7 Year Relationship about to be over

[TNMan]

I've dated this girl for 7 years. We are in our mid-20's. About 3 months ago, I had a freak out that things were getting too serious and threatened a break up. I treated her horribly. After not talking or seeing each other for about a week, I came to my senses and apologized and told her this is what I wanted.

About a month ago, her uncle passed away suddenly. She lost her dad 4 years ago and lives with her grandparents. For about 2 weeks after, she acted fine, but then out of the blue, she started pushing me away blaming it on what I did to her 3 months ago, even though she fought like crazy for us to get back together.

For the last month, I'll admit I've been pushing way too hard when she's asked for space. One night we were out with friends and we got into it and I told her I bought her a ring. I was a little drunk, but realize it was a selfish thing to do, but I was desperate not to lose her. She told me I ruined any future proposal.

She's been distant and tell me I threw everything in her face 3 months ago and she is so mad she needs to take a break. We aren't calling it a break-up and she promises she isn't interested in anyone else.

So my questions, did I ruin this entire relationship? She is my best friend and the thought of not being with her makes me crazy. How should I proceed with this? Is she just mad and needs to take a step back and have me not putting pressure on her?

Thank you in advance for any help!

[ttylox]

What are you going to do with the ring now? Don't try to sell it on Craigslist - you'll just get a bunch of scammers trying to get you to ship it to Nigeria.

[TNMan]

I'm hanging onto it because it's a seven year realtionship and I love her and am not going to give up.

[ttylox]

She's upset and confused right now about other things (her family, I'm guessing) and taking it out on you and blaming the whole issue from 3 months ago because it's easier. Love her, hug her, be there for her and give her somewhere to turn when she's feeling nutso about life... it'll simmer down and she'll be thankful you were there.

Tuck the ring away and don't bring it out (or even bring it up) again until you are both healthy in your personal lives as well as in your relationship.

[TNMan]

She said she wanted to not speak for a week. I can be selfless enough to give her that. Heck, she deserves it. I'm not mentioning marriage for awhile. The only reason I bought the ring was because we had talked about it 2 weeks before the death.

She's worth waiting for and I'd honestly rather go through this now with her than try something new with someone else.

You don't think I've ruined any future proposal attempt?

[ttylox]

Nah, no way. I would have probably said the same thing she did though, that was kind of a jerkoff move to pull when you were drunk and you two are going through hard times. Just don't bring it up again at all until you're back on solid ground.

Give her the week. Give her the chance to sort her head out. And when the week is up, let her be the one to contact you... don't go blowin up her phone the minute it hits 12:01 next Sunday.

[TNMan]

It was a jerkoff move. I haven't tried to defend it at all to her. It was ridiculous and I just felt desperate.

[ttylox]

She is my best friend and the thought of not being with her makes me crazy.

When your week is up, tell her this. To her face.

[TNMan]

I'll do that. Thank you for your replies. I do think its just convenient to blame 3 months ago for how she's feeling because it's easy. I did come back and things were going great until the family situation.

[TNMan]

Do you think she'll come to her senses or say forget it. I know it's hard for you to say with the limited info I've given.

[ttylox]

Like you said, that is hard for me to say - I really have no idea. But from the info you provided it sounds like she's interested in maintaining a relationship with you - afterall, she's been doing it this far. I think this week apart will do you both good. And you know, if she does decide to call it quits in the end... then that is for the best. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't really want to be with you. Giving her the time and space to figure that out sucks because there is a chance she'll decide against you - but she needs to make a clear-headed decision for both your sakes.

Just let this happen and don't overthink things. Do yourself a favor though and DO NOT get drunk and weepy and call her.
It'll be a long week....

[TNMan]

That's true. This has been going on for a month and she hasn't called it quits. I just hope I didn't push to hard up to today. Maybe giving her this week will show her I'm more concerned about her and can put aside my worries about whether it will last.

I was concerned she met someone else, but she has promised she hasn't. And I feel if she had, I would know by now.

[TNMan]

It's just difficult for me because I don't have much patience when it comes to this stuff. It makes it harder also when she's been sketching out occasionally and I've caught her lying a couple of times about where she's been and who she's been with. But again, I think she's just acting out.

[ttylox]

Find a project or start a new book or something - anything to keep your mind off of her for a while. Don't let yourself sit around and think and rethink and overthink all day long - just occupy your time and it'll get easier every day.

[TNMan]

Low and behold I just heard from her. She sent me a text saying that all she ever wanted to do is marry me but I threw everything in her face three months ago when I wanted to take a step back due to my own stuff. She said she wanted this to get back where it was, but now isn't sure.

Is this bad, or do I just say that I understand why she's upset give her her space and say it's best we think this over for a week like we agreed to give us both a step back and allow our heads to clear?