Am I crazy?

[Wakeup]

what WU said is true about you. you can lead a horse to water but cant make him drink.

Then stop trying to make him drink for christ sakes.

[michelle23]

thanks oberyn. i understand that people are different, different types of relationships etc.

i just think its wrong to risk 23years of marriage for a crush and i genuinly was trying to help but i wont waste my time anymore on this thread.

ill give advice to people who are less defensive. i dont think im always right and i dont expect everyone to take my advice but you could at least have the decency not to throw it in my face. i type an essay here, with well thought out constructive advice and all i get is bashed and put down like a dog by crazy

i may be young but that dont make me stupid

anyway peace out

[IndiReloaded]

Not meaning anything but my sincere impression of Crazy's marriage. I have a feeling that they both have cozy friends of the opposite sex. That's why neither of them are too bent out of shape about such friendships.

Being the Devils Advocate:

Crazy is not the first person in the world to become emotionally entangled with another woman and If she has her little crush same thing for women, not the only one in the world.

That scenerio does not necessarily mean that either of them will act on their attraction nor does it mean that it will cause them to break up. Some people appreciate what they have at home and don't distract from that something just because they are crushing on someone else. It's called taking care of your priorities.

Contrary to popular belief. He doesn't NEED to do anything just because that's what we'd do. Some people can manage to keep it all together without driving a wedge between the emotional connection with their SIGNIFICANT other.

In any event... time will tell what does or doesn't happen to his marriage.. In the meantime; you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

LOL, Wakeup. Come on woman, you are smarter than this. This guy is manipulating you into taking his side. Except he's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is.

This isn't a friendly agreed upon thing in his marriage. Don't you remember his original post? He actually sounds on the narcissist spectrum to me. They can be very clever, charming and manipulative. He's taken a dislike to Michelle b/c she threatens him. Why, who knows, but that's my read on this nutcase.

Here is my dilema. I think I have fallen for this woman. I cant get her out of my mind. Iook forward to when I know I am going to be seeing her and feel like a young and giddy high school kid when around her.

So, What the heck is a guy to do who has a great friendship at home but with no romance when he falls for a woman that could give him both?

Do I just resolve myself that I might just be a Romeo who has found his forbidden Juliet? Do I risk a good thing to take a chance on what could be? or stay with my best friend knowing that I have a good comfortable life with very little romance.

[IndiReloaded]

thanks oberyn. i understand that people are different, different types of relationships etc.

i just think its wrong to risk 23years of marriage for a crush and i genuinly was trying to help but i wont waste my time anymore on this thread.

ill give advice to people who are less defensive. i dont think im always right and i dont expect everyone to take my advice but you could at least have the decency not to throw it in my face. i type an essay here, with well thought out constructive advice and all i get is bashed and put down like a dog by crazy

i may be young but that dont make me stupid

anyway peace out

You are fine, Michelle. A beautiful, thoughtful young woman. You are entitled to your opinions, and they will change as your experience grows.

Go back and read my advice to him in the original thread. He never addressed mine or anyone's responses who were rational, non-inflammatory and didn't feed his beast. Like a turd, you gotta flush these ones and think no more.

[michelle23]

thanks indi. i still think most the advice he was given here is really good and i will refer the next guy whos having an EA here. this advice will benefit someone

[Wakeup]

LOL, Wakeup. Come on woman, you are smarter than this. This guy is manipulating you into taking his side. Except he's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is.

Oh, I'm not that easily manipulated. I don't take his side, Indie. No where in that post did I even imply that I agreed with what he was doing, only that he's entitled to work this out the way HE sees best and I'm certainly not on the side of those that are not giving up and keep insisting that they listen to what they happen to think is the only way out for him. I did say "he doesn't need to do anything just because we (we being how most women in here have tried to flog him with) do it that way. * I do understand and this was my point: there are people who don't follow society norm in their relationships and they are fine and are rocking hand in hand on their porch in their old age, just fine and dandy and happy until death do they part having gone through (as you say) a "this too will pass" moment. As Am I Crazy noted, he and I don't often agree but I'm non-narrow minded. I'm level headed enough to see that not all relationships fail because someone's happen to, and.. I've not tried to beat an opinion into him in the least.

Reading the insistance that he do what they think he should do is what's "lol" worthy.

[bcgirl]

I don't understand why this situation has to be so complicated. There are countless of posters who come on here tempted to cheat on their spouse and the thread seems to generate the same advice which is "don't do it". We seem to generally follow a formula which is cheating = betrayal = morally wrong = bad.
So, if you believe falling in love with another person outside your marriage is okay then why not opt for an open relationship so that the wife isn't misguided in anyway about the monogamy of the marriage and so both parties are on the same page? Get it all out in the open. Why risk confusion, drama, child support etc. and all those issues that have a higher probability of arising if you cheat because one party is misguided therefore feels betrayed or cheated on. Ppl have a better chance of forgiving the act of sex outside of marriage than they do the lying, misguiding and deception that goes along with cheating.

It is all about what is more important. The potential of the poster to have a more compatible relationship with someone for the rest of his life or his families stability in a "family" environment. And my advice is why not try to achieve both without cheating.

How would your wife react if she accidentally came across this forum and read your whole post? Do you think she may feel betrayed? If you had informed your wife about this OW and she read this post, do you think her reaction would be different?

[Wakeup]

For all we know, they could very well be in an open relationship. Just because he hasn't revealed his entire private life to this board, and since he's updated to say everything is going well on the home front, who the heck knows?. He'd certainly not reveal that to this forum...

[IndiReloaded]

They could be in an open relationship. Or it could be Will Harley himself on a bored day trolling our board.

The plural of speculation is not data, Wakeup. My posts at least are based *solely* on what the OP posted. And he doesn't respond to those rational points. That is data also.

[Wakeup]

Well, he's not listenening to any of it (or us) so *shrugs* I guess it doesn't matter to him what any of us have based our posts on.

He, in his opinion has it figured out. That's good enough for me to stop trying to make him drink.

[Starnique]

I agree with michelle in that emotional affairs ARE cheating, to me. I was in an emotional affair and it was totally cheating. Physical cheating can actually be a lot less destructive than emotional cheating.

If I found out my boyfriend was having an emotional affair with another woman (i.e. keeping in contact all the time, discussing intimate matters and feelings with her, smiling/brightening/reddening up when he receives a text from her, etc.), I would be devastated.

Emotional affair is way worst. You can **** someone and then not think twice about it but if there is an emotional connection and feelings get involved. The relationship a person has is just done. This is why any man of mine has no female friends.

[michelle23]

i think both are unforgivable. whether its just sex or love or both. both would really hurt me and i couldnt forgive

[kristenjersey7]

Great advice!