January to June

[zenrock]

This post refers to January and June- two lovers of mine. June is current, while I no longer speak to January. However, as the post will reveal, January still haunts me even in my dreams.

For three years I oscillated back and forth between the two. When I was with June, I would crave January; with January, I would crave June. The two were completely different. January was scared of herself- scared of commitment, positive self-critique and intimacy. She begot within me the most abundant and detrimental trait of love a man can have, hope. I knew she had some feelings for me, but I also realize now that I was not the one for her at the time. If I was, the aforementioned problems she was wrestling with would have dissolved enough to produce an atmosphere where we could be in a relationship. However, they did not. C'est la vie, right. I felt connected to January. She is an old soul, as am I, and it made the conversation between our energies easy. I felt like she just understood me. There was passion, and romance- all things that are natural and needed for me.

What June lacked in mystique, relatable-ness and old-soul ora, she made up for with her foundational qualities. These qualities I have, hitherto, not yet received from a lover- friendship, loyalty, commitment, acceptance of me for me, communication. Not until June have I truly experienced these foundational qualities of which love is built upon. June is younger than January by 7years, 22 and 29. However, June's ora is much younger than January. It is comparable to a youthful woman. Me and her have half of the equation- the foundation. But there is no romance, no passion, no spark for me. For her, yes, she has all of that she says. But it is not natural for me. Her youthful ora makes it hard for me to be romantic. (Question 1) But could my old-soul tendencies be demanding more from her- a demand that she herself would have no idea how to fulfill? For instance, an adult's level of romance and passion is much more intricate than that of a teen due to experience, etc. So perhaps more passion and romance is not the answer I should be seeking, but either (1) accept it or (2) move on?

I have been back and forth between the two for three years. Ending up most of the time with June. However, Im controlling, unsettled, and sometimes unsatisfied when with her. I find I am not myself when with June. I find myself trying to shape her into what I want her to be, instead of relaxing, and accepting. (Question 2) Is the inability to accept and be content all the time immaturity on my part or a legit concern? There are times when I do find peace, but it does not last long.

June has what I need but perhaps not everything. However, I don't want to be caught in a search for what I 'want'. Your ego has a way of leading you in circles
on a superficial journey. The transparency my heart once had is no longer apparent today. I'm not sure of anything any more. My thoughts are so convoluted that my heart is now unsettled. I am searching for the truth to the anxiety and unhappiness that consumes me nowadays. Sometimes I feel supremely happy with June. Other times not so much. I do not know whether I should stay with June and curtail my need for a more earthy and old-soul ora, or leave her. (Question 3) Perhaps I need a love where the qualities of January are built upon the qualities June?


I suppose only I can answer that but a reply might lead me into the light.




--
The heart is an enigmatic road in the forest of your mind.
You learn much of yourself along the way.
However, it is a road paved with glass
that wear down the soles of your shoes with a smile.
--

[michelle23]

you have messed both of them around for long enough and they are two idiots to put up with you.

my advice is to let both of them go, get some counselling and work on yourself. focus on becoming an emotional mature, responsible human being who is not so selfish and all "me, me, me"

the problem is you. you will not be satisfied with either of these women. neither are the right one for you. your getting some needs met by june and some by january but neither fulfils you completely coz you are not compatable with either of them.

you also have a nasty habit of always thinking the grass is greener no matter how goid you have it. and you have never gotten over the first one which makes you emotional unavailable so the second one is sort of like a rebound.

hopping from one relationship to the next is unhealthy. you need time in between to heal emotionally, grieve the loss and get over her before being with someone else.

leave both these women alone. you deserve neither of them and you have issues that you need to work on so you should be alone for awhile until you figure out how to be in a healthy functional relationship.

i see people like you on the jeremy kyle show a lot. normally some insecure pot head who milks off social benefits and has two unattractive women fighting over him. im not saying thats you but thats what it reminds me of which is quite pathetic

[Am I crazy?]

Sounds like you need to find your "Junuary"

[TablesandChairs]

You've gone back and forth for three years; have you at any point considered this to be strange? If you haven't made up your mind by now, you never will. Perhaps neither January or June are right for you. Perhaps you should sever ties and try to find March.

[love101]

You expect both of them to hang around while you CHOOSE? Then you expect the one you choose to make your precious dreams come true?

What you need??? This is sick.

I hope both disappear on you. That way ''''''''you'''''''', the one who planned to break a heart, will be the one with a broken heart. Some men!

Both deserve better than you. You're a complete and utter hypocrite.

[WhatIsHappening]

I've seen males like you screw up time and time again. Unfortunately, you're already screwing up. What makes you think these women deserve to be your options? Come on, they deserve better than that. I bet January is the woman who loves you. That means that she won't be the one who waits for you to continue being cowardly. It's a painful act that a woman picks up on. Men look for a solid foundation, but they regret it when they realize that the love was never there to begin with. By the time they realize this, it's too late.

[michelle23]

You cannot give everything to one when you are still pining for another. You need to let them both go and grow up and learn how to treat a woman right. You are not a man, your a little boy. Grow a pair of balls and stop playing these games. It is not right or fair. They are two doormats. Some people amaze me. I would have told you to get lost 3 years ago.

[WhatIsHappening]

If a woman was deciding between you and another man, would you stick around? You need a shrink.

[Am I crazy?]

if either of these women were dating you in the same casual manner that you were dating them then you have done nothing wrong. You gave no indication that you were in committed relationships with either. Dating a variety of women is how you decide what type of person you want to be with permanently. You have now come to the point where you are ready to make that decision. Don't let the simple minded put you down.

[love101]

You don't date 2 people at once and I bet they have no idea about each other either. If one knows about the other and still sticks around that's when you KNOW that she doesn't love you. Because it doesn't hurt her! Men like you think they're superior to women, that the choice is all theirs. This June sounds a bit odd to still be dating you, obviously she's just looking for security, but I can see why January doesn't contact you.

You're a women hurter.

[michelle23]

if either of these women were dating you in the same casual manner that you were dating them then you have done nothing wrong. You gave no indication that you were in committed relationships with either. Dating a variety of women is how you decide what type of person you want to be with permanently. You have now come to the point where you are ready to make that decision. Don't let the simple minded put you down.

3 years hopping back and forth between the two is NOT casual. 3 weeks maybe. If it takes this long for him to make a decision-then he has issues. He likes having his cake and eating it and any woman who goes within a ten mile radius of his type is a complete idiot.

[love101]

Men look for a solid foundation, but they regret it when they realize that the love was never there to begin with. By the time they realize this, it's too late.

Looks like he's already too late, January's not contacting him.

[Kromat83]

zenrock

You need to take a break from dating anyone until you fix your mentality.
All you crave is attention, and make us normal people feel like shit.
You have decided within the 1st month, which is better for me, 2 dates each, that should have been plenty of time.

Almost seems like, if one of them isn't available, you go to the other.
This is why I hate how appearance decides who people like to approach them.

You played with both, and you seen will have neither, and wasted 3 years of your life, because you clearly don't know what you want.

I wouldn't be surprised if your in your early 20s, and are just a horny individual that likes to have sex.

What type of activities did you do with these girls, besides the bedroom ?

[Yanky]

I hate to have to add to the already spoken truths, but you are an insecure coward who is being played and taken advantage of by this horny, insecure June woman. Stop talking her up, she only feels sorry for you. She won't let go because she doesn't like the idea of you being happy with the woman that you are in love with. June doesn't love you, and I doubt that January does either, so man up and cut contact with both.

Honestly man, who cares about what you need! Love is the heart, not the head. Stop thinking with your penis and your brain, and start respecting women.