Have I been played? What to do now...?

[smackie9]

People would disagree. Dating is just dating and you cannot just assume they are not dating other people because they are sleeping with you. Sex is not commitment to everyone. If you really like this girl...do what Wakeup has suggested, ask to be exclusive. Or you can ask if she is dating other people. If she feeds you some bull s hit story then you just dodged a bullet.

[VerticalMoon]

You haven't known her long enough to know what her philosophy about sex and exclusivity would be. She said she doesn't like girls who mess around on guys. That doesn't mean she thinks she owes you anything just because you've slept together and gone out a few times. Until you talk to her about exclusivity, you can't assume anything. I think you should proceed cautiously though. She may just be interested in having fun with lots of different people.

[olb30]

thanks all.

I think there is a varied opinion on this.

At first I felt played, she had slept with me three times and agreed to a date and hasn't made any sign that she isn't interested.

But to be fair, I guess I have no right for it to be exclusive yet, despite it bugging me alot. I do really like her and she never mentioned anyone els.


I guess the other guy is in the same boat though!


I will go on this date with her and if she ain't interested in me the way I am in her, then that's me saying bye bye.

Like I said in my OP this whole dating thing, and seeing new people is really foreign concept to me. Dam it's not easy!

[Wakeup]

Thats interesting way how to describe cheating.

that made me lolzzz.

[surfhb2]

surfhb2, do you live in a box. (that was a rhetorical question)

Huh?! lol

[smackie9]

Actually surfhb2 lives in a tool shed, unfortunately one of the tools is toknow.

[basilandthyme]

Given that the OP is from Wales, I'm going to chime in with cultural differences.

The US posters (with the exception of toknow) have been talking about the need for a discussion on exclusivity. After all the time I've spent on various relationship boards, I've come to understand that in the US - one must not assume exclusivity. In your culture, it's OK to see multiple people until it's been discussed.

However, in other countries, such as the UK and Australia - this hasn't been the norm until recent years. Not that long ago, our cultures DID assume exclusivity if we were seeing each other. I could date a guy for two weeks only and there's no way that either of us would date or sleep with anyone else during that time. If we did, then under our cultural norms, we'd be cheating.

From my younger friends, I understand that the UK and Australia are following in the path of the US and people are now having exclusivity discussions and seeing multiple people during dating. However, as with any time of change, there will be people who haven't yet switched over to the new dating rules.

May I add, for all I know, many people in Wales may still be operating under the rule of assumed exclusivity.....and if this is the case, the OP is very right to be upset.

Just hoping for a bit more cultural sensitivity before telling someone that they've got it all wrong :-)

[michelle23]

OP-its not about what other people think is okay. its about what you think is acceptable. and your obviously not okay with her seeing other people after she slept with you.

i would run a mile from someone who was multiple dating. i would never trust them. thats me and i dont care how much the dating world changes or how it is with other people. i have my boundaries, my expecrtations and i no whts important to me.

you need to figure out whats important to you.

normally when relationships start this way-it leads to trust issues down the line. its not a healthy foundation for a solid relationship.

[basilandthyme]

i would run a mile from someone who was multiple dating. i would never trust them. thats me and i dont care how much the dating world changes or how it is with other people. i have my boundaries, my expecrtations and i no whts important to me.

I'm the same as you. I'd be likely to receive a conversation about exclusivity and reply with "I thought we already were exclusive"

[michelle23]

yup its the same where im from. i always find the us dating system so messed up. it dont happen often here. it is quite normal for most people to assume exclusivity from the start and people who dont are considered untrustworthy or players, attention whores-whatever you wana call them

[michelle23]

must spread rep before giving it to b&t. *hugs*

[HeartIsAching]

It's a little more complicated than that.

If you're just dating, it's just dating. If you're dating for a while and start sleeping together, it's assumed that you're exclusive, but best to check.

If you go on a date with someone and wind up in bed, it's usually just casual sex on at least one of the participant's side.

Best to just check.

[basilandthyme]

If you're just dating, it's just dating. If you're dating for a while and start sleeping together, it's assumed that you're exclusive, but best to check.

HIA, you've still got an American perspective ;-) Up until recently, even dating WAS exclusive for us. But I agree that in these days and with changing social rules, it is best to check.

[pcmaster]

At least marriage is still exclusive unlike other countries.

[michelle23]

ya i agree that if you have sex on the first date-your asking for trouble. rarely ever turns serious coz you dont trust each other. and your prob not on the same page.

its different if your friends for aehile first and both like each other and then have sex. at that stage you no each other and can make assumptions..

for me-my rule has always been-no sex unless i trust him and see it going somewhere. ive heard of people having a 5date rule and crap like that. i think thats weird to be honest. i dont have a time limit or a no. of date rule etc. its all about trust for me personally.

and if i dont trust him-its goodbye lol.