Affair with a Married Man

[Am I crazy?]

op, the dude is reciting every line out of the super secret "how to get laid" book.

[blair]

I know what you all are saying are true and Believe me when I say I'm trying really hard to put all them into actions. Thank you for helping me. It's just that in the past one hello from him would have changed my mind.

[michelle23]

you can become infatuated at any age. it is how every relationship begins. hes an idiot just telling you what you want to hear. anyway ive given you all the advice i can and so have others here. its up to you what you do with it

just remember if he will cheat with you-he will cheat on you and usually how you get him is how you lose him. be a smart girl. good luck

[Valixy]

You were having a hard time when you first posted this two months and a half ago. Now it's even more painful and difficult for you to deal with this situation. Continue and you'll totally lose control over your feelings and you will be so hurt that you can't even imagine.

I think you've made the right decision to cut off contact with him and in the last possible moment, now stick to it. For your own good. It might not be easy to forget him now but it sure is easier than when you'll be completely heartbroken.

You just can't build your happiness by breaking someone else's heart or sooner or later there will be an equal price to pay. The lack of control and selfishness that hide beneath the love you two claim to have require some serious education from life, and life never fails to teach the right lesson.

[TablesandChairs]

OP, when you had a feeling he was ready to 'choose' you, maybe you were right in a way - but there's a big difference between hastily making a choice and following through with it.

You don't know whether he'll get cold feet, whether eventually he'll realize he made a mistake and that the two of you, though in love, are not compatible long-term. He might miss his wife, his kids, his home, his life...by that stage, things will have become more complicated and unlike him, you have nowhere to 'run' back to. You don't ever want to feel responsible for ruining someone's marriage/family.

His marriage may have hit a rough patch but then, they often do; people are stuck in the routine of life, looking after kids, paying the bills...of course you seemed like a breath of fresh air; young, uncomplicated and fun to be around, which his wife probably was when he met her.

You've made the right choice; I know it's easy to think you're the exception to the rule but chances are, you're not. Every 'mistress' secretly thinks (or hopes) this will be the case. It'll suck for a while but then it gets better and you'll be fine and ready to start dating people whose baggage doesn't weigh 4000 pounds.

[VincenzoG91]

And when I felt he really wanted to choose me, I got scared. Suddenly flashforward dawned upon me that we could be together then I got scared of the idea of having real out-of-the-closet relationship thus the reason why I blocked him off and told him to choose the wife.

That's an interesting reaction, and you should give that some more thought. The idea of actually having a normal relationship with him someday doesn't actually appeal to you. Think about that. It means that you are in this relationship with him for all the wrong reasons. Maybe it's the thrill of the forbidden. Maybe you are afraid of having a normal relationship and cling to this bad situation out of fear of success. Maybe you are just ashamed at the kinds of reactions you would get from friends, family and co-workers if you were seen in a relationship with such an older guy.

[HeartIsAching]

Great post, Vincenzo.

[Am I crazy?]

OP, another thought. If his marriage was in such bad shape, why had he already not left before he met you? do you think he would even be considering leaving his wife had he not me t you? I can tell you with near certainty that this guys marriage is not as bad as he claims and if it is and he really is thinking of leaving (I doubt it) those are all the wrong reasons. You leave because a relationship is unhealthy, not for another woman. I have a feeling if you start asking around work you will find out two things that will confirm the same thing. One, you will find out he has had other work mistresses, or two, people will not want to talk about it but wont deny it either and that is pretty much a confirmation to. This guy just wants to lay some pipe in a 20 something girl for bragging rights. My guess is as soon as you spread your legs, he will spread his wings and fly onto the next prize.

Seriously, this dude sounds like he is using every play in the book. Don't fall for it.

[Wakeup]

This thread is from April and "Blair" the opening poster hasn't been back since.

[michelle23]

she has been online today. pages 2 and 3

[Wakeup]

Whoops, my bad. *wavezz to Blair*

[blair]

Last night I texted him asking how he is and if there's anything I could do to help. But I did not receive any response until now so I guess he's already burning the bridge between us. Maybe that's his wife's condition for them to get back together. I don't know. I'm just thinking the worst possible scenario.

I admit. I'm terrified of the idea of being in a real relationship with him. The prejudice I would get from family and friends. I'm not ready for all those. I love him but I don't know if I can fight for this love. I'll be forever grateful to all of you for 'slapping' me in the face with all the truths.

[michelle23]

You dont "love" him. Catch a grip. You have only known him a few months AND you only know one side of him-the side he wants you to see. Why would you want to be second best to anyone? No matter what he says about his wife to you-he married her, she is the mother of his children and she will always come first. I hope she kicks him out and the pig regrets it for the rest of his life.

Your just a fling, you mean nothing to him. I know a married man who has 3 children. They had been together for 15 years. He had an affair at work with a girl ten years younger, his wife found out, kicked him out and then he blamed the other bi**h for everything and all he has done for the past 6 months is BEG his wife to take him back. He f**ked up his whole life and hes suicidal.

And his wife is a lovely person, absolutely beautiful inside and out and deserves so much better than him and she will get better than him but he will be left on his own, miserable, never able to get over the family that he threw down the toilet