Looking for your thoughts.

[Thomas188]

Ok.* So I met this girl, neither of us was looking for anything like trying to find love.* Sparks flew from the first talking and things clicked 110% it was described as effortless multiple times.* Everything was so "perfect" between us, used in quotes because it literally took no time to value each other, appreciate, share all major views, similar personalities.* We had to work on nothing, and it was evidentially clear that we weren't settling with anything.* We fell in love without wanting to and it can be described of as "the notebook" love.* Everything was so great that for 6+ months we were always scared that something was hidden or there was going to be a deal breaker.* We were waiting for something bad to happen and it never did between us.* I obviously fell hard for her and she I, we pray together and have always enjoyed our time together.* She was previously married and I as well, she has 2 boys and I do not.* Both of our past marriages were bad in different stances, her ex was never around and did horrible things for their family. He wouldn't work despite her great job and convinced her into buying a 2nd house and it ended up being where she was behind before her paycheck each month.* Despite those differences it was a 1-way street and the second she got off work he would leave her at the house to raise their kids almost every night.* My previous marriage ended from my wife having an affair on me while she worked out of town. This affair lasted about 1.5yr and despite both my gf and I attending marriage counseling, neither of the parties would walk the road with us.* She divorced him, I was divorced.

After we fell in love we both said and genuinely meant that we were the best things that had ever happened to each other.* She said she was the happiest she had ever been in her life, and I know I was.* Despite her telling me, her family said it on many occasions and I had her friends message me and was like I am so happy for you two because I have never seen her so happy and just the mentioning of your name she glows.* People at church came up and said you two are truly happy and are blessed.* It happened so often from random people, and everyone else it was almost scary. I felt bad for her working non-stop and want her to start relaxing some so I change jobs and take a job in the same town.* we moved in and everything was perfect! I stepped up to the plate and was helping her raise her boys, we played, I LOVE THEM, and have always accepted that it's a package deal involving them and her ex.* They fell in love with me and we had this happy family.* I took a good job and allowed us to be more comfortable which we are no doubt.* She was happy because despite being younger than her by 5 years she says I'm very mature and I help her save.* I am home every night and every once in a while I will travel to visit my friends when she is working.* I spent time fixing the things around her house that were broken just from being a single mom.* Up until xmas we were perfect then her emotions were starting to flow.

I expected this, it was her first xmas truly divorced and she was spending it as a change even though the ex still came over.* Ok, accepting it he was also becoming emotional and started saying I love you, you messed our family up, I would do anything to have you back.* She feels bad for "kicking him out" so this affects her. I don't know about this until Jan when she needs space.* I knew we weren't clicking great but I understood some of it.* After a few days of minimal contact she tells me to come home and breaks down and is crying saying she knows she wants me there but the idea of the ideal family not separated was playing on her mind.* I understand and she asks me to be patient.* First and foremost, I love this girl and I am in love with her no doubt.* I will fight for her and I promised all these things and meant it.* So after telling me she feels better and for the next 3 weeks we are perfect, just like we were before.* Then for the past 2-3 weeks it was starting again, we spent some quality time together and like always it was great, but the normal day to day wasn't clicking and I could see her stressing out.* During this time I know he is still messaging her and saying inappropriate things, I obviously do get upset and naturally I start putting pressure on us.* So now we have known that we were going to marry and it was all we ever wanted but it become me being clingy in a sense, and there was added relationship pressures.* We go on vacation and her birthday was down there, but things are a little off and we weren't clicking down there.* Now we don't argue or anything like that, but our time spent isn't moochy perfect and just kinda like filling a void.* I had planned to propose and after she got drift from someone kinda spilling beans she said she wasn't ready.* Until xmas we were ready and then Jan that happened.* After she told me she was looking at rings again and asking me if I was going to ask her dad for permission.* I knew there were added things with the ex, but I still thought our future was clear.* So a lot of the vacation I wasn't emotionally stable 100% and was off because I was shattered.* This she picked up on and it kind of made things worse for us.

