How Do I Save My Relationship?

[SunnyOctopus]

My girlfriend first kissed me when she was 14. She turns 19 next month. Her mom has always disapproved of the idea of her having a boyfriend. She's always been somewhat distant, ignoring me, and telling my girlfriend that I just wanted her for sex, and things like that.

I was annoyed, but okay until about 10 days ago, when my girlfriend told her mom that we've been having sex, and her mom freaked out and started leaving threatening messages on my phone telling me that her husband would beat me up, and calling her daughter bad names, and telling her that she would kick her out if she didn't cut off all contact with me.

So, uh, we tried to negotiate with her parents, and I've tried calling them on the phone to talk to them, to try and make things better, but her mom just told me that she hates the way I talk, and that I eat weird, and that I looked stoned all the time, and that interacting with me is like getting kicked in the stomach by a donkey, and that she hates me and that I make her sick and that there's nothing I can do to make things better.

I told my girlfriend she could move in with me, and then she started hating me, because she said that I would leave if I loved her, and she said I was selfish and a jerk, and she said I was ruining her life, and that everything is my fault, and that things are hopeless. She kind of went back and forth after being extremely stressed about staying with me and having her parents hate me, or just leaving me, and yesterday, she blocked me on Facebook, and sent me a text saying that it was the last I'd ever hear from her. We were kissing and stuff just 20 minutes before that happened. She says she loves me, and that she wants me, but that she needs the approval of her parents.

How can I fix my relationship?

I'm not stoned all the time. I don't even drink caffeine. And I have fought ferociously against the drug usage of her daughter. And she pressures me into sex! She doesn't use drugs anymore.

I have told her best friends who haven known her parents for longer and who are liked by them to personally talk to them and vouch for me, and they said they would. I've suggested having a secret relationship. I even made this picture collage thing:

i.imgur.com/QQw1r.jpg

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Cut all contact with her for now. She may come back around, she may not, but you have to give her space now. No contact at all.

[pearlgrey]

She is confused. She is being tugged between the people she loves most in the world, it must be horrible for her.

Her parents are scared of losing their little girl and probably blame you for 'stealing' her innocence. They are also probably worried about her moving out to be with you, and losing her.

If I were you:

Tell her you understand that it is hard for her and you dont want to cause her grief by keeping in the painful tug-of-war situation, and for that reason you are giving her some space.

Write her parents a letter. Tell them that you are giving their daughter some space, because you love her and you can see that the conflict is causing her pain. Tell them that you are trying to understand their feelings and ask what their concerns are. Explain that you love and respect their daughter and have never, would never, take advantage of her; that you are willing to be the best boyfriend you can, and that you want to gain their trust.
Tell them simply that you do not take drugs (and dont even drink caffeine) and you don't agree with anyone taking drugs.
Say you are writing it in a letter so you have time to get the words right, and also to avoid any more conflict that is not nice for anyone involved

They should really respect you for taking the mature approach. If they still don't accept you and tell you to get lost, write again:

Tell them that you are sorry to be the cause of anxiety and bad blood, but that ultimately it is their daughter's decision who she dates. You love her and want to see her happy, and if that mean her choosing you over them, then so be it.

---

Letters really are a great way of communicating in situations like this. They show you are taking time to try and overcome the situation, and they avoid more arguments! The important thing is to try and reconcile by understanding that both of you want exactly the same thing: the best for their daughter. It's important they know that you want to understand why they are so angry and are willing to do things to gain their trust and respect and prove you are treating her right.

Lots of luck,
I really hope it all works out,

xxxxxx