Hey everyone. I need some advise about what is going through my girlfriends head.
Here's my story.
Late 2010 I was diagnosed with a lumbar hernated disc. Because of the pain from this I have been limited to my exercise and ultimately gained weight. She has been understanding up to this point. Anyways our back ground.
I have been "seeing" her for almost 3 years. We started out as a long distance (met online) relationship. Four months ago I moved to live closer to her (we aren't living together yet because she's not ready to be living with a guy because her last relationship didn't end well). The first 2 months I had lots of free time as I was hunting for jobs so anytime she wanted to do something I was there ready to go, everything was going well and we were happy. I was hired last month at an overnight 40hours a week in NYC. Great job but this obviously interfered with times that we could hang out. I am no stranger to the overnight shift but I can not hang out with her as much now, so anytime I can make to be with her I do.
She really enjoys fitness classes and thought it would be fun if we did it together. So we looked at my scheduale and decided that Tuesday (my day off) would be a great day for us to go together. I have been really enjoying the Tuesday class because the instructor helps motify excerises for people that are injured like myself.
After a few classes on Tuesday, she wanted me to try a cardio class with her. I decided that I would give it a go. (Cardio has been my weakness because i have gotten so out of shape since my back injury) I barely made it through the class but felt like I was going to throw up (I know this is because I am out of shape). Anyways after the class she asked me how I thought the class was, I answered honestly and said that it was hard and I felt like throwing up but wanted to do it again when I was more in shape. At this point I thought she understood.
We decided recently to start training for a marathon. We have done a few days worth of training but had to skip a few do to weather. Yesterday we planned to train for the marathon and then take the excerises class. She wanted to train at 4:30 and the class would start at 5:45.
My normal time to get up is at 5, so I thought that the time would be ok and I would just lose an hour worth of sleep. I was wrong. I woke up 30mins late and didn't make it to her till 4:40 which left Us no time to train. I apologized and asked if we could do it after class. She was upset of course because she hates when things don't go as planned. I understood this and apologized.
When we got there I found out it was the same instructor as the cardio class who was teaching the regular non-cardio class. This instructor was extremely hard still and 75% through it I felt sick again, but pushed through it. At the end of the class she asked me again and I responded. I feel sick.
At this point she exploded on me and told me I was ruining the feel good feeling that she gets from doing the fitness class and never wanted me to come back again including our regular Tuesday class. She also insisted that we wouldn't work because I was lazy and she was tired of my back problem and that i don't want to get well. I've been trying for 2 years to strengthen my back and seeing many doctors who have said either I need to do yoga classes or similar ones (much like the class we have been doing)to help my back heal or I need surgery.
At this point she was so angry that she said she didn't want to do the marathon with me and that she just wanted me to take her home. I tried to get her to explain what was wrong and she Just got angrier until she got out of my car and said she would find her own way home and told me not to follow. I let her go because I knew she needed space. Shortly after she came back but was still upset. She went on to tell me she didn't want to force me to get better and I needed to do things on my own. I told her I was trying and that if I didn't want to get better I wouldn't be paying for doctors and doing the workouts and running with her. She was still upset and told me to do the marathon alone because she was going to drop out now. At this point I told her I was gonna stick to the plan and I wanted her to run with me (it was a lot of fun running with her) and invited her to go running right then as we had planned. She said no and told me to go by myself. I walked away feeling that she needed space.
I thought I would be thoughtful and jogged down to Starbucks and bought her her favorite coffee. Came back to the car and she was gone. Sent her a few texts asking her where she had gone with no response. (We use IPhones and at this point I knew she hadn't read the msg) anyways eventually she came back and had obviously been running. Snatched up her coffee and said let's go eat.
We ate in a tiny place where you were so close to the table next to you that private conversation was impossible. So there wasn't much we could say. We looked for icecream after but everything was closed and I had to be at work in hour. I dropped her off at home and asked for a hug but received a No. I apologized and even jokingly called myself a baboon. I got a few small talk texts from her before she fell asleep but nothing about the fight.
Sorry I wrote a book but didn't want to leave out details.
So I'm not sure why she doesnt under my back problem and why me being honest about how I felt after the class upset her to the point that she no longer wanted to be around me. Anyone out that that might have an idea?