We come back and I mention something about spending time together and she basically blows it off as if she doesn't care.* We talk and she cries that she's lost not happy and doesn't know what she wants.* We aren't clicking, and even though she meant everything she's ever said she can't give anything for a relationship right now and she feels bad that I moved her and most of her hurt is feeling bad for me. I tell her how I feel and that I said I would always fight for us and that's what I will do but she said there's nothing to fight for right now.* She's not over that and can’t move forward with us. Granted I moved in, we wanted and fought for permanent, we joined accounts, and was doing everything as a married couple without the title.* We even prayed together that god would view us as married and keep that sacred bond and let us always fight and never give up despite anything that comes across.* I made a promise to the boys that I would never leave, and then her youngest looks at me while I'm packing and said Please don't go away.* I broke down, I want to fight but she doesn't want the pressures and can't see us as anything right now.

She tells me I treat her and make her feel like a princess, I show her attention, I do everything for her and I'm there as the backbone for the family.* She loves me, always will but doesn't know if we will ever be where we were. She said I deserve more than she was giving me, but instead of it seeming as a coping mech it's as if she really means that. I tell her and show her all the things she does for me and says that I couldn't do those things if it was a 1-way street. She still just can’t move forward with us and doesn't know what she wants.* I'm moving out, but haven't found a place yet.* I packed all my things and haven't been there except to check on my dog when she is at work during the day but she is still maintain contact with me.* She says things like I'm not throwing you out and you have time to find a place.* She said I was needy so I'm not going over there because I don't want her to feel like I'm needy.* She asks where I am and if I'm coming home tonight.* When I say no she asks where I'm staying and says I can stay there.* She said You're always welcome here! I'm so hurt because she said we aren't anything, there's nothing to fight for but she still seems to be interested in what I'm doing and still tells me she loves me.* Actually will just randomly say I love you to something I say.* She told me yesterday, you're right... It's not you... It's my fault! You're right that I'm depressed and I need help! She was seeing her dr for psych help over the divorce in Jan when we had issues.* She keeps saying I'll talk to you tomorrow.* I love her unconditionally and understand the tolls of a divorce, but I don't have kids so I don't know how much worse it can be.*

She said she needed space so I told her that despite me being able to stay there and always being welcome there, me being there clouds her mind and she can’t decide what she wants like that. She responded with I love you.* She is thankful when I say these things.* It's by far the hardest thing to do not to talk to her not to see how she is doing and not to hug, kiss, and tell her I love you as we always have.* Am I doing right?* Even though she said we aren't anything, despite her checking on me and telling me she loves me does it mean anything other than that.* If you have been the happiest ever, and truly meant that I was your soul mate wouldn't you want to fight for it and work with it?* I'm so lost, and it has destroyed me.* I broke down multiple times, at work and at church the other day what I was praying for was given and I broke down and the pastor and I talked for about an hour afterwards about it and he offers his advice.* I've turned it over to god, I'm hurt that she is hurt and that alone kills me seeing her confused, depressed, not knowing what she wants, and not happy in the moment.* She said she isn't in love with me anymore, doesn't know why but it was during xmas that she started losing it.* She thought I was manipulating her and even said I might have been trying to sub-consciously which I never have.* She was abused in her last relationship this way and I've seen things he has said since we've been together that shows me he is good at it and knows how to make her fall to her knees from it! It's so sad because it hurts her, it ultimately affects their precious children, and it's not healthy for us

