Being friendzoned. I'm in a tough situation.

[Josh New]

Okay so i like this girl, and she knows it. She knows its because she notices the sweet things i do for her. And she pretends that she doesn't know that i like her. One of my female friends told me that, she told her on the phone, "I don't want him to waste time on me"(exactly the same words). But, i don't think im wasting any of my time at all. I always message her everyday, and she replies back too. And, the girl that i like, has a best friend that she always talk to about almost anything. And, it just so happens that best friend hates me due to past events we had together. So, the point of this thread, is that i really want her to like me back. But, i'm guessing her best friend is kinda cock blocking me (saying **** about me).
So, i have a question, should i start ignoring the girl i like for a week or so? But wouldn't this make it so her best friend would say that " he doesn't love you truly, you should stop thinking about him. He's a jerk, that is what jerks do etc.."
And what can i do to make her like me without making it creepy for her?

I'm not an expert in relationships, but i need help!

[rob1984]

i see you double posted.. friendzoned you are done.. seriously. read david d'angelo

[Cerby]

i see you double posted.. friendzoned you are done.. seriously. read david d'angelo

He isn't zoned yet, but if he doesn't put his big boy pants on and ask her out, then he will be. Josh, your solution is to grow a pair, forget what her friend is doing, and go for it. Playing the games you plan on playing will get you nowhere.

[rob1984]

be cocky and confident and just do it.. go up to her and say.. I like you and I want to get to know you..Saturday we will go to this place... shows confidence in what you want, shows you are cocky and not screwing around.. or you can text her all day and hope she runs in to your arms...

[horsecrazy]

Alright, here's some thorough advice from a girl who knows a thing or two.

You're right; her friend could definitely be feeding her some BS about you. But think about it from her point of view; she might very well think she is protecting someone she cares about from someone she feels has wronged her in the past. In other words, she might not be cock-blocking you so much as she is trying to keep her friend from making a mistake that might end up hurting her later. That's not to say you're a mistake; that's just to say that her friend could very well think she is being reasonable, rather than just being a bitch for the sake of putting you down in front of her friend. Of course, I can't be sure about any of this, since I don't know you or your situation all too well.

But let me just say this; you are being a bit too passive. The last thing you want to do is ignore a girl. That will make her feel either very confused or very upset, and emotions like that will just end up causing her to feel as though you've lost interest in her completely. And once she gets over the initial "shock" of those feelings, she's going to simply move on if she doesn't like you back -- and seeing as you're in a position where you're uncertain of her exact feelings for you, that's not a good idea at this point in time. In fact, ignoring someone is never a good idea in my opinion; it just leads to hurt feelings, and honestly, I've always seen the "silent treatment" as quite juvenile.

The second to last thing you want to do is act cocky. Act confident, not cocky, arrogant, or self-centered. In other words, if a guy walked up to me and said, "You and me are going to do (whatever) on Saturday night. I'll pick you up (whenever,)" I could react in several ways, and none of them would be positive. I'd probably tell him he was a tool and walk away. However, if a guy approached me and said, "Hey, I think you're really cool, and I'd like to get to know you better. Would you like to do something sometime?" I'd be much more likely to respond positively.

You should talk to her in person and let her know exactly where you stand; that could be as simple as saying, "I really like you, and I think we should do something sometime," or "I'd really like to get to know you better. Would you like to go to (insert whatever you think she'd like to do)?" Word it however you feel's appropriate, but seriously, if you just act friendly and relaxed, that is in no way going to seem creepy at all. Just don't be pushy or overbearing. If she's a nice girl but she's not interested, you don't want to push her into something she's just not feeling; all that does is cause hurt feelings later on down the road.

Also, wise words here -- a girl's feelings are going to be relayed to her best friend. Seriously, a vast majority of us girls do tell our best friends everything, both good and bad. My best friend can catch on to how I'm feeling just by how I say "hi" to him. If she tells her best friend that you made her uncomfortable by being pushy, her best friend is going to go into "protective-mode" and you're going to be in a bad position. So, to avoid this, you should be open and honest with her, but at the same time, you should allow her to be just as open and honest as you. Because seriously, nobody likes it when their opinions are suppressed.

If she does say no, don't take it to heart. I'm going to say that most of the time, when someone "friendzones" another person, it was not their intent to hurt the person they turned down -- they were simply not interested, and it is perfectly acceptable and reasonable for them to feel that way. They have every right to feel that way. And when people complain about being friendzoned, the person who rejected them is suddenly the bad person. And that's BS -- they have the right to do what they want with their life, relationships included. If she's not into you, it's okay; she's just not into you. And who knows? She might be later, just not right now. Also, don't be a "try-hard" and really work to make her like you; be natural. If she feels attraction to you, then it's going to happen. If she doesn't, it's alright, and it's time to move on.

Don't put on a charade that you can't keep up. Be yourself, be honest, be open, and be prepared for her to either accept or decline your offer. Take rejection gracefully, and take acceptance with gratitude.

[Cerby]

Credit to the above poster for the detail and effort put into the reply.

[Josh New]

Thank you horsecrazy, that made me feel a bit better (: . I'll just be myself,haha. But another thing i want to add in, one of her friends also told me that she isn't really into guys right now because she is focused on school. I respect that, and i really want the best for her. So, should i just act normal?

Many thanks!

[horsecrazy]

Sorry for a late reply. You're welcome for the advice, but here's some more.

If she's focused on school, that's fine -- I know how that is. I'm in school myself, and there are times when I'm not sure if I'm looking for a relationship right now either. However, saying such things could mean a lot of things; she could quite honestly feel as though she's not in a suitable situation to take on a relationship, or she could have a self-esteem issue, and to cover up for her lack of self-confidence, she could be making excuses. Perhaps she doesn't even realize this. To put it simply, the possibilities here are endless, and a person's mind can be quite a mystery, even to the person whose mind is in question.

However, my advice to anyone in a situation like this is to act normal about things. You can still approach the topic, but don't be pressing about it; as always, be respectful. Give her the opportunity to think on things, and don't expect an immediate, satisfying answer. If she's focused on school, she could very well be weighing her options. From my personal experience, it can be difficult to mix things like studies and relationships -- however, if you were to bring this up with her, she might feel as though she's at a point where she can handle both. If she's interested in you. . . well, I have a feeling she might reconsider her stand on focusing only on school.

Either way, act normal; be respectful; allow her space and time to think. She will appreciate this in the end, particularly if something like exams are coming up soon. (That's when I really get to the point of shutting everything else out of my life, but such is the life of a college student.)

Again, sorry this post is late, but I think this advice is applicable to a lot of similar situations. While I give this advice, I also advise you to listen to what your gut says. Intuition is a funny thing; while logic doesn't always back it up, your gut sometimes has more of a direction than any advice anyone can give you. If she gives you signals that she's up for something more than just friendship, you should take your chance then. In other words, pay attention to her, and don't rush things. Things will come together in one way or another, so while you're doing what you can, just remember to be open, honest, and respectful.

Hope this helps a bit. c: