My long sad love story

[Boisdevie]

I'd love to comment. But I don't have time to read all of that. I have important stuff to do like trim my toenails or rearrange my sock drawer. Can any kind soul sum it up for me in say, less than a gazillion words?

[Owly]

you really need to find the courage and strenght inside of you. you have to set your standards and expectations higher. your not in love with him-your addicted to him and you only stay out of fear that the pain will be greater without him than it is with him.

you think youll always love him, that youll never love anyone as much as you love him. that is not true. it will take about 6monts-2years to get over him completely and the time it takes to heal all depends on you and how you deal with it.

take a chance. seriously. when one door closes-another opens. you have to be selfish now and put you first.

Owly, if he hasn't realized by now how valuable you are, I doubt he will unless he has an epiphany. You deserve, much, much better. If you focus on love, it will find you.

Yea... and you know that horrible feeling you feel when he doesn't love you back in the same way, Owly? That's called one sided love and it's like a drug that will fk with your head (which it obviously already is).

What you feel when you are with him IS a beautiful thing. It is a wasted and painful beautiful thing when its not given back to you... as you have found out.

Just say straight to him how much you love him. Put it all out(I love you idiot ! etc.) and if you dont get that 1/3 response back then spit in his face and leave not looking back. Its been 5 years and not getting bettter. At one point you will have to burn bridges anyway. You are not just decreasing your selfesteem and ruining your future by being passive and staying with him. But also you are letting down everyone who cares for you and wants you to be happy.

Yes, you're right. It's messing with me to the point where I just can't keep bothering my friends or family with it. I just suffer alone now. They'll always be there for me to listen to my stories (but it's always the same!) "oh...he broke up with you again? What was it this time? We told you so! Leave that douche bag, it's your fault you can't move forward" It gets tiering even for me... But oh well, I believe they're right. Everyone, even people who don't know me, telling me the same thing over and over again gotta mean something! It's so clear to everyone. It's a shame I'm the only one who can't get it (or do it...!). Because I do understand this isn't living. Thank you all.

[Owly]

I'm sorry you're hurting. Five years is a long time to love someone. Especially when you're 20. That's a quarter of your life. Of course it's going to hurt and be upsetting. Give yourself some time to grieve and heal, but please move on. For your own sake.

Imagine yourself a few years from now. Imagine that you can look back and see him as your first love, but not your only love. Imagine that in that a few years, you'll have learned how to love yourself first. Imagine that you'll learn how you should be treated. And how you should treat others. And imagine that one day you'll realize that you've gone a day without thinking of him. And then it'll be a little bit longer. And one day he'll be a fond memory.

And one day you'll realize that you've got all the love you need inside of your heart.

And that love will burst out and attract someone loving and kind.

And your love will be reciprocated and healthy.

But it starts with loving yourself.

I hope you'll let go and begin to heal. I truly do.

Actually, I'm in love with him for 9 years now. It's even worse. I think knowing him was the worst thing that ever happened to me! I suffered before, during and after our 5 year relationship (that continues somehow). We're not boyfriend and girlfriend anymore, but he's still around. I'm pretty sure it won't take him much longer to leave for good, but oh well. Thank you for your words. I do appreciate it, and I agree. I have to let it go, somehow, and learn to love myself. Wish it was easy! I'm just a big baby afraid to suffer for love (as if I don't spend my life suffering anyway!). Oh well. Thank you

[pcmaster]

What do you mean you are not couple anymore? What keeps you both together then? Do you still have sex? How did you met him in first place 9 years ago?

[Owly]

You have demonstrated a lot of persistence and loyalty, in the face of being mistreated. First love's are usually the most intense and hardest to get over...but as you mature and experience life without him, you'll realize some of your feelings were fantasy. It'll also become easier for you to see reality: he was nasty, he used you and dumped you whenever convenient etc, knowing you were a loyal puppy and that he could simply click his fingers and have you running.

There's a difference between love and obsession - you display some of the latter qualities too. Your time together is all the proof you need that he's not the right guy for you. I commend you on your efforts; he'll have a very hard time finding someone as caring and loyal...you on the other hand, won't have a hard time finding a guy who is not only better, but a lot better.

You just need to deal with the obsessional thinking/behavior. Cut your ties. You tried for years. You've suffered. You've shown his unconditional love despite being treated like a door mat. You've cancelled on some of your opportunities to be with him. That's enough

Thank you for your words! It's true, I do have a lot of persistence, but for the wrong things! I shouldn't have started loving so soon in life. Sometimes I believe that he won't find someone that loves him as much as I do. But then I think, maybe he doesn't need that. Maybe no one does. I'm probably just too needy and obsessed... I need to love myself a little more and be more secure, confident. And believe I won't be able to reach that with him. And you're right, it is enough of suffering... I wish I had the guts to leave e stop this behavior! Maybe in a few years I'd be glad.

