He had a baby with someone else and now he wants me back

[Sad and lost]

I started seeing my ex for the first time 10 years ago. I was 20
and he was 26. 4 years ago I told him I wanted a baby, his baby.
He told me no he didn't want to ever have kids, I made a choice I
wanted to start a family and we broke up. He started seeing someone else immediately, she looked just like me, but she was crazy. She bit him, threw things at him, scratched him, would call him names all sorts of things.

One night about 3 years ago there was pounding on my door, I knew it was him because we have a secret knock. I opened the door and he ran in, begging for help, she stopped taking her bc and was pregnant. My heart sunk, my baby was sitting there telling me someone else was having his child. 9 months later his daughter came, I stopped speaking to him. I couldn't listen to it anymore, he and the mom broke up. Over the next year we started talking again. He and his daughter came over a lot and still have been.

We still sleep together all the time if he has her she stays in the guest bedroom, the most painful thing toever happen was one night she knocked on my door to come In because she was scared we let her in and she fell asleep cuddled up with him, I cried myself to sleep and he held my hand.

We had a heart to heart one night, and he told me he wants me back. He loves me, but he doesn't want to be the father of my
children... I'm so mad at him and confused. I love his daughter she's
wonderful, but I am still heartbroken and really don't want to be a
stepmom. He told me he'll do anything to change my mind just not have
kids... Does anyone have any advice on what to do?

[vashti]

It's pretty obvious that if you don't want to be a stepmom, you need to end this. It isn't right for a child to become attached to someone who isn't going to be a permanent fixture, and you will always regret not having your own child. Do not waste any more of your youth on this man, or you will be condemning yourself to never having your own family.

And for the record, step parenting is 1000x more difficult than parenting your own children. Don't be lulled into a story-book fantasy of what it will likely be like to engage in this sort of familial relationship.

[Sad and lost]

It's pretty obvious that if you don't want to be a stepmom, you need to end this. It isn't right for a child to become attached to someone who isn't going to be a permanent fixture, and you will always regret not having your own child. Do not waste any more of your youth on this man, or you will be condemning yourself to never having your own family.

And for the record, step parenting is 1000x more difficult than parenting your own children. Don't be lulled into a story-book fantasy of what it will likely be like to engage in this sort of familial relationship.

The hard part is he let's her call me if there's a reason I'm not around. Then I get a tiny little voice on my voicemail, crying, and asking why I don't want her to come over anymore... If she did something wrong, and tells me she wants to sleep in "her bed" And she asks if we can still be best friends.

Her mom's no prize either, she never does her hair, so I do. Plus she likes it the way I do it anyway. She never puts lotion on her so he skin cracks. I put it on her and she gets so excited because it's MY lotion.

[basilandthyme]

Sad and lost, you've made a grave mistake by letting her stay at your house and get close to you. You'll hurt her terribly if you break up with your boyfriend and none of this hurt inflicted will be her fault.

As for your boyfriend, he should have kept close contact between you to a minimum until the two of you agreed on a future. And I don't even have the words to comment on him letting her phone you if you're not there. To be clear, as the father, he's far more to blame - but you are not totally blameless.

I have no answers for you, but I despair for this little girl who will be so hurt by two adults who are have only thought about their own needs.

[Sad and lost]

I know I messed up, I told him I didn't want her here for that reason and he told me she would be fine and never listened to me. My biggest fear is if she thinks this is her fault... She's such a sweetheart, I wish she was my daughter sometimes... the fact he would tell her I don't want her around rips me to shreds...

And he knows that.

[Wakeup]

The hard part is he let's her call me if there's a reason I'm not around. Then I get a tiny little voice on my voicemail, crying, and asking why I don't want her to come over anymore... If she did something wrong, and tells me she wants to sleep in "her bed" And she asks if we can still be best friends.

Her mom's no prize either, she never does her hair, so I do. Plus she likes it the way I do it anyway. She never puts lotion on her so he skin cracks. I put it on her and she gets so excited because it's MY lotion.

If you don't want to be a step mom then why are you being one? Stop being a fool and either accept what he IS offering you and be happy with that or leave him and this child who is bonding with you by going no contact and changing your number. You allow him into your life when he is not going to give you what you want. Whats wrong with you? This man sounds like a selfish asshole and you drink him in like he's the only man on the earth. Find a man who does not have children. If he's so adamant about not having children with you then ask him to have a vasectomy and then sit back and listen to the horse crap that he spews about why he shouldn't do that.

Funny how he had a kid with someone else, doesn't want you to have his child but he does expect you to care for her when you're all together. pfffft.

[bcgirl]

You need to break this whole fantasy upright now. U and him will not have a future because u both want totally different things. All u are doing is just allowing the inevitable to be much more painful. Everyday you are growing more and more attached to the ex and his daughter. Everyday they are becoming more and more attached to you. A child doesn't understand the way adults do. To her, it is black and white. And everyday that you grow a bond with her, the more it will hurt when one day you aren't there. You can't possibly think that seeing him and sleeping with him won't cause messiness. Stop contact with them and find a man who wants the same future goals as yourself

[Sad and lost]

I am sort of seeing someone else but he doesn't want to get mixed up in all this bs, especially since there's a baby involved... He knows my ex, and knows what kind of person he can be. I feel like such a horrible person.

[Wakeup]

Don't feel like a horrible person just pull up your pants, lose the loser and quit having sex with multiple men. (if that's what you mean by "seeing" someone). This is a totally dead-end relationship you are in and feeling sorry for yourself has no place in you taking control of your life and making it the best possible life for yourself. We only go around on this earth once so why are you wasting valuable mating time with a douche who will have kids with some one else but not with you? Love yourself enough to get him and his momma baby drama out of your life. You might tell him before you chuck him for good that him bringing women into his little girls life before he's made a commitment to them is very wrong and it will screw her up in no time flat... then block and delete this man that you've not given yourself a chance to get over because you keep taking him to your bed.

Do you understand?

[Sad and lost]

No we aren't sleeping together... We just go on dates. That's how it's going to be while I'm still dealing with this other guy. I do understand and I think I'm going to tell him I'm done.

I really just don't want to hurt his baby girl... Why did I think this wasn't going to hurt her? :[

[bcgirl]

No we aren't sleeping together... We just go on dates. That's how it's going to be while I'm still dealing with this other guy. I do understand and I think I'm going to tell him I'm done.

I really just don't want to hurt his baby girl... Why did I think this wasn't going to hurt her? :[

It doesn't make things any better that u are going on dates with your ex. You need to cut the bs ASAP before you've dug yourself in a hole so deep you are stuck

[MayM]

I think a lot of the opinions here are right. If you can't bear the thought of being a stepmom all your life since he doesn't want to have a baby with you, then better cut off the relationship, or else you'll suffer all your life.

[VincenzoG91]

Your ex is a horrible jerk for using a small child to shamelessly manipulate your emotions like this. Cut him out of your life ASAP and focus on somebody who might actually be willing to have kids with you some day.

[Wakeup]

This is a thread from Nov/12.

I wonder if she left him?

[Starnique]

Who knows? She seems a little off, like not too bright.