Sex doesnt do much for me

[Cat67]

I've been with my boyfriend about a year and we see each other two or three times a week. We usually have sex every time we meet up but I find it doesn't do anything for me and is very often uncomfortable. We are both inexperienced despite our age, I don't think I've ever orgasmed with him, stimulating the clitoris has no effect apart from feeling uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Any helpful ideas? Any books that would be useful to read?

[michelle23]

Have you had an orgasm on your own without him? If not, you need to figure out how to do that first and then teach him how to do it.

You should stop having sex and go back to basics. The reason it is uncomfortable is because you are not getting enough foreplay and you are not wet enough, he needs to really turn you on or make you orgasm before sex.

You could try just touching each other for awhile. Get him to learn how to make you cum with his hand-then move onto oral. You can find loads of tips online. Just type it into google.

You need to communicate better with him. A year in and sex is still bad. That is not good. You should have figured this out 10 months ago. but its not too late now

if stimulating the clit hurts then he needs to be more gentle and also ask him not to touch it directly. Work with the skin around it as it gets sensitive

[Cat67]

Thanks for your reply. I should clarify what I mean by uncomfortable. Its not lack of lubrication, I'm fine either naturally or sometimes we use lube. Its just the positions, my back starts hurting or my stomach when he has to lie on me, when his arms get too achey.

Last evening he did lots of oral on me and used his finger, it felt nice at times but that's about all. He is very considerate and wants me to have a good time.

I've had what I suppose are orgasms when I'm on my own but they don't involve touching the clitoris, it feels like an intense contraction in the vagina but I don't touch the clitoris at all. I have no one to talk about such things in real life so its difficult (brought up in a very Christian home).

I wouldn't say sex is bad, just I don't seem to climax, that doesn't make it bad. Just would like to know what its like to climax when making love!

[michelle23]

It sounds like doggy style could be your position. Try it and see do you orgasm from that. Most women dont this way but if clit stimulation does nothing for you that could do the trick. Or else try missionary but ask him to put his hands on your hips and pull you closer and put your legs on his shoulders.

It will take time to perfect positions so dont give up if its uncomfortable the first few times. Dont be afraid to explore and ask him to try new things.

Communication is important.

Look up the g-spot. It sounds like that needs stimulation in order for you to climax. Its in the vagina 2 inches up roughly. Those two positions i mentioned are probably the best to stimulate it.

Or else he could try using his finger inside whilst giving oral and stroking in a come hither motion stimulating the upper wall

[vashti]

I've had what I suppose are orgasms when I'm on my own but they don't involve touching the clitoris

To be honest, I doubt they were orgasms. I know things can feel very good, even without the orgasm, but once you've had one, there is absolutely no mistaking it, no room for doubt.

I think you need to learn how to give yourself an orgasm. Until you can, he will never be able to do it.

[michelle23]

type into google "how to have an orgasm" youll find loads of info and tips.

[smackie9]

I've been with my boyfriend about a year and we see each other two or three times a week. We usually have sex every time we meet up but I find it doesn't do anything for me and is very often uncomfortable. We are both inexperienced despite our age, I don't think I've ever orgasmed with him, stimulating the clitoris has no effect apart from feeling uncomfortable and sometimes painful. Any helpful ideas? Any books that would be useful to read?

You have to really know your own body, so spend time pleasuring yourself, maybe get a small vibrator and lube.

[AbigailR]

Take the advice given, but don't expect immediate results. I've done my research and probably tried just about everything you could think of. I could give myself orgasms all day, but nobody else has ever been able to do it.

[michelle23]

Take the advice given, but don't expect immediate results. I've done my research and probably tried just about everything you could think of. I could give myself orgasms all day, but nobody else has ever been able to do it.

sometimes you gotta spell out to him what you want him to do and you also need to be relaxed and comfortable with him. If your too tense it wont happen

[BondaraGirl]

Try a bit of BDSM! That's certainly not boring... though not necessarily comfortable haha

[Simpo]

Have you tried being on top and in control? Heard that it can be easier for the women to control her climaxing and change up the speed/depth and just control the overall act to help her reach orgasm.

[Am I crazy?]

Realistically? you are just doing it too often and it has become mundane and boring, probably because your partner is getting more out of it than you. My guess is his inexperience just does not make it exciting for you. Your best bet would be to take a break from the sex for a while and work on the things that add passion to your relationship. Once passion is injected the sex will get better.

[michelle23]

Ya ^^ agree with that. Stop having sex for awhile. You could try just touching each other for awhile. Let him figure out how to make you orgasm that way, then try oral. Work up to sex.

That is the best way for inexperienced couples to learn. You dont have to have a strict rule on "no sex" or anything. You can still do that to satisfy him but make sure he works hard on you first.

Best of luck

[devilish]

you're boyfriend doesn't know how to satisfy you

[LifeInflux]

A lot of things go into an orgasm, not just the physical part, but a LOT about an orgasm is mental.

If you are worried about what you're feeling, or have anxiety about him not pleasuring you properly, that can be enough to put an orgasm completely off the map.

As others have stated, finding out what that feels like for you by achieving this on your own is an ideal situation. There are a number of different ways to attain this for you, ranging from direct clitoral stimulation and there is also evidence that some women won't reach a climax without much deeper penetration.

An inexperienced male doesn't help the situation. If he's just lying on you... ... he shouldn't do that.. there are a lot of different positions you can take, you can lie next to eachother if neither has the energy to be on top, or run through any number of similar positions that requires little to no excessive abnormal stabilization. (but just in case, you should tell him that there are plenty of benefits to doing planks. its a work out, youtube it)

As I stated though, mentally you'll have to be there even after you've achieved an orgasm on your own. Think about what it is that turns you on, and focus on that.