I slept with my brother, how can I save our relationship?

[Ileana]

The story is long and complicated and I don't know where should I start and how detailed should the text be. It's just it is full of my pain and I am so messed up, so it might look not so nicely put. Besides english is not my first language.
I'm 18, my brother is 22 and we are not blood related. I was adopted from Russia as a teenager, but legally we are siblings and were super close. We talked for hours, shared secrets and used to hang out together all the time, like best friends. He took care of me as no other guy ever did. We had lived as a family for a while, but then he moved to another city for college. There, he had a house of his own. When my parents went to France for their vacation, they decided it's best for me not to stay alone, but to live with my brother for those three weeks. I knew he was always in love with me, but I pretended I didn't know it, despite it being so obvious. It's just it would make a things a lot more complicated. Don't get me wrong, I love him SO MUCH, but that's different kind of love. He is really amazing, handsome, girls are going crazy over him and he was always there for me, but I still feel awkward about this situation. I promised myself I will never let him suffer or hold out hope or something, but there we go... when I was at his place I got a call from my russian orphanage. They said that my biological mother had died from overdose and that it happened a long time ago and they kept it a secret from me, because they didn't want me to get hurt. I was totally depressed and my brother had comforted me. We hugged, kissed, slept. I had boyfriends. But sex never felt so good with them, with something going on in my stomach. I am not sure about my feelings for my brother now. Maybe I want to try to date him to sort it out for myself, but it seems abnormal. We are not blood related, but lived together for a little less than 10 years and were coming through a lot of stuff together. It can't be forgotten, so I asked my school friend to host me until my parents are back and left his house without saying goodbye. Now I am scared to speak to him, to look at him and I am ignoring his calls. I want to save our relationship, but I don't know how. Please, help. I can't bring myself to pick up the phone, and that texts he is sending... God, I feel like screaming and so guilty.

[Am I crazy?]

Yup, that's messed up alright. I'm guessing that "feeling in your stomach" was an orgasm because you were really turned on by what was happening both mentally and physically. You have two choices, decide to be brother and sister or to lovers. Its technically not incest, but there are a lot of people who will look down on you. There will probably be quite a few people here bashing your bro, or whatever he is and accusing him of taking advantage of you and maybe he did but at any rate what's done is done and you need to decide how to go forward. He may have just wanted some hanky panky and may not want more from you.

This situation is only as messed up as you want it to be but Im sure you will figure it out. You are not blood related so its really not quite as creepy as you probably are feeling.

[Ann S]

Blood relationship or not, this, "brother," (I'd rather call him a viper) took advantage of you! At a time when you were very vulnerable from the information given you by your orphanage. Dating your, "brother," would be very abnormal, and anyway, something within you is telling you that this is NOT right! And, indeed, you have been a victim here. I hope you go to a rape crisis center and get some help - it's free. I applaud you for leaving his house and not communicating with him. You have some boundaries! How traumatic! Again, please get some counseling from an objective, credentialed, therapist to help you figure out what to do. This issue is much deeper than we can deal with on this Forum. Good Luck. Ann

[surfhb2]

^^^^. You need to check your attitude real f ucking quick Ann! God knows how many men have been accused of such a horrific crime by twats who think like you?

Anyway, She said she enjoyed this and realizes the mistake.

I say talk to the guy and understand your boundaries. If you guys are mature, you'll work it out

[Am I crazy?]

I just read this again. Something just does not add up and I think this might not be a real story. here is why: "when I was at his place I got a call from my russian orphanage. They said that my biological mother had died from overdose and that it happened a long time ago and they kept it a secret from me, because they didn't want me to get hurt." Ok, first of all how did they know you would be at your brothers? did they call you on your cell?, ok how did they get that number? and if you biological mother died a long time ago why did they decide to contact you now? Unless you were attempting to seek out your mother through the agency and gave them all the information then this story seems unbelievable and then even then if you were seeking her the whole part of them holding back to not hurt you is contradicting. I call BS on this story.

[searock]

I just read this again. Something just does not add up and I think this might not be a real story. here is why: "when I was at his place I got a call from my russian orphanage. They said that my biological mother had died from overdose and that it happened a long time ago and they kept it a secret from me, because they didn't want me to get hurt." Ok, first of all how did they know you would be at your brothers? did they call you on your cell?, ok how did they get that number? and if you biological mother died a long time ago why did they decide to contact you now? Unless you were attempting to seek out your mother through the agency and gave them all the information then this story seems unbelievable and then even then if you were seeking her the whole part of them holding back to not hurt you is contradicting. I call BS on this story.

I don't see a contradiction... I think they called her on her cell phone (so they didn't have to know that she was at her brother's). Maybe they only told her now about her mother because she is 18 now.

[YoungCosmo]

^^^^. You need to check your attitude real f ucking quick Ann! God knows how many men have been accused of such a horrific crime by twats who think like you?

Anyway, She said she enjoyed this and realizes the mistake.

I say talk to the guy and understand your boundaries. If you guys are mature, you'll work it out

...I actually agree with her. You're jumping the gun there, surf yet I am not surprised because you have a tendency to..

[Am I crazy?]

searock,

unless you are specifically requesting information and the parent that gave you up for adoption had signed waivers allowing information to be disclosed, adoption agencies don't just contact adoptees out of the blue to notify you when somebody has died. Maybe the OP was requesting the info, but then again the whole part of withholding the info for a long time seems fishy. Perhaps I am wrong but the story just does not seem right.

[Ileana]

searock,

unless you are specifically requesting information and the parent that gave you up for adoption had signed waivers allowing information to be disclosed, adoption agencies don't just contact adoptees out of the blue to notify you when somebody has died. Maybe the OP was requesting the info, but then again the whole part of withholding the info for a long time seems fishy. Perhaps I am wrong but the story just does not seem right.

I'd rather not to go back to whole that, but looks like you really want to know it.
When I learned I am getting adopted by american family, I promised my friends and the head of the orphanage to keep in touch with them and had send through email my new cell number, so we could talk from time to time. I asked them to help me to find my biological mother and contact me in case they do. I lost track of her sometime before I was adopted and when I left for the States I kept asking them if they had found something. I am from Moscow, so the city is huge and to find a person without professional help could take a very long time. I didn't want to address for it, because I was afraid it might get official and my adoptive parents could find out I was looking for her and might have thought I am not happy with them. I didn't want them to think that way, because I do love them.
At least a couple of years there were no news. And then my ex-roommate, Masha, had called me and said that they learned a long time ago that my mother was dead, but decided not to tell me, so I wouldn't get upset. The others were against it, but she finally thought I have a right to know. That's it.

Please, don't blame my brother. He is a great guy, who had proved to be loyal and lovin. We've been through a lot of stuff together, really, and he had never left me, though it's not the first time I am letting him down. It was all my fault and my initiative. I am the one who deserved to be blamed. I said I loved him and gave him a kiss on purpose, because I terribly needed someone that moment. It was more than a sex to me, it was a way not to feel lonely, so I lied. I did it, because I knew he was lovesick and wanted to believe I feel the same way. Guilt is killing me, but, please, don't judge me or him, not everyone knows what it is like to loose mum, even if she was the worst mother in the world. Just help me fix it.

[Wakeup]

First off. I don't believe when you consent to something that you can call it rape. Rape is when it's forced on you, you're drugged and it's forced on you, you say no and it's forced on you etc. but it certainly was not rape when it was volunteered... particularily when she made a point of telling us all how 'good' it was with her step sibling. People who have been raped normally don't confess things like that especially when no one asked.
Secondly, I'm with Am I Crazy on this one and am of the opinion that its all been fabricated.

[michelle23]

i agree that it was not rape and he didnt take advantage. sounds like he never had "brotherly feelings" and always wanted more. now you need to decide what you want. forget whats right and wrong or what others will think. what do you want?

[bcgirl]

Firstly, blood related or not. He is your brother. This siblings love affair can hurt many especially your parents who can feel so guilty and ashamed and perhaps responsible for allowing this to happen. It ain't fair to them that have taken you in with open arms. And what is this sibling love doesn't last? How awkward it can be at family gatherings for years to come...

[surfhb2]

...I actually agree with her. You're jumping the gun there, surf yet I am not surprised because you have a tendency to..

Read the OPs comments again Junior.

[YoungCosmo]

Read the OPs comments again Junior.

It's my fault. I should've edited my quote because the only part I gave shit about was your inane "^^^^. You need to check your attitude real f ucking quick Ann! God knows how many men have been accused of such a horrific crime by twats who think like you?" comment.

[surfhb2]

It's my fault. I should've edited my quote because the only part I gave shit about was your inane "^^^^. You need to check your attitude real f ucking quick Ann! God knows how many men have been accused of such a horrific crime by twats who think like you?" comment.

Per usual....you're not making any sense