The Truth About Love

[Rowen]

yeah I completely understand. and you just found this out, so you're still in shock and feeling really upset by the whole thing. your opinion may change as the months go by, or it might not. it's so hard when you care so much about someone to just cut them out of your life completely, and of course if they suddenly ran back and changed their mind we probably would go right back to them even though we know we shouldn't. it's the reason why I've gone back to this stupid guy for 2 years! whenever you wanna talk I'll give you my e-mail cause these PM things suck, they only let you type a couple sentences and I can definitely talk way more than that haha :]

Thanks, Ashley. I'll definitely do that tonight and probably email you tomorrow because I'm going to make dinner and go to bed soon. I agree, though, that it's still shock. I hate this feeling.

[Rowen]

So, I have an update...

He texted me today, asking if I calmed down. I asked why, and he stated I was acting "quite irrational on Wednesday," as he put it. We went on to text for a while, and he restated he never made me wait for him- that he never told me to because he didn't want this to happen but unfortunately it did. He told me that he didn't see it as stabbing me in the back because he didn't talk crap about me behind my back or hurt me physically. I expressed how I felt about what he did, and he asked me, "What do you expect me to do? Dump my boyfriend to make you happy? This might hurt, but I'm very happy now with him. He's so different from the other guys I dated." I told him about how I never asked him before to sacrifice his happiness for mine and I never asked him to breakup with anyone for me- that I was glad he's happy. He went to say he didn't tell anyone he was seeing him and called me melodramatic. I was just being honest that, yes, I felt like I always screwed up and didn't deserve him. I know it sounds like it, but I have serious feelings of inadequacy when I get really down and hurt. I love him so much, and I'm so confused. I really want to forgive him and just drop it, but it kills me knowing I don't have any chance with him and that I'll probably never have another chance with him. I feel like he doesn't believe me that I care about his general well being and that I really was trying to work on my fears. I practiced EFT. I kept my word. I believed in him, guys. I didn't keep secrets from him; he was the only guy I talked to. I just wish I was the one who made him happy. And while I know it's selfish of me to think that, I really want to make him happy.

He's just stopped responding, so I'm guessing our talk is over... I don't know if he's cutting me out of his life entirely or what. He hasn't unfriended me from Facebook yet. But I know he's upset with me when he ignores me. I feel so terrible about all of this- like it was all my fault. And I just accept that it was. I wish I could go back to when this all began... God dammnit! I had good intentions; I swear to all that is god damn fact in this world that I did- that I was trying. It's the truth.

[kskts6115]

Wow I know just how you feel. You are wishing you were good enough for him and that you were the one to make him happy. My ex and I broke up about a month ago and I know those feelings all too well. I also wanted to try again with this guy but he clearly didn't want to with me. I know that it hurts like crazy but the bigger picture that you have to see is that he is saving you from unhappiness. By breaking up you can find someone who loves you just as much as you love them
because this relationship down the road wouldn't make you happy because you would want more than he's willing to give. I know it's hard when you love the person but you deserve better. You deserve to be loved and not hurt over someone who is just going to find another guy so quickly. That's terrible that he did that but use that as motivation to get over him. I know it's hard to hear and I really feel for you because I know it hurts and I'm dealing with the same thing. It's not you that isn't good enough, it's just that there is someone better out there for you. I hope I help you feel a little better and to be honest no contact is probably best..

[Rowen]

We weren't ever together, but thank you for some positivity... I don't know. I hate the thought of losing him as a friend.