Wife materialistic?

[azman73]

I love my wife but everything I do for her and our family is not recognized nor seem to be appreciated unless I buy something for her.

I'm the only one that works, handle finances, put a roof over our head, feed us, medical benefits, vehicle, etc....
I do what I can for us, the best I can. Well for instance today on valentines day she has a wedding ring but she wants a bigger ring, she says a ring reflects my love for her, and its something that you will wear for the rest of your life. Well at the time we bought our rings I used what money I had left to buy us both rings at the time to get married. I look at it as a memory we shared buying these rings when we didn't have much and how we should carry and reflect our love for each other from within not on a finger. maybe I'm just old school and too humble but I just don't know what to think.

[basilandthyme]

Hi Azman, there's this book called The Five Love Languages. The author, Gary Chapman writes about his theory of different people giving and recieving love in different ways:
*Words of Affirmation
*Physical Affection
*Acts of Service
*Quality Time
and you guessed it:
*Receiving Gifts.

It would seem that you and your wife feel love in different ways. None of those ways is wrong, but they can be very different. My advice is to get hold of the book and read it together. You can learn more about how each other shows and receives love.

[azman73]

Hello Basil, nice to meet you.

My wife and I both have read the book and took the tests, and we both tested at Words of Affirmation. But she is never happy unless I or she buys something nice for for her.

[basilandthyme]

OK...still poking around at ideas. This problem is much more than a wedding ring, isn't it.

You said >>But she is never happy unless I or she buys something nice for for her<<I'm trying to work out how literally to take this comment. I mean, "never happy" is a really big statement to make. Are we talking about a woman who uses the adrenaline of getting something new to combat depression? Or are you exaggerating when you say "never happy"?

During a week, how often does she buy stuff? What kind of money are we talking about and are they reasonable purchases. Does she like getting new stuff or does she *need* new stuff in order to function?

Sorry to give you more questions, but I feel that we haven't yet got a handle on just what's going on.

[azman73]

She does take depression pills...

She will go shopping as soon as I get paid which is every two Weeks. She already has my tax refund spent before it's in hand.

I could say they are reasonable purchases, not expensive at all.

If I don't spend money, i'm not having fun. I do spend money but with one income and supporting a family has it's priorities before fun, in my opinion.

[Boisdevie]

Get her to handle the finances. Then she'll sound realise what's doable and what isn't. Was she always like this?

[basilandthyme]

From what you write in the last paragraph, your wife hardly sounds like she's spending more than can be afforded. It doesn't sound like she's literally "never happy" unless she has something new. And if you agree that her purchases are reasonable and inexpensive, I'm not sure how you're coming up with her being materialistic.

Going back to the ring thing, perhaps an eternity ring would be something to consider. Tell her treasuring the old rings are important to you - but perhaps it's time to cement the love with an eternity ring.

[pcmaster]

Thats sucks that some women are like that. Already as a teenager I noticed that as better paid job I have as better(with more respect) my mother treats me. Quess sooner or later they realise that all man are pretty much the same only their paid check is diferent.

If ring reflects your love than what reflects wifes love to you?

[azman73]

Why I was leading towards materialistic, which I might be wrong in leading that direction. I have put aside my health (doctor and dentist appointments) to buy what she wants to her a smile and a glow out of her. But when I do mention I need to attend to myself she will state ” what about me?”

I don't know, sorry and thanks everybody for the feed back

[surfhb2]

Why I was leading towards materialistic, which I might be wrong in leading that direction. I have put aside my health (doctor and dentist appointments) to buy what she wants to her a smile and a glow out of her. But when I do mention I need to attend to myself she will state ” what about me?”

I don't know, sorry and thanks everybody for the feed back

You need to put your foot down. Have you discussed it with her and your feelings? Do you have retirement savings?

[basilandthyme]

Why I was leading towards materialistic, which I might be wrong in leading that direction. I have put aside my health (doctor and dentist appointments) to buy what she wants to her a smile and a glow out of her. But when I do mention I need to attend to myself she will state ” what about me?”

What happens if you show her the account balance?

[Genjuros]

she says a ring reflects my love for her,

Wauw, what a gold digger you found there. Love or not, Doesn't sound to me that she respects you. Think you deserve better than her. in the long run, I wouldnt be able to be in a relationship with a person who didn't respect me. Sorry if i sound offensive, but those words just shocked/offended me.

[Genjuros]

This clearly must take a lot of your time and energy to think about. An advice I was told myself on this forum was: Rather be single, than wishing you were.

[michelle23]

Id recommend relationship counselling as she sounds very selfish and you need to sort this issue out now. Why doesn't she go and get a job if she wants everything her way? You work hard and yet cant even go to the dentist? That is just wrong! Women have fought and fought for rights and there is still women in the world depending completely on a man financially. It baffles me-really does..

[toknow]

"Well for instance today on valentines day she has a wedding ring but she wants a bigger ring, she says a ring reflects my love for her..."

AHHAHAHAHA... That is just classic. That is not only materialistic, but ungrateful. Maybe she really doesn't see what you do for her and thinks you don't love her enough because you don't do enough, but it could be she is materialistic.