7 Year Relationship Help.

[LoveNHate]

She may just need time away from you to clear her head and time to miss you before realizing she loves you and wants it to work. She may also need a rebound with someone else to make her see that she still wants you. Or else she may be sure that its over and is not coming back.

The last thing you can do is ask her to go to relationship counselling to see if you and she can get back on track.

She does want it to work but she want her feelings to come back naturally she told me. Time away will probably allow this to happen? She isn't the person to do rebounds.. it takes a lot for her to actually enjoy and like someone.. Took me a very long time of chasing in order for it to start. At this time it's difficult to give her time away, but maybe the best way to do this is not to text her unless she texts me or call me?

Relationship counseling is something that's difficult as she's the person that feels it should come naturally, she'll feel like the counseling will be a temporary change so I'm not sure how to approach this.

At this moment I just want her feelings to come back and it's not something you can forced so I'm just taking it one day at a time. I feel like the only way her feelings will come back is if she actually will miss me so I guess I should do no contact until she contacts me?

[michelle23]

Well you need to move out asap then-start making plans to leave and go no contact. If you want any chance of getting her back-you need to give her space and time to miss you. It may not work but if you want any shot-thats all you can do.

[HeartIsAching]

Feelings and your abilities to communicate are two different things. If you need help learning how to communicate more effectively, it has nothing to do with your feelings - and I'd be willing to bet that if you learn to do that, your natural feelings for each other will come more easily. Fighting is due to a failure to communicate, and fighting brings up all kinds of negative emotions, which is never helpful to your relationship.

[LoveNHate]

I can't just move out as it's complicated.. I currently work and go to school in a different town than my parent's house. Working part time and can't afford rent on my own.. If I'm moving out i'm either going to live in my car or on the couch of a friend's house which isn't what I want to do because it's very inconsiderate. So i'm just bearing another month or two and then it'll happen.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

At this moment I just want her feelings to come back and it's not something you can forced so I'm just taking it one day at a time. I feel like the only way her feelings will come back is if she actually will miss me so I guess I should do no contact until she contacts me?

Cut her off. Tell her you love her and really want to be together, but you're not going to keep grasping at straws. She's moving out and breaking up with you. Tell her it's time to start moving on and she should only talk to you if she wants to get back together, nothing else. Avoid her when you're home. Nothing makes feelings come back like losing control over the situation(which she has completely right now), and seeing the other person move on, or try to move on. All you're doing right now is helping her get over you, which is going to take a lot after 7 years, so it is going to be a bumpy ride. A bumpy ride, that if handled like a sap, is going leave you heartbroken and empty handed.

[michelle23]

Can you not ask her to move out and move a flat mate in on a 6 month contract? That way if she changes her mind and decides to come back-the flat mate can move out. However, if she doesnt come back-you can ask the flat mate to stay for another 6 months.

[LoveNHate]

Feelings and your abilities to communicate are two different things. If you need help learning how to communicate more effectively, it has nothing to do with your feelings - and I'd be willing to bet that if you learn to do that, your natural feelings for each other will come more easily. Fighting is due to a failure to communicate, and fighting brings up all kinds of negative emotions, which is never helpful to your relationship.

That makes sense and thanks for keeping me assured that what is happening is somewhat a right path. I'm just trying to be happy and have fun around her, never being negative so that she can slowly get her feelings back. We're on a different path and it feels a lot better.. She talks to me every night before bed.. just conversing about anything really. I want to cuddle and do all that and she does allow me, she accepts and appreciates the kind gestures I do so she obviously is feeling a lot better but I think I shouldn't try to cuddle and let her make a move. At least that way I dont smother her and it'll allow her time to actually want me? Which can cause her to have feelings? Am i thinking about this wrong or is that acceptable? I myself never felt better.. I feel as if my school work is more perfect than ever, now only if I could get my love life back it'll lead to a better path.

[LoveNHate]

Can you not ask her to move out and move a flat mate in on a 6 month contract? That way if she changes her mind and decides to come back-the flat mate can move out. However, if she doesnt come back-you can ask the flat mate to stay for another 6 months.

We're living with a few roommates right now sharing a house. Everyone is moving out in 1-2 months so we're just finishing it off and clearing out the house.

[LoveNHate]

Cut her off. Tell her you love her and really want to be together, but you're not going to keep grasping at straws. She's moving out and breaking up with you. Tell her it's time to start moving on and she should only talk to you if she wants to get back together, nothing else. Avoid her when you're home. Nothing makes feelings come back like losing control over the situation(which she has completely right now), and seeing the other person move on, or try to move on. All you're doing right now is helping her get over you, which is going to take a lot after 7 years, so it is going to be a bumpy ride. A bumpy ride, that if handled like a sap, is going leave you heartbroken and empty handed.

Make sense, I was just going to enjoy these last few months and make the best of it and once the day comes that we move out I was going to cut contact. Avoiding her at home, what exactly? I don't wanna be cold and not talk to her if she talks to me. Usually i'll respond if she talks but other than that nothing too much. She's been wanting to do more and more activities with me lately, usually I'm at school then work after until night time and by the time I go home I just eat, shower, then get ready for bed. So there's not much contact going on except some chatting.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't chat anymore. Be icy. Treat it as the relationship is gone forever, because right now, it is. Tell her that living with her like this is too hard, and you would rather just start moving on than be stuck in limbo, so you would rather not speak to her. Tell her you need focus on fixing your issues that broke this relationship so you'll be better for your next one(mentioning this is key). Ask her nicely to respect that, and not speak to you unless she wants to try the relationship again. If she asks a pertinent question regarding who gets what possessions or whatever, answer it in as few words as possible, then go about your business. Start cooking meals for just yourself and don't offer any to her. This all serves two purposes. It gives her an opportunity to see what life without you is like and really miss you, and you're already ahead in the moving on game if it doesn't work out.

Also, how old are the two of you?

[LoveNHate]

Both of us are 25.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Been together 7 years, and you're 25. Definitely start treating it as if things are over for good. It might not be, but you should definitely prepare yourself. My above advice remains the same.

[LoveNHate]

I'm prepared.. but why do you say that? Still young is that why?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

This is the only relationship she's ever had, and she probably feels like she's missed out on a lot. I would not be at all surprised if she is using all this stuff as a cover for that, consciously or not, and just wants out. If she does want out, you can bet she won't be able to handle a clean break, and will want to be in contact with you to ease the pain. You seem like you're thinking pretty rationally, but don't let her suck you in. Stop sleeping in the same bed. Go out with your friends on the weekend and crash at their place if you can.

[LoveNHate]

I don't see her on weekends as I go back to my parent's so that's not a problem. Although what you say is correct she's very different from others but I'm not doubting if she feels like she missed out. In our relationship I never restricted her anyway.. if she wanted to have fun with her friends on a night out, go for it.. I never once questioned her because that's how much trust I had, she treated me the same way too. So missing out as experiencing her social life is not an issue, she's not a huge flirter either, she's flattered with compliments and is friendly but never sees it as flirting. She notices when guys come on to her but with the respect and love she has she always tells me about them and we laugh about it. I guess what i'm trying to say is that the reason she is breaking up with me is the real reason. She was never one to really hide things like that.