The Truth About Love

[Rowen]

So, I'm going to just rant for a little... I know that the typical poster is going to say forget him- he's not worth your time anyway and you'll find someone better- that I'm young and just being stupid. But I really just needed someone/some people to talk to right now...

You see, I'm a god damn idiot- probably the biggest idiot on this forum. So, who am I to ever give someone advice? Nothing's ever worked out for me, so you should probably just do the opposite of whatever I post... And to show you what an idiot I am, let's take a look at tonight, shall we? The man that I've mentioned quite a lot on here was born today, exactly twenty one years ago. While things actually improved between us (I posted once asking for advice.), and we admitted we missed each other...he's been going out with another guy on dates behind my back. Yes, I get the way it works; we're both single, so he's free to do whatever he wants. Though we were talking, he's his own person with his own free will. But at the same time, I can't say I'm particularly happy... I was going to surprise him for his birthday with a poem I wrote and worked really hard on editing to get it just right because I love him more than anything... In the end, he didn't read it (Never answered me whether he wanted to or not.), and he made me aware of this other guy by making his relationship official on Facebook. Yes, friends, he gave me a gift too. He only answered me when I confronted him about his new boyfriend, which I know I'm a prick for doing because it's his birthday, and he apologized and told me he did care all along- it wasn't a lie. He also said he didn't make me wait for him...though I believed he wanted me so I waited like the fool I am while he got a better car and his finances in order... After he told me that, everything was as it should be-- like nothing ever happened. Though I feel like the lone survivor of an airline crash, I respect that he's happy. In the end, that's all that counts.

But let me tell you about love; love is a bully, sometimes. It will make you feel what you never have before- bend you till you're doing things you thought you'd never simply because you're inspired and challenged. Yet, in the end, if it betrays you, it's an unread poem and a rainbow birthday cake.

If anyone has any advice or similar experiences to share or just feel like mocking my post here, I welcome you to comment. Or even if you just want to debate ideas about love/how people suck/whatever you want.
Honestly, I could really use someone to talk to right now, even if they're just a troll....

[basilandthyme]

Rowen, for what it's worth, I've done some really stupid stuff in the name of love. Especially when I was your age. I do feel like I've got my sh!t together now, but really, it's just the result of so many years of learning.

When I answer a post and say "I would do this or that in your situation", my advice only comes from the advantage of being old and the fact that I've made so many mistakes. Just make sure you keep learning from those mistakes and you will get through these years.

[michelle23]

Its okay to feel angry, let down, hurt etc. Take your time to do that and when you are ready, you can tell yourself it wasn't meant to be and there is someone special out there for me

[toknow]

Love never betrays. Love never fails.

So what you have experienced can not be love.

[kskts6115]

Sometimes writing about how you are feeling actually makes you better. When I'm really upset I just write it all out and I feel like a small weight has been lifted off my shoulders so maybe start writing more poetry about how you feel. It's like it's own therapy in a way.

I will tell you this - no matter what people are going to hurt you. They are going to do what it takes to make themselves happy, it's just the way the world works. And when you love someone and they let you down it's probably the worst feeling in the world. I know that feeling too. What I have been doing lately is thinking of my situation like it is actually a friend's situation and what advice I would give her. Maybe try doing that too because then you won't be as clouded by the love you feel and can actually think logically. And right now you have to be selfish too. This is an article I found pretty helpful- http://mindfulconstruct.com/2010/11/12/the-only-way-to-get-over-heartbreak/

When my ex and I broke up I immediately wrote him this huge long letter about what he means to me and what I want our relationship to be. I was so sure I needed to give it to him to get it all out there. But people kept saying don't do it and I'll regret it so I just held onto it and eventually the feeling of needing him to read it went away. I still have it because I can't bring myself to throw it away yet. But maybe it's best in the long run that he didn't read your poem. Although it meant so much to you because you put your heart into it (like I did with my letter), he would never be able to appreciate it the way you wanted him to. So I think it really is for the best that you didn't hang out because imagine how much that would hurt to have thrown yourself out there to someone who doesn't want to catch you. I know it hurts like crazy but this guy isn't meant for you. If you are going to take the time to write a poem and make a cake you deserve someone who will appreciate it and also do the same things for you. It just sucks when you fall head over heels for the wrong person and while they go out dating your feelings about them are still the same. I get angry and question love and feel mad at the world but then I think there's a reason everything happens and although we don't know it now I'm sure down the road it will make sense. And I know that one day there is going to be someone for us that will make us forget about all the past heartbreak and pain and just love us for who we are.

Ps: you made a rainbow cake? That's pretty flipping awesome!

[Rowen]

First of all, thank you, all, for your replies. To be honest, I didn't really expect anyone to, given the tone of my post.

Rowen, for what it's worth, I've done some really stupid stuff in the name of love. Especially when I was your age. I do feel like I've got my sh!t together now, but really, it's just the result of so many years of learning.

When I answer a post and say "I would do this or that in your situation", my advice only comes from the advantage of being old and the fact that I've made so many mistakes. Just make sure you keep learning from those mistakes and you will get through these years.

I can see where you're coming from with this, but it baffles me why a number of people off of this site come to me for advice. It never seems to work, but they keep trusting my view.

As for stupid things in the name of love, I think it goes for any age, to be honest. Think about it; there are some people out there who go their whole lives married to someone who runs around on them simply for the fact they want to keep hope they'll change. There are those special husbands and wives who give up things for their spouse and move, only to be denied the same level of devotion in the end. I won't deny, though, I've done stupid crap, and I've been learning and will learn from it. I've admitted feelings to people I knew I could never have. I've dated my first boyfriend secretly simply out of my own twisted depression back then. At the same time, something really made me believe in this man as a person. Hell, we were friends for three years, now... And, as twisted as it sounds, something still makes me believe in him.

Its okay to feel angry, let down, hurt etc. Take your time to do that and when you are ready, you can tell yourself it wasn't meant to be and there is someone special out there for me

Thank you, Michelle. It's not really anger; I can't be angry with him for doing what makes him happy. Yes, I'm a bit disappointed and hurt, but I'm glad that he's happy. So, I apologize if I have nights where my posts have a degree of a depressing tone; I'm going to try to not let my own feelings affect any advice I give to others.

Love never betrays. Love never fails.

So what you have experienced can not be love.

As stated before, to each their own view. I, myself, do believe in unrequited love. Honestly, I've felt infatuation before. Infatuation, to me, is a chemical rush that has you grinning like a fool by their every word and picture. Meanwhile, like every rush, it wears off. What I felt for Corey was different than what I felt in infatuation with others. I know you'll never believe me, and I don't really care if you do. To each their own. With him, it was a case that I learned about his story and could make sense of him. He doesn't open up much, so I was lucky to hear this story. And no matter how many times he ever pissed me off or drove me crazy with some of his habits, those were the very habits and traits about him I missed when I thought of someone else being my boyfriend. It never mattered to me that he's going bald at twenty one. It didn't matter to me that he's shorter than I am (I usually go for guys who are taller.). It didn't even matter what was underneath the clothes. He was and still is beautiful to me for the reason I know and understand his story. His opinions challenged mine a number of times, but it made conversations interesting because it gave me a different perspective. In turn, there was something that inspired me and made me want to be a better person, myself. So, you can sit there and say it's not love. Who knows; maybe everyone agrees with you. But I agree to disagree...sorry.

Ps: you made a rainbow cake? That's pretty flipping awesome!

No, I didn't, actually. It was the cake he had for his birthday. I only included it to demonstrate his happiness while I'm like this... But I agree that it's a cool cake, nevertheless.

Thank you for your post. I'm not saying this is the end of hope for finding someone, but yeah...I don't really know how to feel about any of this anymore.

One day, he'll move to Canada like his plan is laid out. And then I'll never see him again.

[michelle23]

One day you'll look back and smile and say I'm glad it didn't work out with Corey or else I would not have met this wonderful person by my side now

[toknow]

One day you'll look back and smile and say I'm glad it didn't work out with Corey or else I would not have met this wonderful person by my side now

LOL...And everyone lived happily ever after.

[michelle23]

^^^ If that is sarcasm-you cant talk. You live on a cloud lol in a fairy tale.

[ashley89]

Rowen I think you give awesome advice! you are always calm and approach the subject with respect, never pushing your views or acting condescending like a lot of people do here. I totally understand what you are going through because almost the same type of situation happened to me about a month ago and I'm still going through it now. it sucks when you feel so strongly for someone and come to find out they didn't feel the same way back. it makes you feel like an idiot and you wonder why these things have to happen in the 1st place! all I can say is that I really do believe things happen for a reason. even though sometimes it sounds so cliche and you can't see why it had to happen, one day it makes sense. I have been in so many situations where I was hurt, pissed off, angry, and just wanted to know why I had to go through something so heartbreaking but then years later I looked back and realized why it worked out the day it did! PM me if you ever want to talk and I can tell you about my stupid guy situation :]

[michelle23]

I agree Rowen that you give great advice. And your opinion is highly respected here

[toknow]

LOL...The difference is I'm not living in a fairy tale, I'm living it.

