Best friend or boyfriend?

[skybeam29]

Hi there,

I know this question has been asked many times - I just felt I needed to ask real people for their opinions!

I have a boyfriend of 4 years - he is fantastic. We live together and I couldn't ask for more.

However, I also have a friend of 11 years, who is my closest male friend. Nothing romantic has ever happened between us, but we've always been very close and offered advice on relationships etc - he always comes to me for advice about where to take a new 'date' and equally when things go pear shaped. Both my family, and his family, and lots of friends make comments about why we haven't got together - or that they'd always thought we would! Recently, we were having a discussion about his 'type', we were out and quite drunk and with a group of about 20. He told me that out of everyone there, he'd choose me to sleep with - this completely threw me, as it was the last thing I expected him to say. Anyway, more recently, he told me that he had thought about asking me out on a date years ago, when we both lived close by, but that he thought it would be too complicated and that I would say no anyway.

The problem I have now, is that I keep wondering what if we should have gone on that date!? I don't know what to do - whether to spend some time with him and talk about this more openly or whether to ignore it. As I said, I have a great relationship... I just hate the thought of 'what if'?!

Any advice would be welcomed!

Thanks

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Geez you're an idiot. How old are you?

You should dump your boyfriend, then talk to your best friend about his feelings.

I hope you die of a freak disease before you can procreate.

[michelle23]

This is why men and women should not be bezzie mates. Ridiculous. Your boyfriend should be your best friend. When you and he became friends 11 years ago he wanted to get into your pants and thats the only reason you and he became friends in the first place.

I have no sympathy for you. You are being very unfair to your bf by even thinking this way.

[bearz]

If you couldn't ask for more and are so happy with your boyfriend, then why do you have these other thoughts? Looks to me as if you think you could do better and what you have isn't really that great. If there is something missing from your current relationship, try to fix it. But whatever you do, don't get involved with your old friend. Don't act on the feelings you are having right now. Distance yourself from him and focus on your relationship with your boyfriend.

[Valixy]

Every now and then there will be 'what ifs' in life because it's possible to meet other attractive people and feel a connection with them besides our partner. Those who really value their relationship and care about their emotional happiness will dismiss them.

[michelle23]

I hope u dont have to learn ur lesson the hard way OP. Stick with the devil you know-uf hes so "fantastic" and "you couldnt ask for more" why would you even consider trading him in.

Act in this and i guarantee you will go from the frying pan into the fire and you will **** up so bad and regret it big time. You mark my words.

Now that you no ur male friend has feelings for you or wants to have sex with you or both-the lines of friendship have been crossed so you need to cut alk contact with him and tell him you cant be friends anymore.

Then i recommend you stop looking over the fence at the "greener grass" and put all that time and effort into your relationship and focus on this fantastic man that you have loved and not doubted for four years!

[stormdrain]

This is why men and women should not be bezzie mates. Ridiculous. Your boyfriend should be your best friend. When you and he became friends 11 years ago he wanted to get into your pants and thats the only reason you and he became friends in the first place.

Haha, damn! You do have a way with words

OP, cyclical attraction to friends is a natural thing, but if you really love your boyfriend, you will banish those thoughts and focus on your relationship.

[sofaraway]

Dont go down this path of temptation. A what if means nothing so look at what you have with your boyfriend. You say hes fantastic so why risk what your saying is a good thing on a maybe? It might seem fun in the shortterm but your playing with fire and could be left with nothing.

[Wakeup]

Op: If he didn't have the ballzzz to outright ask you out then what makes you think he'll be man enough for you as a partner? How very, very disgusting of him to tell you any of this "I was gonna" bullshit when he knew you were in a relationship that you were enjoying. I would have called him out on his milquetoast ways and let him know how inappropriate it was for him to bring it out now.

Bloody girly-man.

[michelle23]

Ya thats my thoughts ^^ men like that are pathetic. Too much of a loser to ask you out so they become your best friend like some hollywood film in the hope that it will just happen magically-then they become friendzoned and miss their chance but still try to **** up your life when your half way up the alter. Im glad Ive more sense then to fall for that crap!

[skybeam29]

Hi all,

Thank you for your replies. Since posting the situation has become more complicated. My friend has explained that he's had feelings for be for almost 10 years - he has had various relationships but never really attached and he says that he ends up comparing them to me. He admitted to a mutual friend that he thought he was in love with me and we have spent a good few hours talking about it.

He is a really decent guy - I think he's been hoping there might be a right time to take me out but it hasn't happened as I've been in a relationship. This year everyone's talking about whether me and my bf will get married and its hit my friend. He doesn't expect anything but I am very confused.

Thank you

[Wakeup]

I'm just going to repeat my first response but I will add I don't think you should be with either BOY right now because you're too into wanting your cake and eating it too and that's no way to start a married life.

Op: If he didn't have the ballzzz to outright ask you out then what makes you think he'll be man enough for you as a partner? How very, very disgusting of him to tell you any of this "I was gonna" bullshit when he knew you were in a relationship that you were enjoying. I would have called him out on his milquetoast ways and let him know how inappropriate it was for him to bring it out now.

Bloody girly-man.

Telling you all this now when he sees how happy you were with your current boyfriend makes him a total asshole IMO.

Dump your current and don't talk to your 'friend' *rolls eyes* until you are no longer "confused." (I feel very sorry for your current boyfriend to have wanted to be with you when you were harboring feelings for a so called "friend."

[michelle23]

Lol that just proved my point. You were never just "friends" coz he always wanted more. Idiot!

I dont even care how this story pans out. Im getting really sick of these stories. *yawn*

i recommend you tell your so called "friend" to **** off outa ur life and focus all your energy on ur bf. The friend missed his chance coz he was too much of a loser to be honest from the start. Your real bf is 100 times more of a man

[skybeam29]

Hi there - it's not as black and white as that. I didn't realise I had feelings for him - I knew that everyone else thought we should get together, parents/friends and so on... but we have always been such good friends I just used to laugh it off and not think about it.

My boyfriend is a fantastic guy, but the point surely is does that make him the right guy? I absolutely thought he was - then this year I guess with people talking about weddings and stuff I started thinking 'how do you ever know?' and now with this revelation hitting me out of the blue I am torn in a million directions.

[Simpo]

In my opinion, If you have a great relationship with your boyfriend and love him what's the point in throwing that all away. We all have those "what if" moments but if you have something amazing, don't waste it on a "what if". You have a fantastic boyfriend who loves you and im assuming you still love him, enjoy what you have and don't dwell on the "what if's". Keep you best friend as a friend nothing more. Its great to have someone to go to and speak to about things outside the relationship and just because your friend is a guy shouldn't change anything.

Edit: didn't see the bit about the feelings for you. If I was in your position and a girl I would stick with your boyfriend and tell you friend that you don't feel the same way and that he should pursue other woman and relationships and forget about you since you are happy in your relationship. You may feel sorry for him but it was your boyfriend who won your heart and im afraid its tough love for your friend and he just has to deal with it. Its kind of like breaking up but tell him you still want to be friends but you need some time apart so that he can get over you but you can't help him get over you since he will just get more attached since you are there for him.