Online dating....Advice Please :)

[redgusxrcrsvr1]

Hello!!

I met a guy online a couple weeks ago. We exchanged phone numbers and we were texting/emailing. Everything was going ok. I logged in when I got home from work and he had deleted his online profile. I let it go.

2 Weeks later (this past Tuesday) all the sudden an email pops up in my online from him under a new, slightly modified user name. Some things from his email "I lost my phone and had to delete my account, I created this new account just for you, been kinda down and out missing talking to you.... Of course I felt the same way and replied and we continued on talking/emailing (no texting since he lost his phone). I am taking a trip to Jamaica at the end of the year and I want him to go with me, he definitely wanted to go and we had been talking about the trip, places to stay, things to do etc.....

Fast forward it's Saturday (4 days later/holiday weekend) and we were planning to have a first date to go hiking, the conversation turns a little sexual, initiated by him, so we start talking about sex. I have no issues talking about it, but was surprised it came up so soon before we even met. He wanted me to go for a hike with him that night but I had to decline because my car needs a new battery and has some mechanical issues that I can't fix until my next paycheck. He has been telling me his uncle is a great mechanic, told me to definitely take my car to him when I'm ready. The next morning I noticed that his age changed back to his actual age, (he had to change his age to talk with me because of my settings) So I email him like usual and I get this message that due to his settings "you can't email this user", so I emailed him outside of the site. I have him on my favorites list and he is logging in and out (I can see that) and he has not deleted me from his favorites list at all.

Sunday is going by and no response at all, at the latest he always emailed me right back or within a day..... Sunday night I went to add him to my Facebook and he did not accept me as a friend yet, I get this message stating "sorry, page/link you are requesting is not available". (not sure if he blocked my friend request or?) I also noticed on his Facebook that a friend from Tennessee all of the sudden knocked on his door on Saturday and it was a big surprise/shock to see the friend...and he was happy about that.

We did have a date to go hiking from when we were talking 2 weeks ago, but he said his family is in town and busy now with family that day (Sunday).

Now it's Monday and no contact at all...

I am at a loss...I really like him and want to see him but just don't know how to proceed with this issue. I also really need a great mechanic but I don't want to burn that bridge either. Even if it works out where we could be friends I would really love that. He's cute, sweet, and we have had a lot of chemistry so far....now he's making me feel down and out and I am at a loss...spent the whole morning crying



Thank you for your help. What would you do?? I can't focus and can't concentrate... didn't sleep much last night either....ughhh!!
Christine

[smackie9]

Dear why have you invested your feelings with someone you haven't even met yet? You have only been emailing/messaging for two weeks and you spent the whole moring crying because he didn't respond to your message? Do you have self esteem isusses? You are acting like you are in a relationship with him already. Have you ever dated before? Christine.... like wow this is pretty desperate behaviour (sorry not trying to insult you), this isn't normal.

[smackie9]

BTW how old are you? and how old is he?

[smackie9]

You sound under age......not that you are....just saying.

[redgusxrcrsvr1]

Thank you, no worries

That is a good question, I guess honestly there is something about the way that he speaks to me, and the fact that he came back direct at me after he deleted his account. I liked everything about the way it was going, yes I did invest some feelings into it.
Self esteem issues, yes and no.
I was married, but have been divorced for the last 11 years. My ex hit and killed a young man when he was drunk walking on the freeway at 4;20 in the morning, and wrote me a note and left about 4 months after that accident. I had left my family/friends to move to Colorado and we just built a custom home, which was lost....

Had a few serious relationships in a 6 year period (spent 5 years working wayyy too much/full time school) but nothing has worked out for me long term like what I am seeking. I am honest on my profile on what I am looking for.
I am not a big dater, I have always felt that I should really focus on one person at a time, to be honest I have tried dating a few people consecutively but I always feel guilty and it's just too much to juggle with my work/schedule, it's just not my style. This time I put it out there that I would like to be friends for a while and I feel the best relationship would come out of a friendship.

I am 43 and he is 21.

[Kromat83]

he's not mature enough to handle someone like yourself, you have 20 decades more experience then him.
You would need him to help out financially a little at least, but he's still in school and do you want to be a mother figure to him ?

Consider what you are doing before jumping into this, it's still early, so don't go into it, unless your really sure this is what you want.

[Valixy]

redgusxrcrsvr1, there are a lot of indications that this guy doesn't really mean what he says to you when you do have a chance to chat to him. Someone really interested in you or who would simply like to know you better wouldn't act like this, don't you think?

Don't complicate your life hoping for a good economical mechanic, this guy isn't worth it. You don't need a kid to play with you and lie to you, but a nice man with real decent intentions. In only two weeks he's caused you doubts and sadness, what can the future hold? My advice is to forget about him completely, go no contact and don't look back. There are nice men of your age and level of maturity outhere, just be patient and optimistic and you'll find the right one for you. Good luck.

[smackie9]

He is just looking for some cougar action, hence the reason he asked so quickly about sex......he was feeling you out to see if you were one of those who seek out young men on the net. Now there are other things that are taking priority over you I think he might be blowing you off.

The reality of it is, he is 21, and 21 year old guys are not looking for friendship nor companionship...he is looking for sex.....it's a no brainer you are barking up the wrong tree here.

Valixy is right, what you are looking for will be found with men around your own age that are at the same point in their lives as yours.

[fearoflove]

Is it bad to actually find this kind of funny?
First of all, you are planning such a huge trip with a stranger, you met online? You don't know him and you are moving way to fast!
He is probably thinking you are a crazy/desperate chick.
He probably thought about possibly getting you out to have sex with you and then dispose you. But then his interest level became even lower after he lost respect for you because you didn't get turned off by his rude behaviour (for bringing sex up so early). He might pop up again sometime in the future if he gets lonely/horny and string you along again. If that happens, ignore him. Initial chemistry isn't that rare. You would most likely find a handful of guys you have good chemistry in the near future.

[redgusxrcrsvr1]

Wow, 20 decades ....that is 200 years omg!! I know what you mean here. My financial position is that my house is paid for, have 2 car payments and I plan to start traveling to some places that I want to go. That's it! I don't mind helping someone out financially, what I was looking at is finding a like minded person who would enjoy the same activities as I do. He has a lot of things with me in common. He is in school and guess what? so am I....we just are in 2 different fields, industries. But no...I would never consider financially supporting someone day to day OR being a "mother" figure. I am pretty clear in my profile that I am actively looking for a friend that will turn into a long term relationship. I even told him that he could have his own room, I don't go after younger guys, he emailed me first, deleted the profile, then reactivated it and pursued me again. I would never take any trips alone, so even a friend would be fine to go for the companionship aspect.

[redgusxrcrsvr1]

Yes, there are a lot of indications, but I don't want to do the wrong thing and jinx a good friendship either. I do have a few ex-boyfriends and we even are friends and regularly stay in touch. I don't know him very well and it seems so odd to be pursued with this ""Christine, I will always be a true friend. I can promise you that"., then nothing. I guess that I have to not trust people so much, and I am really trying to salvage, at the very least a friendship, which is why I am seeking advice. If the consensus is to go no contact, I can block and delete him on the dating website.....(he obviously knows how to re-create profiles) and I am thinking that maybe it's time that I do that.

The mechanic that I am looking for isn't an economical one (like I said I have money to pay for the repairs I need) but my car is a 1990 mazda rx7 convertible that I am restoring. They have rotary engines, parts are hard/sparse to find.
He said "How's the work going on it now? You still need a mechanic? My uncle XXXX XXXXXX owns (business name) out of Denver. He's got great credential & seriously like a rocket scientist plus excellent great customer service. That sucks you've kind of had a hard time with it, no worries. Sounds like it's been a project

I need a good mechanic that comes by trust/referral and I think I found it through this.

[redgusxrcrsvr1]

Hello fearoflove,

thank you!! ok... The trip that I am planning to Jamaica is after hurricane season in Nov/Dec /Jan.....months away not tomorrow. After knowing him for at least 6 months I would be ok with going on a trip, I don't think he would be a stranger to me by then. If I am moving way too fast, how do I slow it down and get this moving in a different way to where we are friends and talking again? No...I'm definitely not crazy/desperate, I get hundreds of emails a month, I block and delete a TON of people. I feel that I am looking for a like minded person as a friend that turns into a long term relationship. I would never allow myself to be used for sex then being disposed of, I go super slow, and consider that it has been 4 weeks of emailing/texting and we were going to go on our hike this weekend, so I have been emailing him and talking with him for a while besides him loosing his phone/deleting his profile, then reactivating it back the past few days. For me the chemistry isn't the hard part, I have lots of guys contact me, but I liked his attitude towards life and I felt that he cared about me to be there for me long term.

It's not bad you think it's funny no worries, it is what it is....
Thank you!

[redgusxrcrsvr1]

I really never felt like he was looking for the cougar action, most guys that do will not email/talk to you for 4 weeks before making a date with you and the entire time they get pretty vulgar....., they will usually go at it right away, and my reaction to that is that I delete/block them. If there is ever any indication of "sex talk" it's a sign to me that I am in for that ride and I don't want that. Thank you for your input, I really appreciate your time/opinions.

[smackie9]

Tip: never go by their words or promises, but by their actions.....words are too easy to use to manipulate people, especially someone whom you have never met before.

A lot of people get too emotionally involved with internet relationships, that's why I usually say 20% of it is reality and 80% fantasy. It's way too easy to get swept up into something that really isn't there. Yes there are creep-Os but they are easily spotted because they are blunt, but there are other predators that are a little more clever on how they take advantage of emotionally vulnerable people. The boards have been littered with stories such as this, and a lot of it is never positive so just proceed with a little caution that is all.

[fearoflove]

Hello fearoflove,

thank you!! ok... The trip that I am planning to Jamaica is after hurricane season in Nov/Dec /Jan.....months away not tomorrow. After knowing him for at least 6 months I would be ok with going on a trip, I don't think he would be a stranger to me by then. If I am moving way too fast, how do I slow it down and get this moving in a different way to where we are friends and talking again? No...I'm definitely not crazy/desperate, I get hundreds of emails a month, I block and delete a TON of people. I feel that I am looking for a like minded person as a friend that turns into a long term relationship. I would never allow myself to be used for sex then being disposed of, I go super slow, and consider that it has been 4 weeks of emailing/texting and we were going to go on our hike this weekend, so I have been emailing him and talking with him for a while besides him loosing his phone/deleting his profile, then reactivating it back the past few days. For me the chemistry isn't the hard part, I have lots of guys contact me, but I liked his attitude towards life and I felt that he cared about me to be there for me long term.

It's not bad you think it's funny no worries, it is what it is....
Thank you!

I still think you are moving too fast. Although you are planning a trip that happens months after you get to him, it still shows that you are already willing/desire to go on such a huge trip with a stranger. At this rate, he might be thinking he has already won you over (and so easily). At the beginning stage, you should always aim to create a sense of uncertainty for him and he has to win you over. His disappearing act can be that he is turned off by how fast you are charmed by him or it is just his natural disposition to be flaky or both. I say, don't hold onto hope of being his lover or friend again. And most certainly, don't go seeking him out because it only open yourself to being taken advantage of. Plenty of fish in the sea, right? Just for the next guy, don't be too eager too fast.

One thing I want to add that might help you out is to renew your online profile. Put new and improved pictures of you looking sexy (don't be slutty though because slutty pictures make girls look desperate). There is a difference. Updating your profile might possibly get his attention again. If he happens to browse the website again, he will see it. I would say forget about him (in your heart) and if he does contact you, don't give yourself to him so easily.