boisdevie]

I am tired of the games and quite frankly I am at a loss. I am trying to stop this dance and it is just impossible to do.

I don't know if I'm allowed to comment because I've got the wrong kind of pink bits in my pants but here goes.

Get a bloody grip. Why's it impossible to stop this dance? Don't you have any kind of freewill? Pathetic, absolutly pathetic.

[michelle23]

It sounds like she loves drama and enjoys the excitement of arguments/fights/break up/get back together etc. It is unhealthy and she sounds unstable.
You should tell her if she ends it once more-you are done and mean it!

Also tell her to stop picking ridiculous fights with you. Just say you are sick to death of it. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and say enough is enough! If she cannot grow up and act like a mature adult who wants a problem free relationship-just get rid of her. It should not be this complicated. You should only argue if you actually have a good reason to

[Wakeup]

Op.. I suggest you get some personal therapy to help you get off this emotionally dysfunctional merry-go-round that she has you on. You're addicted to her psychotic abuse of you.

Google Boarderline Personality Disorder and see if the majority of it matches up with her particular "ism" Also google "Am I Codependent" and then read about at least one aspect of yourself.

This relationship is emotionally abusive to you and it's akin to a battered woman who keeps going back to her batterer. Break the cycle and get yourself off the merry-go-round.

[rob1984]

stop being such a push over! either tell this Bi-polar gf of yours to grow up, or move on.. so she wanted you 2 watch the dog while she went away with her friends.. not sure i read that right.. she knows you are a push over.

[smackie9]

She is what in her early 20s? No surprise there. She breaks up with you for the attention, and the drama. Why? because she is a spoiled brat that is used to having things her own way. When she was a little girl, she would have temper tantrums, put on the water works and daddy would give her what she wanted to shut her up. This is learned behavior, that now continues into adulthood. She doesn't need therapy, she needs a man with some balls to put her in her place, and to stop her from getting away with this behavior. She needs to get her head out of her self entitled, self absorbed ass, and grow the f uck up.

Every time you got back together, you enabled this behavior. She has never learned that there should be consequences to her bull s hit.

It's too late to do anything about it, she will always feel she can manipulate you. It's time for you to walk, and find a healthier relationship with a more mature girl. I'm sure with the next few BFs she will find out her crap won't work on them.....and maybe she will figure it out that it's her not them that has issues.

[rob1984]

exactly manipuation is the word i wanted.. Imet my wife when she was 17.. her parents loaded.. she got what she wanted at all times.. that stopped.. took me a few years of no`s and argueing until she got it and now she laughs at the things she did. lol.. in your case it may be a lil too late.

[Lubna]

I think she did not trust you.