If you called it quits, said it's not goodbye forever, but don't know if it will ever be anything would you still keep check on each other. Say I'll talk to you tomorrow.* Say the things you do, then agree with me and say it's all being depressed.* Would you still blatantly say I love you? I know there are things that I did that weren't good, like when he would call I would get aggravated or upset if there was much conversation between them.* But I wasn't that way until he started saying he would leave his current girlfriend for her just say the word.* Them talking didn't bother me until it clouded her memory, but yet I still understand that he needs to talk to his boys.* Granted he didn't call, come by to see them, or try to really be in their lives until I got in the picture.* I said if that's what it took for the boys to have their father in their lives then good! But I definitely took on the role of dad, and they look up to me as a dad just in the 4 months we lived together.* Last weekend she was with her parents at their mountain house.* I was supposed to work but after packing and then praying all night I woke up and it hit me that I had to tell her things. *I didn't go to listen to her or anything but I needed her to know that I do love her and I'm in love with her and I will fight for us and please don't give up.* Before I left she mentioned that she thought it was a desperate plea on my end to drive the way up there.* By no means was it, I just want her to know that I'm all in and supportive! She was happy when I got up there unexpectedly and not upset as I expected, but when I told her why I came she changed her view on me being there.* She fights getting emotional around me, the 1 time she did she was in my arms and saying she wanted me and knows it.* She will cry at work and to her parents about it because she is lost and doesn't know what to do but I want her to cry to me and let me be her rock.* Her family loves me but her dad said it screams desperation that I packed up and moved up her for a woman I barely know and I'm doing all the things I'm doing.* He said he knows I mean best, but it looks that way and can be misconstrued.* I told her that on the second day we met something that had her in tears because we talked about our views on marriage just by general talk and I said that two people leave all other things and become one unity and fight together through everything with god first in their lives.* Don't forget your life and important things, but outside of god you are the next most important things and you fight for each other.* You truly become a team and achieve all things together.* Well, when we said we were permanent that's exactly what I did and now I feel like it's scared her off in a sense.

*I feel like moving out is good because she needs that time to figure out what she needs. How often can I contact her? When I txt her yesterday she responded within 3-5 seconds despite being at work.* Seemed excited to hear from me! I know I have to follow my heart, but my heart tells me to fight for the best thing I've ever had but I know that can easily come off as needy/desperate which both have been mentioned now. Was I available too much, despite us both wanting it, despite my views of what a husband and father is supposed to do? Is this just a normal phase in divorce with kids? I did go through a phase like this where I wondered what it would be like if we were together, wished it would have worked, but I don't think I would think about leaving the best thing that ever happened to me for that which didn't work out. Do you think she is just overwhelmed from the cloudiness and feeling like she has to provide for her kids and a relationship is just too much to handle? What are your takes on this? She promises it’s not me, I believe she feels that way too.* I do believe there were things I did that made it worse like adding pressures and the clinginess after he started trying to come in the picture. Like I said, I have turned it over to god and I know he will provide for me and I'm praying for her health, saneness, clarity, and for his plan to prevail.* Likewise for me! I know if this door closes then he will open another door for me better, but I do think his plan was us though! I want to fight for her, us, our family, and future.* I really just want a I miss you! *Wow, do I love this woman!

[michelle23]

i think you need to have no contact, give her the space and time she needs and see if she comes back to you in a few months.

im sorry to say this but you may have been a rebound after her divorce. she prob feels like q failure coz her marriage ended and you could have been an escape from reality.

it may have all happened too fast or too soon after her divorce. maybe she is just not ready to move on

focus on yourself and try to heal. i hope she comes back to you but i dont want to give you false hope. the worst thing you can do now is be too available and dont beg her to come back.

dont blame yourself for any of this. its not your fault

[Thomas188]

I hate that because she had relationships before me. She filed for divorce 2years before we met. I'm her first serious though and she said she felt like he was out and I was in quick and she needs to know she can do it on her own. I want her to be happy ultimately though.

[pcmaster]

Its really ****t up. Too many people involved from past.

Looks like smarter would really take care about yourself and slowly detox from love.

But in reality I know how love feels like and I would drop on my knees and beg cause feeling that you could do something so simple about it but didnt is more killing than broken heart.