Friends with Benefits

[tiffanyg07]

I am in the Army and currently deployed. My fiance passed away eight months before I got deployed. I was still going thru my grief stages. Four months after I got in country I was having a normal conversation with a male in my unit. (We will call him...Shane.) Somehow it came up in the conversation about me losing my fiance and he told me he lost his wife a few years back. Immediately every time we got a little down about it we would go to eachother instead of holding it in because we were the only two who knew how eachother felt since we had gone thru the same tragedy. A few weeks later we ended up messing around. After that day we talked and decided we could become friends with benefits. We also agreed that no one could find out about it just so we wouldn't have any drama. To this day only one person knows about us. Everytime I would go over we would lay down and talk about anything and everything. He would lay next to me and tell me how beautiful I was, that I was the nicest girl he ever met, and so many other compliments. He would also always tell me that I better not get a boyfriend while we are deployed or have sex with anyone else because then we wouldn't be friends w/ benefits anymore and he wants to be. We got into one particular conversation about someone asking me to go on a date with him when I was on leave. I talked to Shane about it and he was telling me it would be good for me to go on a date. He just told me he doesn't want to see me get hurt so to just be careful not to get feelings for him before I got home for good or jump into a relationship on leave.


A few weeks after we started being friends with benefits he started saying something and stopped short. I told him I really wanted to know what he was going to say. He told me that he thought he was developing feelings for me. I immediately got nervous and said I think your wrong. I think you think you have feelings for me because we are deployed and this is the closest thing to comfort you have. He told me he isn't a child and he knows how he feels. I was just so shocked and nervous to hear those words that I kept shutting him down and he ended up saying maybe I was right. After that day we still have our heart to heart conversations when we lay together but its a little different. He doesn't lay there like he used to telling me how beautiful I am and how I am the nicest girl he's ever met.


My two week leave was right around the corner at this point. Oddly enough when we chose our leave, before we had ever even had a conversation, it ended up being the same except he left two days after I did. Before I left he asked me for my cell number back at home so that maybe if we weren't busy one day we could meet up. I got home and decided I wanted to visit one of our soldiers that got sent home who happened to be friends with Shane since they were younger. Since I had to drive by his town to go to the base he was at for rehabilition and they were such good friends I called him and asked him if he wanted to go with me to visit him. He said he didn't know if it was a good idea because it would get back to the unit that we visited him together. I told him that was perfectly fine and the guy who asked me on a date wanted to go with me. He immediately changed his mind and wanted to go instead of me going with my male friend. He asked me to drive up there the night before so we could get a hotel together and hang out a little before we continued on our way. The rest of my leave I may have hung out with him two more times because he lives three hours away from me. One time I drove up there and twice he came down to where I lived.


We came back and things remained the same for a little while. Then he told me one night that he thought I was developing feelings for him and that we should take a break. I turned the feelings part down right away and said a break would be fine. He texted me a few days later asking me to come by and of course I gave in. We continued on and off for a few weeks until one day he texted me saying "I just wanted to take things slow. Talk and listen too." I ignored it since I didn't quite understand the message exactly and we continued our friends with benefits agreement. It is still going on as we speak. When he was sick he would text me and I would go running over ten differents times bringing him things til' he could fall asleep. I would pretty much do everything he asked.

He's extremely jealous of any guy who talks to me. He texts me when we are away from eachother saying how much he misses me. Not everytime I go see him we have sex. When I am looking a little down and haven't said anything to him he blows up my phone to make sure I am ok....

BTW, We are both single. I am wondering what you guys think about this situation. I have had feelings for him since right before he told me he had feelings. I was just too nervous and shocked to admit it when he did. I have tried to ignore his texts to go over but that lasts a whole 10 minutes and I give in. I have never told him how I feel but everytime he says I think your starting to have feelings for me he says we need to take a break or stop the frends with benefits but we both always give in. I feel if I tell him he is going to run away. But that could just be me thinking too much into it. I've tried to ignore the feelings as well and thats not happening either. I am just wondering if you guys think he has feelings for me? Should I stop now so I don't get hurt even more in the end? If I bring up how I feel to him I have no idea what to say. Someone please give me some advice because I am soooooooo confused about our situation.... Im also wondering if when he told me he had feelings for me and I completely turned them down, did I ruin it???? If so is there any way his feelings will come back???



Thank You Very Much,
Tiffany

[theSOUNDofMUSIC]

He must definitely feel something for you otherwise he wouldnt be so jealous and 'territorial'. How could he be if he didnt feel anything for you? I think you turning him down the first time just made him hide or restrain the feelings a little more.

but really just be honest. how is this friends w/ benefits thing going to work if he wont let you date any other guys without flipping out? if youre scared it will scare him away if you tell him you have feelings for him just phrase it like a hypothetical question. i mean he'll probably see straight through that but you know technically it was only hypothetical so just tell him it crossed your mind and try to shake it off if he flips out.

best advice ive got that can help you there but the lying and hiding or denying feelings thing cant go on for long without some real problems cropping up. honesty is always the best policy when it comes to these things.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Always dreamed of friends with benefits.

[tiffanyg07]

Thank you. Im going to have to try that!!!!