Affair with a Married Man

[blair]

I need help!

There's this trainingI had few months ago and on the last few weeks of it, I developed a close relationship with a supervisor from the other department. Well ever since I stepped foot on the company, I already had a crush on him. On my last week, we had been texting each other office hours and even off. Then he invited me to a "celebratory exit dinner". I agreed.

After the training days are over, we're still texting, calling and exchanging emails even more so than when I was still in the company. Things between us got clearer because he admitted he liked me.

One day, while on phone, we accidentally talked abut the wife. We were both silent and after it, I didn't communicate with him. After a day or so, I confronted him through phone. (One of our problems is distance. He's from north I'm from south. Few miles away.) I told him I couldn't do this anymore. He has a wife and kids and I don't want to ruin his family. After that, I stopped communicating with him but after a week he told me he's gonna visit me so that we could talk personally. I agreed thinking that this would be my opportunity to break things off. But the thing is, it turned out to be a date. Our 2nd date. In short my plan failed. Then after a few weeks, I tried to tell him again (for the 2nd time) to call us quits. I stopped communicating with him again.

Just days before, I had my graduation and he showed up. I'm surprised! (Btw, this time we already admitted to both of us, we're inlove with each other). My family didn't know about this and they didn't see him. He was just there far around the corner when I saw him. He gave me gifts which I really appreciated. I was afraid to tell my family because they would surely know he's married (though everytime we see each other he takes off the ring). He's in mid 40's and I'm on my early 20's.

Now, the problem is we're not really contacting each other (because of me again!) Then he told me he's gonna visit me to talk (again). The question is, should I go? For the last time? I mean, it's really hard to talk over the phone and online and I admit I miss him. I really do not know what to do now. He said his marriage isn't working anymore but I saw the pictures of him and his wife with flowers just recently. He said they're just pretense. It's just for the kids, etc. What should I do?

I know I'm gonna get prejudice and all the negative words but please I need sensible advices.

Thanks!


-B

[Valixy]

Ok, you have a crush on him, it happens, but you CAN decide if you're going to leave it like this, just another crush, or if you want to end up being heartbroken, ruining your reputation and chances to be happy again for a long time. This is what normally happens when a 20 years old girl starts going out with a 40 years old married man. She loses all perspective, becomes fixated on him, ends up being dumped, feeling miserable and incapable of getting closer to another guy for years. Not even therapy seems to help.

Not nice... You don't want this for yourself. You want to be happy, don't you? You want to have the chance of a real love sometime soon, I suppose. A love with no lies, no betrayal, where you are not the other woman, a love that you can be proud of and which can offer you the possibility to grow as a person, build a real relationship and not destroy who you are. There's no other way to be happy in love.

Make the good decision, stop seeing him, and stick to this and you will be a happy girl in the following years. Or you'll be trying hard to recover yourself from too many tears.

[HeartIsAching]

No, you should not see him one 'last' time. You should tell him no, and if he shows up anyhow, tell him that you're keeping a stalker log.

[Wakeup]

Why don't you phone up his wife and ask her what she thinks you should do, Blair?

[michelle23]

This is ridiculous. Your 20years old. Its time to grow up and act like an adult. You sound like a naive little girl. Grow a backbone and tell him to **** off outa your life and dont come back.

Imagine how youd feel if you were his wife in 20years time and he was doing this to you?
You sound intelligent, you no this is wrong and you need to follow your instincts and tell him straight to leave you the hell alone.

He wil use you up and then discard you like a dirty tissue. He doesnt care about you or his wife. Hes just telling you what you want to hear.

A married man asked me one day if id fancy "having some fun with him later" the look i gave him was enough for him to retreat with his tail between his legs. The disgust and disrespect was written all over my face and i enjoyed every second of his humiliation and rejection. Narcissistic bastard! Hes lucky i dont no who hus wife is.

You need to stop this silly game now. He will hurt you, his wife and his kids, you will be humiliated and nobody will ever trust you again and karma is a bitch.

