I must have issues!

[Jalynn]

Well, I find myself in dilemmas alot. I just can't figure out if I'm the problem or is it the guys I meet.

First let me be honest, I don't admit this alot but to get a fair response, you need to know the whole story. I will shorten it.... Not alot of dating experience. Every guy I met in the past ended up being a boyfriend of 2-12 years. No casual dating, no 1 night stands, no dinner dates, just meet and then long term. My 12 yr relationship was abusive. More emotional then physical. He created an insecurity that is haunting me. He told me all guys will ever want from you is sex. Never thought that did anything but obviously it did because immediately going into meeting a guy, I'm already thinking it and worrying.

I work alot, raise my kids alone, their father never gets them for visits. So I have my kids 24/7. Meeting people was a challenge. I waited 2 years to start opening myself up to dating. Used an online dating site. I have only met 3 people in person from it. 1 after the first date I knew he was married or had a gf. He would text me days apart...it was weird, wrote him off right away. The 2nd one hurt me a bit. Took it slow, lots of phone calls for hours, met up with him, he was great, we ended up dating 3 months. Did seem to move fast but so did most of my other long term relationships. If it feels right I go with it. He was wonderful, lots of coffee dates, dinners, we spent about 3 nights a week together and talked every day, but once we had sex a week later he was gone. Why would he stick around 3 months, put so much time n effort into it just for sex? He was a good looking guy, he could get anyone! It wasn't like it was the one time and he was gone, it was like once that build up was gone, we did that on a regular for a week then one day he asked to see me that night but I never saw him again. That crushed me cuz it went from 0-100 quick and went 100-0 just as fast! So that stung.

Waited a bit, then met another guy online. This time I'm really on guard. He was laid back. Never any pressure, went on a few dates and hit it off pretty well. I went into it with no expectations because of what happened so this time I decided I am not going to look for long term. I'm just going to take things as they come and not put much thought into it. Whatever happens happens. Well as embarrassing as this is, people will judge and that's cool but we did end up hooking up. I am nit the type to carry on a no strings attached relationship and have made that clear to him however, I am quite sure that is what this is. I won't contact him, he always contacts me but I don't know why. He will send a good morning text, ask me through the day how's my day, what are you up to, send me quick little notes. Sometimes call randomly, but never to ask to see me, never to flirt really, I assumed after we had sex he was going to stop talking to me but he hasn't. I have asked him a couple times what he is looking for and he said he is looking to get to know me better. Sex was just part of that and brings people closer. Really? Still getting to know me after sex? It's BS but I just don't kno if I should just move on or keep ties to him open. We do get along great, he's like a best friend, I just don't know where this is going. He's not calling me in the middle of the night looking to hook up or only talking about sex. We talk like we did before sex. It's almost like it never happened. It's confusing. Let go or stick around and see what happens? I'm not gonna be hurt if he is gone, my feelings for him are there but not intense like the other guy. I hate dating lol

[freshlylit]

"No casual dating, no 1 night stands, no dinner dates, just meet and then long term."


This may be your problem, sometimes you have to accept that there is only one right person out there and you may have to meet many people before you find "the one".


As for men and only wanting sex.... This is very untrue, at least in my life. Don't get me wrong, sex is awesome, but about 99% of the time you are going to be together, you are going to be doing something other than sex. For me, its all about the little things, and sex is just the cherry on top. I honestly love to wait as long as I can handle before I sleep with someone for the first time. I really LOVE when the woman breaks first (females tend to be more into it when they make the decision).

I think you really need to explore some more options. Have some dinner dates, ask a lot of questions and be looking for the right answers. Don't attach yourself so quickly to the idea of a long-term relationship. ------------If it is meant to be, it will be.-------------