Best friend or boyfriend?

[TablesandChairs]

Here's a funny story: some years ago, one of my good friends lost a tonne of weight and completely changed her look. She looked amazing. Anyway, she was happy in her relationship and had the kind of boyfriend most girls would envy; kind, supporting, generous etc. Anyway, for the first time in her life, she started getting a lot of male attention. She wasn't used to it and it went to her head. She left her partner. Had a string of relationships with idiots. Her partner got married to someone who obviously realized his worth. She still regrets it 5 years later.

Try not to be dumb.

[skybeam29]

Hiya,

Yes, I know - that's why I don't want to rush into anything because I know I would be throwing a good thing away.

I guess I'm quite a romantic at heart, all these movie story love tales which I know really, aren't reality! But having read and been told all of these things that my friend feels, and has felt for so long, does make me wonder - does my boyfriend feel that passionate/can't live without her type love about me, the way my friend seems to? (Regardless of whether my friend is right for me, it just got me thinking about feelings). And I’m definitely not saying I don’t feel loved – I do, I think my boyfriend is extremely loving, but I wonder am I the ‘one’ for him as much as anything? When I think back to the beginning, I went travelling for 6 months and we used to do all of that romantic stuff, missed each other madly and told each other how we felt all of the time. But now, as time goes on clearly things change and I guess that’s normal. The thing is, I feel it might be useful to have some time to miss each other again, maybe a week or two apart – but I don’t want to suggest that in case he thinks I’m trying to end things. I might just be thinking there is something with my friend when actually it’s the flattery/excitement etc. that’s making me feel that way?

[michelle23]

Your missing the exciting feeling of infatuation-new love. What you have with your bf is much deeper than that

Ask him does he think you are "the one". If your looking for passion and excitement-have an affair with your bf. Role play, get a sex game, have fun and forget the friend

You probably just need to spice things up and have more romance.

[Wakeup]

Hiya,

Yes, I know - that's why I don't want to rush into anything because I know I would be throwing a good thing away.

I guess I'm quite a romantic at heart, all these movie story love tales which I know really, aren't reality! But having read and been told all of these things that my friend feels, and has felt for so long, does make me wonder - does my boyfriend feel that passionate/can't live without her type love about me, the way my friend seems to? (Regardless of whether my friend is right for me, it just got me thinking about feelings). And I’m definitely not saying I don’t feel loved – I do, I think my boyfriend is extremely loving, but I wonder am I the ‘one’ for him as much as anything? When I think back to the beginning, I went travelling for 6 months and we used to do all of that romantic stuff, missed each other madly and told each other how we felt all of the time. But now, as time goes on clearly things change and I guess that’s normal. The thing is, I feel it might be useful to have some time to miss each other again, maybe a week or two apart – but I don’t want to suggest that in case he thinks I’m trying to end things. I might just be thinking there is something with my friend when actually it’s the flattery/excitement etc. that’s making me feel that way?

Instead of suggesting a week or two apart why not suggest a romantic holiday away and re-stoke the new relationship energy that you appear to be missing. You've got 5 pages of this rhetoric. Either fix what you're in or dump him and see if the grass is greener. Keep in mind that that energy, no matter who you are with will diminish in time. It's up to the two of you to keep your relationship exciting and romantic. You're just as apathetic to your relationship by failing to help maintain your draw to one another as you say he's being to you so fix that by working on it, not running away and hoping doing nothing will fix it.

What else could continuing to talk about this accomplish, really?

I'll add that if you use your common sense, you'd distance yourself from your male friend NOT your boyfriend and see if your confusion ends. You're being extremely c***ty to your boyfriend by continuing to play and mull over whether or not your friend will fawn over you more then what you're currently getting from your partner.

[skybeam29]

Thanks - yes, we have actually booked a holiday away as we both thought that would help. It's not that I want to run away - I just want the chance to miss him again. We live together, and I think having a week or two apart may also help to stoke the fires again! I know it's awful that I'm still thinking what if with my friend, but I can't help that at the moment... but, I think you've mistaken my comment about how my friend feels about me compared to my boyfriend - it's not about who would fawn over me more, it's making sure we're all with the right people. What my friend said to me, irrespective of whether I want to be with him or not, made me realise that's how I should feel about my boyfriend and how he should feel about me - I'm not saying we don't, I love him very much, but it just made me scared that maybe we weren't each other's 'one'. that's why I want to work on things and do everything I can to figure out if we are or not...

[michelle23]

if theres nothing wrong-why try to fix it? You said your bf is great, your happy so why change that? Go on a holiday and stay away from your friend. See how you feel in a month or two. There is no such thing as "the one" just some thing made up by some idiot hollywood director-thats all.

[Wakeup]

And that's exactly why your male friend is a royal douche who I wouldn't even consider being with. You love your current partner and you had zero thoughts that he wasn't the right one until your so called "friend" *imposed his selfish thoughts on you. I told you way back on page one that he was a cowardly douche for waiting to tell you his so called f,feeeelings until after you were already in a decent and loving union. Stop doubting that your current partner isnt' this so called "the one" based on the selfish confession of someone you think you like even though his actions show he's just a douchy, douche.

Its so totally unfair to your bf the way you're going on. Have you even discussed any of your doubts with him or are you just going to one day say "pass the potatoes, oh by the way, I'm leaving you?"

Sorry to be so blunt but really, Sky. Get this resolved rather then continuing to just talk about it here (or anywhere else you may be venting). It's time, hon.

You'll be able to come to a conclusion if you stop all contact with a friend who has confessed feelings to you when you're already in a relationship. To continue on as you were prior to the confession is total disrespect to your current relationship and your bf.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

There is no 'one'. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.

[skybeam29]

Hi there,

Yes, of course my boyfriend knows my doubts - we have talked things through and that's also why we thought we'd book a holiday and start working on getting the 'spark' back. He's being amazing about it all and he is keen that we don't just gloss over the issues as they will only come back to bite later - it's make or break it point I guess!

In terms of my friend, yes we have agreed no contact - he needs time and I also need to concentrate on my relationship here. I know all of this sounds awful, but I can't help the way I am feeling - I am trying to focus on my boyfriend, our relationship but I think it will take time to shake what my friend said to me.

[stev123]

feel sorry for your boyfriend you sloot