Have I been played? What to do now...?

[olb30]

Bit of background:

Broke up with my long term girlfriend, was in a mess for 2.5 months. Finally met a really nice girl who seemed interested in me.

Slept with her on the night we met, exchanged numbers ect and within a week slept again with one another.


She agreed to meet up for a drink / date and since then we have slept with one another Again (Well that was the plan but I spent all night looking after her as she was ill after drinking).

We were supposed to go for the date next week.

Through conversations we had she seemed like a girl who doesn't mess guys about and she has said she hates girls that do.


So today I was driving through town and who do I see but the girl walking down the street holding hands with another guy!


I am pretty pissed off. Thought this was too good to be true, finding a nice girl after being heart broken.

What should I make of this?

Do I confront her about it?

Does the other guy know what shes up to?


First time i've ever been in this situation.

[Wakeup]

No you have not been played: You've no commitment to one another and if you're going to do a one nighter that you want to turn into more then how about you talk to her about exclusivity. She's not played you in the least. You assumed things and when they didn't que up for you, your ego took a hit.

See if she'll see you again and if she will then talk to her about exclusivity. If she won't give it to you then chalk it up to a good lay, get yourself tested for any lingerers and then get out and find the next girl and stop calling this one if you don't like bing one of many... but remember the lesson this one taught you... You're single and uncommitted until you've discussed and both agreed that you're not.

[olb30]

Thanks for the reply.


I guess there is no commitment at all, I really like the girl and want things to turn into more.

But from the looks of it she is playing the other guy, which makes me a little more cautious of her.

[Wakeup]

You like that word "play" don't you. You don't know ANYTHING about this girl. You met her, you schtuuped her, you took her out and got her drunk and then you seen her with another guy. That is what you do know about her. Nothing more, nothing less so if you want to see if she wants more with you then ask her out and when you discover if you like her past what little you know then ask her to be exclusive with you. Or: Ask her out again and if she accepts then at the end of your date, ask her about exclusivity while you get to know one another, if she turns you down then don't bother with her anymore.

This is what happens when you take someone you don't even know to bed the first night. You're doing it with someone who might not be like yourself ~ someone who only dates one at a time.

Its your choice if you want to compete or not but at this point you have no say over how she "dates" or whom she dates. You have 100% control on what you'll accept and what you won't though. Assuming she's "playing" the other guy is just your ego talking to you again.

[olb30]

Yeah you are right.

I am totally new to all of this dating and seeing new people. I was in a relationship for 3 years so I guess I need to chill and not take things so seriously!

I'll still try and see her again. I have left some clothes at her house so I will have to meet her at some point then might talk to her about how she sees 'us'.

[Wakeup]

Awesome. Let us know how it goes. It's always nice to see follow-ups and Original posters continuing to use the site and contribute to other peoples situations.

Cheers.

[toknow]

You have been played that you ended up with a girl like that. Do you really want a girl who sleeps with you and holds hands with another guy the next day?

I disagree with people who say there is no commitment. It's implied that if someone is having sex with you, they aren't sleeping around, even if you don't care about anything else at least to make sure they won't give you something.
It's hygiene fail anyway you look at it. Morally it's wrong, too, but I'm not going to go into detail on that because if you jumped in bed on the first date, you wouldn't understand anyway - it's not a good thing to do to say the least. That's not usually how you start anything lasting.

[surfhb2]

You have been played that you ended up with a girl like that. Do you really want a girl who sleeps with you and holds hands with another guy the next day?

I disagree with people who say there is no commitment. It's implied that if someone is having sex with you, they aren't sleeping around, even if you don't care about anything else at least to make sure they won't give you something.
It's hygiene fail anyway you look at it. Morally it's wrong, too, but I'm not going to go into detail on that because if you jumped in bed on the first date, you wouldn't understand anyway - it's not a good thing to do to say the least. That's not usually how you start anything lasting.

Who f ucking died and made you God!?

There's nothing morally wrong with 2 people (yes 2 numb nuts) having sex and going there separate ways. Please keep your Victorian opinions to yourself

[Wakeup]

Do you really want a girl who sleeps with you and holds hands with another guy the next day?

That is the question that he needs to ask himself. If he doesn't then he shouldn't be fvcking women he just met without first asking them if they want to be his girlfriend. He wasn't played and I'd say the same thing to her if it was her writing here who had seen him holding another girls hand... for all we all know, they could have just been out on a date and he grabbed her hand and she didn't remove it.

Dating is about getting to know the other person well enough to decide if you want to continue on in a relationship with them. Not all people only date one person at a time and that is why He didn't get played but rather he did not look after his own best interests if he doesn't want someone that will date several until they find one they actually want to be with.

If anyone "played" anyone, he played himself by ignoring any personal boundaries he may have and went to bed with her before knowing or not if she is the type of person he is looking to be exclusive with.

Telling him he got played is making him a victim and won't teach him a thing about going after what he actually wants instead of experimenting and then crying about the outcome. We are responsible for our own emotional and sexual health. It's just folly to leave that up to the other person.

[HeartIsAching]

I disagree with people who say there is no commitment. It's implied that if someone is having sex with you, they aren't sleeping around, even if you don't care about anything else at least to make sure they won't give you something.

You're delusional.

[toknow]

surfhb2, do you live in a box. (that was a rhetorical question)

@ HIA...yawn.
You are the delusional one if you think you can diagnose me from two sentences.

[HeartIsAching]

surfhb2, do you live in a box. (that was a rhetorical question)

@ HIA...yawn.

You must be the delusional one if you think you can diagnose me from two sentences.

*pointing and laughing*

[smackie9]

i disagree with people who say there is no commitment. It's implied that if someone is having sex with you, they aren't sleeping around, even if you don't care about anything else at least to make sure they won't give you something.
It's hygiene fail anyway you look at it. Morally it's wrong, too, but i'm not going to go into detail on that because if you jumped in bed on the first date, you wouldn't understand anyway - it's not a good thing to do to say the least. That's not usually how you start anything lasting.

stfu........................

[michelle23]

i acually disagree with wakeup too. even though exclusivity was not discussed she did give him the impression that shes single and interested in him. OP you cannot trust her and your better off to walk away.

to avoid this happening again-get to know her before hopping into bed

[pcmaster]

It's hygiene fail anyway you look at it.

Thats interesting way how to describe cheating.