[michelle23]

i believe that when your ready you will see the light and end it i have faith in you and one day you will be happy.

[toknow]

...loves him as much as I do. But then I think, maybe he doesn't need that. Maybe no one does. I'm probably just too needy and obsessed...

I don't agree. How can you say no one would want such love. You have something exceptional, give it to the right person.

There is nothing wrong with being obsessed with love, only being obsessed with the wrong person. There is nothing subtle about love, it's extreme.
Love does not leave anyone needy...it gives fully.

[Owly]

What do you mean you are not couple anymore? What keeps you both together then? Do you still have sex? How did you met him in first place 9 years ago?

I met him at school, 9 years ago. And we lived near each other. I saw him every day and I developed a crazy crush on him. Later some friends of mine introduced me to him. And he knew I liked him right along. But he never cared, or loved me back. (I was 11/12 when I started liking him, and he's 3 years older than me - I was a "child"). It took me 3 years to finally get his interest. He started to like me when I was 15, and asked me to be his girlfriend. We were together for 5 years (a very complicated relationship in which I never understood if he liked me or not - sometimes he said he did and was sweet, others he broke up with me and said he didn't). And this was a constant cycle, with me always fighting to keep him by my side and trying to be a better girlfriend. And a few months ago, he broke up with me again. And this time I swore I wouldn't go chase him down. I let him go. But then we started talking as friends when my cousin died...and we started to hang out...have a couple of dates, and yes...sex, kisses etc. But he doesn't want to kiss me in public sometimes. It's weird because sometimes he'll be acting as a normal boyfriend (even in public), grabbing me and etc, and other times he refuses to hold my hand. I believe he's only sweet when there's the possibility of sex. So now we're...I don't know...friends with benefits... We went on a date two days ago, and I was very needy because I was feeling sad that he wouldn't hold my hand and refused to kiss me when I really just wanted to be near him. I felt unloved. But when I got home I told him I was sorry for my clingy behavior. And since that day, he gave up talking to me...like he got sick of me (and I think I understand why...)

[Owly]

I'd love to comment. But I don't have time to read all of that. I have important stuff to do like trim my toenails or rearrange my sock drawer. Can any kind soul sum it up for me in say, less than a gazillion words?

LOL! Okay, I appreciate that that you want to comment anyway. Ahah, It's really big because it's a 9 year sum...my "love story". I basically love this guy since I was 11/12, had A HUGE crush on him, he never cared. 3/4 years later, when I was 15, he started to like me, gained interest, and asked me to be his girlfriend. We were together for 5 years. 5 complicated years. He was always breaking up with me and almost cheated, etc etc. It was very sad. However, we did have some good times too. And I love him more than anything. I can't imagine myself with anyone else. He has been my one and only love for way too long, considering that I don't believe he loves me anymore, for a long time now He broke up with me for good (#8271263517728304848....lol) a few months ago, and now we're "friends with benefits" and he refuses to kiss me in public sometimes. And avoids me. Since our last date, on which I was very clingy, he stopped talking to me. And I believe he got sick of me. I'm around just to make time for him to find his "one". It makes me sad, because he's my "one". Oh well. That's basically it.

[toknow]

...We went on a date two days ago, and I was very needy because I was feeling sad that he wouldn't hold my hand and refused to kiss me when I really just wanted to be near him. I felt unloved. But when I got home I told him I was sorry for my clingy behavior.

Your "clingy behavior" is beautiful. How can anyone see wanting to hold your loved one's hand as asking too much.

[smackie9]

She's trying to let go, stop making this so hard for her. Toknow you are an ass wad.....

[pcmaster]

. And since that day, he gave up talking to me...like he got sick of me (and I think I understand why...)

So thats great you are not together anymore. Where is the problem than? Go out to nighlub with friends, talk to some guys, dance or just get drunk and forget the past !

[toknow]

smakie9, you need to repeat 5th grade reading. Nowhere did I encourage her staying with him.

Do you have ANY reading comprehension skills what so ever...lol. Utterly amusing.

[pcmaster]

Your "clingy behavior" is beautiful. How can anyone see wanting to hold your loved one's hand as asking too much.

Toknow how old are you seriously? Do you have agirlfriend? Your optimism makes me think that you never been heartbroken because of girl.

[smackie9]

Owly I think you need to give yourself a little credit....you are heading in the right direction. It seems the more you talk about this the more you realize you need to change. Yes this will take some time to adjust to this new chapter in your life. Change is good, change is healthy. Maybe you should do some reading. There is a ton of self help books that can help you along the way.