Hurt and confused after she breaks things off with me suddenly

[Chris4984]

So I had been seeing this woman for about 6 months. She is older than me. I am 29 and she is 42 but I the age difference has never been an issue as she has always dated younger guys. We really hit it off and have a lot in common and have gotten along great. I really enjoy her company and I've never had feelings like this for someone in a long time. She gave up alcohol for health reasons a few years ago and also sticks to a very strict, gluten free diet. She is into all different kinds of alternative medicines as well. She never had a problem with me having a drink or two when I would take her out to dinner. I don't really drink that much but every now and then I enjoy a few drinks and a nice buzz, but I certainly don't have a problem. I have always respected her decision not to drink at all and alcohol was never an issue between us. I don't think there was one time in the six months I've been seeing her that I had more than 2 drinks in her presence. I've never been intoxicated in her presence.

We had a great time on Saturday night and she was telling me about how her coworkers think I'm such a great and nice guy and that she thinks I'm great as well. I felt very happy to have her in my life and every time I saw her I would like her even more. Sunday I attended a party for the first communion of a family member of mine. There was beer there so I had a few there and when I returned home my neighbor was having a Cinco De Mayo party and invited me over so I had a few drinks there. I was buzzed but certainly not drunk. She wanted to talk with me so she called me and I answered it and we had what seemed like a perfectly normal conversation. I was telling her how much my friends like her and how I was excited to see her again. She texts me several minutes after our conversation ends and asks me to call her.

I call her back and she tells me that I seemed totally different on the phone and that it made her feel uncomfortable. She was aware that I had a few drinks and I told her that sometimes I like to let loose and have a few and today happened to be one of those days...This is something she knew before. I told her. I was at a nice family function having a great time and then I was at a neighbors party enjoying friends and great weather. I had a few more beers than maybe I should have but nothing to make me obnoxious or "different" as she claims. She brought up the point that what if she wanted me to come over out of the blue some night and I had been drinking? She basically seemed upset because I was buzzed off of beer and she couldn't handle that I didn't seem like myself. .I tried to reason with her and tell her that alcohol is such an insignificant part of my life and that it has NEVER been an issue between us, because quite frankly, I could never have a drink ever again and been fine with it. It doesn't mean anything to me.

She said she didn't want to see me anymore and it just caught me by surprise because one second she is telling me how great I am and then the next she doesn't want to see me anymore because I was a little buzzed when we talked on the phone? I said that maybe she needs to find a guy that doesn't ever have a drink and she disagreed with that and said there is a whole continuum of alcohol use and she is very aware of what jives with her and I guess me having a few beers on a nice day doesn't jive with her.

I'm very hurt because I really cared about this person. I'm confused because I don't understand why she is breaking things off. I've been miserable this week and I am coming here to find some good advice and support. Am I crazy to think she is overreacting a bit? Am I crazy to think what I did Sunday wasn't that bad? Am I crazy to think that I can somehow salvage this? I'm just unsure of what to do. How can I convince her that alcohol never has to be an issue again? She has known me long enough and been around me enough to know I don't have any kind of problems with drinking and never had. I really want to reach out to her to let her know how much I miss her and that I hope she can find it in her heart to want to see me again. I have been nothing but a nice and sweet guy to her and now I just feel like crap. Should I contact her or just let it go? I didn't think it would be this hard...

[Makeme]

Hi Chris... What if it wasn't the alcohol she was offended by? What If it was because you didn't perhaps invite her to attend the parties with you?.. Just a thought....

[basilandthyme]

I have been nothing but a nice and sweet guy to her and now I just feel like crap

I'm wondering if you have been *too* nice and sweet. Thing is, a lot of people seem to confuse the term "nice" with "doormat". And you sound like you've been behaving like a doormat and this is not attractive to a girl.

When I was dating, I liked a guy who was nice - but he also needed to have the balls to stand up to me and say "no" if I was too demanding or selfish. Thing is, you're promising that alcohol will never be an issue again.....makes me wonder what else you've changed for her over the 6 months. If she can change you this easily, then she will have trouble respecting you.

Yes, be a thoughtful guy when in a relationship - but don't change who you are to keep a girl happy. Not only will you lose yourself, but she'll lose respect for you. And if being who you are causes a girl to breakup, then chalk it down to incompatibility. There are plenty of girls out there who will not only accept you liking to have a couple of drinks - but will also enjoy it with you.

I think you can do better.