Affair with a Married Man

[pcmaster]

Well ofcourse its nice to be aproached and wanted, desired, used etc.

But in the end theres many more fish in the sea, you just have to go out and catch them. Just thought about that and coolest people I have seen were in church, liblary, offices, gym, swiming pool. The places where people ussualy takes care of their body and mind.

As Vince said relationship at workplace is lazy and causes problems.

[bcgirl]

Thanks for your replies. Harsh but all true. I know from the start that this has no future. I fell for him and I know it would not do me any good. I have to break this off. Easier to say but really hard to do but I have to. I just hope I have more courage to do this.

I remember when I tried to break this off he said he would not get in my way because he knows I have a brighter future ahead of me compared to him. But it just hurts.

Why did I end up like this in the first place? It's really hard



-B

You are still young and can be very vulnerable, you want to be the "nice" girl and don't want to ruin your reputation at work and the fact of telling off a man double your age is intimidating. But this is a life lesson. Embrace your feminism and stand up for yourself and all those women being cheated on by their men. Simply tell him that you don't think it's appropriate to see him anymore. He will try to say sweet nothing's and want to meet up. You then tell him you have copies of all the emails and phone conversations and will show his wife. Show him you aren't just some vulnerable, naive young girl that can be used. Married men usually prey for the vulnerable, it's no coincidence. If its not you, it would be some other girl that will fall for him.

[michelle23]

You dont need courage. You dont have to be nice to him. Just say no! Block him from your phone or any other way he can contact you and if he knocks on your door or turns up where you work-tell him you will contact his wife if he doesnt leave you alone!

[pcmaster]

If you had sex than tell him you are pregrant. That could be fun for a moment.

[smackie9]

I think just throwing the "I will tell your wife" card will be enough......that should make him realize there will be consequences for his actions.....the pregnancy one would be funny tho.

[bcgirl]

I think just throwing the "I will tell your wife" card will be enough......that should make him realize there will be consequences for his actions.....the pregnancy one would be funny tho.

The pregnancy one would be funny. Pull out the Glenn close in fatal attraction act

[blair]

I'm here again

I told myself that I should end things with him months ago but I could not. We were really drawn to each other. To those who would tell me that he was just eating his cake, using me for sex, etc., well you'rewrong. We did not have sex even once. We just enjoyed each other's company. But just this weekend I really called it quits. My conscience was killing me. Then I guess fate played around and so the wife discovered about us today. Well we already broke up but still remains a fact that we were involved. He contacted me on phone and told me everything. The wife let him choose. He told me he could not tell the wife that he chooses her because it's not what he feels. The way he talked I could feel he was ready to choose me and he was just waiting for me to give the signal. But just before he could tell this, I told him to choose her and always should be her. Now I do not know what to do. I'm scared. Please I need someone to talk to right now.

[michelle23]

Hes not your problem anymore. Tell him to piss off. What do you think would happen if he chose you? That you would sail off into the sunset together and live happily ever after? Dont allow yourself those silly daydreams. There is a 1% chance of an affair turning into a long term relationship. You will likely just be a rebound. hes using you as he doesnt have the balls to leave his wife on his own and he needs you for dutch courage but hell get bored of you soon enough as soon as the honeymoon period is over and he comes back down to earth. It will be a huge slap in the face for him and hell either want to run straight back to his wife or he will dump you for someone more on his level (older woman)

Your young, vulnerable, naive and have a lot to learn. Dont be his fool-you WILL get hurt

[Am I crazy?]

Op, come on get a grip. This guy may say he is choosing you but in the end you will always just be the mistress. this guy has no plans to leave his wife and I would not be surprised at all if his wife really has no clue and he is just telling you that she does to make you think he is some "Nobel" guy making a choice to be with you. If this guy really wants to be with you then tell him you will be more than happy to go on an official date with him when he can produce the documents proving he is legally divorced and he is living outside of the home. Do not settle for anything else. Maybe the guys marriage is in the crapper but his choice right now is whether or not to end the marriage, not which bed to sleep in. If he wants out you do not want to be the reason.

[Am I crazy?]

One last thing from the perspective of a 43 years old married man (that's me). This guy is more interested in the "idea" of being with you than he is with actually being with you. The reality is that should you end up together you will find out quickly that your age difference will be a bigger deal than you think. The reality is you are just in different stages of your lives and you will quickly find that you want different things. Also, unless this guy makes a ton of money you will be destined to supporting his butt while he pays alimony and child support and whatever debt and obligations he ends up with out of the divorce. You are young and in your 20's with your life ahead of you, why in the world would you want to carry around this guys baggage? Cut your losses while you can and get away from this guy.

[blair]

Is there a pill to forget everything? I'm really hurting right now. I don't want to break his family but I also do not want to be left alone. I cannot think straight. I want to talk to the wife to tell I'm sorry because I know I'm in the wrong but I also know it would not relieve any pain she's having. Things might get even worse if I do that. I know him. He's not the kind of man that will act without thinking clearly. And when I felt he really wanted to choose me, I got scared. Suddenly flashforward dawned upon me that we could be together then I got scared of the idea of having real out-of-the-closet relationship thus the reason why I blocked him off and told him to choose the wife.

[michelle23]

oh for gawds sake. you dont know him, you are bloody delusional and so is he. You are infatuated by each other-that is all and when that happens-it can make a person forget about all the things that really matter. It can make a loving husband or wife completely change over night and turn into a selfish asshole. That is what is happening to him right now-he has his head in the clouds enjoying this euphoric feeling that he likely has not experienced since he first met his wife-it feels like love coz it feels so nice but its NOT love-its infatuation and its only a matter of time before he comes back down to earth and realizes that he has f**ked his whole life up and he will blame you for that. Its easier to blame you than to blame himself.

What is wrong with guys your own age? Let me guess-they never pay any attention to you? Your insecure and have a fear you will always be alone and think this guy is your only option? Id rather be alone than settle for second best and this guy isnt second best-more like tenth!

Stop being a twat for f**ks sake. You are destroying a family. If he wants to throw everything he has away-let him at it but do not be involved in it. You will be the bad guy for the rest of your life. Your friends wont trust you anymore around their boyfriends or husbands, your name will be dragged through the dirt, you will be called a home recker, coleagues will whisper behind your back and they wont be saying nice things and if you so much as smile at a taken man again-it will put everyone edge saying "shes after him"

Its not just women who react this way-men do too. One of my bfs male colleagues is a cheat and all the boys at work do not trust him. The last time we had a work do they were all wary of him saying "he better stay away from my woman" etc

[blair]

I told him exactly what you said. That this might just be an infatuation but he told me "in my age do you think I still get to have infatuation?" He knows this is real. I love him not because I cannot get attention but honestly there are guys who pursue me it's just me not interested in them because of him. Sometimes i think why him? Why not just those available guys?

[Am I crazy?]

although Michelle is a little more animated and intense in her advice to you, I have to say she is dead on accurate. listen to her.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh good lord. He cheated on his wife... what makes you think he won't cheat on you when the time comes? Your pussy isn't magic, it won't *fix*his straying. Be prepared for it when you get your first wrinkle.