Friends With Benefits or Interested??

[wanderlust]

Well, I have told him that I won't have sex with someone I'm not in a trusting relationship with.. I think why he might be getting confused/frustrated is because I've still been willing to do other things. I mean, I obviously hook up with him because I want to.. but I wonder now if it's really in my best interest at this point.

We've been texting on and off still, and he wished me a happy Valentine's day with a cute picture attached. It was nice, and he was stuck in the library all night for their big test on Monday, but I must say..I was a bit underwhelmed. Now my friend and the guy I set her up with at the ball have been talking. He even asked her to their med school ball at the beginning of March, but she can't go. Has my guy even mentioned said ball to me? Nope.

I'm going home again next weekend, and he knows this.. his friend made me convince my friend to come in town as well. So, I assume we'll all meet up downtown one night. Not ideal, obviously. If he doesn't ask me out on a legitimate date, then I'm not sure how I want to act towards him when I see him out, you know? Like I said before.. I can NOT let myself hook up with him again.

I mean, I've only known him since the beginning of the year..and spent time with him in person four times. With a shy, practical/cautious guy like him, is it too soon to rush him anyways? Maybe I'm expecting too much. As far as the long distance thing... he's incredibly busy during the week/most weekends, and I come home about every other weekend. So, it really works out well. Plus, I'll be done with school by the end of June (at the latest).

[smackie9]

What do you mean by "other things"? to me hooking up is having sex...what do you mean by still "hooking up"?

[wanderlust]

I guess people have different definitions of hooking up.. everything else besides intercourse.

[Wakeup]

Why are you blowing him if he's not committed to you and then coming here and basicilly asking us if he's playing you? Why would you think that doing him in every way except letting him enter you was being chaste?

Now that you've revealed that you're doing everything with him but letting him put his penis in your vagina.. I'd say you're a friend with benefits. The benefits being everything but intercourse. JHC.... *shakes head*

[wanderlust]

Hm, thanks for the judgment. I say some people are more comfortable with being physical while dating than others... alcohol can add to that. I'm not "blowing him," but it has happened.

I guess that was part of my last concern -- maybe I should hold out on anything physical the next time I see him, and see how he reacts. He does seem to care for me more than just physically.. the question is how much & is he willing to step it up. How long shall I wait for this to happen?

[Wakeup]

Maybe you should either do the guy without expectation or, refrain from doing him until you know where you stand. For goodness sakes you come here asking about your situation and then you label calling it what it is as judging.

How about don't be expecting blow jobs and hand jobs to glean you a boyfriend. Too many women can give him that and more without committment (just like you did) so why do you think he'd think you were special in any way?
How would you know he cares for you any more than he cares for any of the other girls he's getting an orgasm from and meeting up at the odd "ball" with?

Well, I have told him that I won't have sex with someone I'm not in a trusting relationship with..

How naive are you? They don't call it oral SEX for nothing... it like intercourse leads to an orgasm... it is one specialty of the sex realm.

I mean, I obviously hook up with him because I want to.. but I wonder now if it's really in my best interest at this point.

Talk about trying to put the tooth paste back into the tube. Dear... stop using your sexuality as a bartering tool. Either you do it without expectation that it will lead to committment and just enjoy or, you don't do any of it unless you're in a trusting relationship. You say one thing and do another and he is likely laughing at it all while he continues to "be bad at relationships" .. wowzer.

I've met up with him and our mutual friends on two different occasions. The last time I ended up staying with him (no sex).

but did you have an orgasm? Did he? O.o Was that statement given to purposely deceive yourself or us?

Sorry to be so blunt but now that you've revealed that you do everything with him but let him enter you and presented yourself as being chaste when you haven't been, it puts a whole new spin on things.

I say stop contacting him all together or outright ask him again to define what you have and if he still says he has trouble with relationships then quit seeing him all together or learn how to keep your emotions out of the bedroom antics.

[michelle23]

Uhh! This is starting to drive me crazy lol. Feel like i am in the habit of repeating myself but anyway... If it feels wrong OP then it prob is, if you cant get a straight answer about commitment forget him, follow your instincts.

Billions of men in the world, set your standards high and dont settle

[smackie9]

What you are doing is not being normal that I can see why he is confused. You are willing to get him off but won't open your legs...sex is sex whether it's a BJ or taking it up the ass. Wakeup is right if there is a happy ending, it's sex no matter how you perceive it. Shy or not this guy is taking whatever you are willing to give. He probably thinks other guys are getting hand jobs from you as well. You are not commitment material, that is why he treats you the way he does. He just wants to get his happy ending.....and he doesn't have to pay for it!