[Ann S]

What kind of morals do you have to even contemplate this? And what about him? He is cheating on his wife if not physically, at least emotionally. Of course his marriage isn't working - you're in the middle of it! And what about the children? You are trying so hard to appear like you've taken the high ground here, but you're still talking with him. And re-read your post:; it's ALL ABOUT YOU! I don't know, maybe you two deserve each other because his wanting to be with you is, ALL ABOUT HIM! No thoughts from either of you about his family.
Have some respect for yourself, and wait for a nice guy who, hopefully, won't cheat on you with a 20 yo and ruin your family. Ann

[KeyKandiss13]

wow sound like me.

[bcgirl]

You are in your early 20's with your whole life ahead of you. Why the heck do you want to waste these good years on some middle age douchebag with a wife and kids. He is totally selfish and doesn't give a sh!t about your future and well being. If you were his daughter he would want you to stay far away from men like him. He is unhappy in his marriage, wants an escape and what more can he ask for but some 20 year old young pu$$y that he can mold however way he wants and go home to his wife and kids at the end of the day. You will end up coming back on this forum under a post "my bf will not leave him wife and I'm pregnant" if this continues. Meet a guy more so your age, have a Normal relationship. And if I was you, I would call up his wife and tell her how much of a douchebag her husband is, hang up and never speak to or of this guy again.

[smackie9]

Im not going to bash you because you are young and inexperienced with these things, hence the reason why you are here. You know this is wrong but at the same time your desire for him has you over whelmed which is understandable for an impressionable young woman. You are having a difficult time doing the right thing because he has such control over what is going on. You keep seeing him, not to end things but because you really want to keep seeing him....you are not kidding anyone here with your excuses. Enough with the crap, you know what to do and that is to delete his number, block his calls and emails. And before you sign off tell him that you have had enough of his manipulation and if he insists on bothering you any further you will be contacting his wife and revealing to her the messages, emails and all the other details of your emotional affair.

[basilandthyme]

"you must spread more reputation around before giving it to Smackie9 again"

[pcmaster]

If you want sensitive advice then good old saying - "Never **** with your boss" makes sense.

However if marriage isnt working why then hes still married? Dont you listen to words but look at the actions !
To who are hes coming back home every night. With who are he sleeping in same bed every night? With who are hes going out publicaly and posting pictures on facebook?

Im sure he loves your body, have no doubt about that. But not more. If he can pretend with his wife then pretending with someone he dont know for so long is even easier.

[michelle23]

Where is nicky? Please tell the OP your experience with an older married man. That will make you think twice OP.

[michelle23]

He has already shown you he is capable of lying to his wife so do not be naive and stupid enough to believe that he is gonna be honest with you. Of course hes gonna say all that crap about his marriage and his wife but its all a load of rubbish. Hes just trying to justify his own bad behavior. Tell him if hes unhappy to leave his wife and stop messing around with other women until then.

There is no excuse for what he is doing and you need to tell him to leave you alone.

[blair]

Thanks for your replies. Harsh but all true. I know from the start that this has no future. I fell for him and I know it would not do me any good. I have to break this off. Easier to say but really hard to do but I have to. I just hope I have more courage to do this.

I remember when I tried to break this off he said he would not get in my way because he knows I have a brighter future ahead of me compared to him. But it just hurts.

Why did I end up like this in the first place? It's really hard



-B

[Wakeup]

Why did I end up like this in the first place? It's really hard



-B

Because you didn't have a personal boundary in place that would have guided you away from his inappropriate behaviour. When you know that hanging out one-on-one with a married man (especially one you find attractive) is inappropriate behaviour then you don't do it and you're never tempted by the bullshit that comes out of their mouths. PERIOD.

Stay away from date like activities with men who should be with their wives/girlfriends. Next married/committed guy that shows you interest and asks you on a date like activitiy, ask him to invite his wife/gf along and you'd consider the friendship... better still, tell him to **** off. (you can use your own words, of course)

You were your own worse enemy. You've learned a lesson though (hopefully) so your pain is not totally for naught.