Fairy tale = Reality unattainable by most

[Rowen]

One day you'll look back and smile and say I'm glad it didn't work out with Corey or else I would not have met this wonderful person by my side now

Most likely. It just sucks, I guess, for the time being. The fact that he's showing he's so much happier with the other guy doesn't make it any easier, though, so I'm avoiding Facebook like the plague.

LOL...And everyone lived happily ever after.

Funny, this is exactly what I said in my AP English class today when they were talking about a positive poem (Song of Delight).

Rowen I think you give awesome advice! you are always calm and approach the subject with respect, never pushing your views or acting condescending like a lot of people do here. I totally understand what you are going through because almost the same type of situation happened to me about a month ago and I'm still going through it now. it sucks when you feel so strongly for someone and come to find out they didn't feel the same way back. it makes you feel like an idiot and you wonder why these things have to happen in the 1st place! all I can say is that I really do believe things happen for a reason. even though sometimes it sounds so cliche and you can't see why it had to happen, one day it makes sense. I have been in so many situations where I was hurt, pissed off, angry, and just wanted to know why I had to go through something so heartbreaking but then years later I looked back and realized why it worked out the day it did! PM me if you ever want to talk and I can tell you about my stupid guy situation :]

Okay, I'll probably take you up on that offer. Thank you for that. I'm not necessarily sure, though, what I'm going to do as far as the future of Corey and I- friendship, I mean. While I know there's probably no chance that I could accept him caring as more than a friend (once I get through this) should he decide he wants me five-six months or whatever later, a large part of me still would want to be friends with him. My cousin (who usually gives really good advice) told me she thinks even that will be hard for me to do because I'd always be wondering if I could actually trust him again given how long and intense we were talking and how much he just blindsided me with this. While I think it's going to one day be hard to trust him again, I have serious trouble cutting people out of my life unless I truly hate them. Even then, I still feel tiny pinches of remorse. And I really would rather not lose Corey from my life, entirely- not because I'm hoping he'll change but because of how different it would be without him. I'm not sure.

I agree Rowen that you give great advice. And your opinion is highly respected here

Thank you. I'm glad that I don't just sound like a ranting twat.

LOL...The difference is I'm not living in a fairy tale, I'm living it.

Fairy tale = Reality unattainable by most

...Would you be offended if I told you that you, for some strange reason, remind me of the character Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory? lol


Thank you, everyone, for replying. For now, I just think I'll read more. It usually works for getting your mind off of things if it's a novel you really get into. Thank you for all of your hope. While it kills me that he seems so much happier with the other guy than I could make him, I guess I just need time. I'm glad that he found happiness, though. He's honestly got a hell of a sad story.

If I can ever offer an ear (well, eye, in this case), to listen, just PM me. You're all really awesome. Thank you very much. :S

[HeartIsAching]

Rowen, for what it's worth, I've done some really stupid stuff in the name of love. Especially when I was your age. I do feel like I've got my sh!t together now, but really, it's just the result of so many years of learning.

When I answer a post and say "I would do this or that in your situation", my advice only comes from the advantage of being old and the fact that I've made so many mistakes. Just make sure you keep learning from those mistakes and you will get through these years.

Exactly right...

And some of us had to have it forced down our throats before we got it.

[ashley89]

Okay, I'll probably take you up on that offer. Thank you for that. I'm not necessarily sure, though, what I'm going to do as far as the future of Corey and I- friendship, I mean. While I know there's probably no chance that I could accept him caring as more than a friend (once I get through this) should he decide he wants me five-six months or whatever later, a large part of me still would want to be friends with him. My cousin (who usually gives really good advice) told me she thinks even that will be hard for me to do because I'd always be wondering if I could actually trust him again given how long and intense we were talking and how much he just blindsided me with this. While I think it's going to one day be hard to trust him again, I have serious trouble cutting people out of my life unless I truly hate them. Even then, I still feel tiny pinches of remorse. And I really would rather not lose Corey from my life, entirely- not because I'm hoping he'll change but because of how different it would be without him. I'm not sure.

yeah I completely understand. and you just found this out, so you're still in shock and feeling really upset by the whole thing. your opinion may change as the months go by, or it might not. it's so hard when you care so much about someone to just cut them out of your life completely, and of course if they suddenly ran back and changed their mind we probably would go right back to them even though we know we shouldn't. it's the reason why I've gone back to this stupid guy for 2 years! whenever you wanna talk I'll give you my e-mail cause these PM things suck, they only let you type a couple sentences and I can definitely talk way more than that haha :]