she doesnt want to see me?

[fredflinstone]

.....................

[smackie9]

Dude you are an adult, she's a teenager.....it's not wrong, but you both are at different stages of your lives...she has to stay disciplined with her studies...you just have a 9 to 5 job...already you guys are not suited for each other because you have different expectations. You can't do anything to change it. After she finishes school you will have plenty of time to see each other....if it doesn't happen date someone that has the same schedule as you....same kind of life style.

I need to warn you, there's a strong possibility that once this girl gets around drinking age, she's gonna want her freedom to go clubbing and party with her GFs. just giving you something to think about before you get in too deep.

[sadie_genie]

Sounds exactly like what happened between me and my ex. One of the reason we broke up was over this. I think you would understand much better if you have a school schedule too. She probably didn't tell you about her free day because she wanted to have time for herself and some people just need that. Girls like it when guys initiate because it is manly.

[fredflinstone]

Thanks for the replies.

lol now you make me sound like a pedo haha.
I acknowledge that we are at different stages of our lives and there's no denying that. I'm also mindful that she has college/university after this too so it will be a good 3-4 years at least before she has finished studying completely.

I support the fact that she is so dedicated to her studies so I don't think her being a student is the issue. I'm free after 6pm most weekends and can be free most weekends so there's plenty of opportunity and I'm happy for her to "fit me in" around her study schedule - I'm just a little worried she's not initiating when she's busier of the two.

She has also said that she doesn't want me to change my plans with friends for her and she told me last week to hang out with my friends more while she's busy. Should I be worried?

Even when she was on holidays, we would only see each other twice a week and now its down to once every 1.5 weeks
Don't get me wrong - I'm happy to initialise, but its a little off putting when she comes up with a random reason out of nowhere. She's used "I'm not looking the best this week" and "I've already eaten".
Perhaps she just likes the chase?

Cheers for the heads up about the drinking, but that won't be a problem because we're both not drinkers and neither are her friends even though they are all of legal drinking age here.

[MerryH]

You've been "going out" for a month. What does that mean? You've been going on casual dates for a month, or you've been "boyfriend/girlfriend" for a month? I think people use the term "going out" in different ways.

If you've just been casually dating for a month, then you're expecting too much of her so stop making this an issue because it's not a big deal. If you've been boyfriend/girlfriend for a month and she only makes time for you every 1.5 weeks, then I'd say you're not really a priority. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, since she's got school that she needs to focus on. If you're okay with that, then just be content with the time you do get to spend together, and don't expect more.

[Cerby]

Agreed with Merry, if you're just in the "getting to know ya" phase, which you might be, then whatever schedule you have for each other you need to fit each other in. But if you've made the jump to "boyfriend/girlfriend" then you probably aren't seeing each other enough to sustain a relationship.

[DarkHelmet82]

plus 18 is really young.. shes going to go off to college soon.. then what are you gonna do?

[fredflinstone]

You've been "going out" for a month. What does that mean? You've been going on casual dates for a month, or you've been "boyfriend/girlfriend" for a month? I think people use the term "going out" in different ways.

If you've just been casually dating for a month, then you're expecting too much of her so stop making this an issue because it's not a big deal. If you've been boyfriend/girlfriend for a month and she only makes time for you every 1.5 weeks, then I'd say you're not really a priority. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, since she's got school that she needs to focus on. If you're okay with that, then just be content with the time you do get to spend together, and don't expect more.

We jumped straight into the deep end and have been boyfriend/girlfriend for two months. The reason I say "about a month" is because we've both been away on seperate occasions so I'm not counting the time we did long distance as talking on the phone was hard. We did send emails to each other back and forth regularly while we were away though.
I haven't met any of her friends, but I know she refers to me as "my bf" when talking to her closest friends (but hides me from others), so I think we're just past the casually dating stage. I should also mention that this is the first relationship for both of us.

Given this, do you still think I'm expecting too much?

My confusion has arisen from the fact that she has time to talk and text (at a guess, average call time per night would be 45 minutes) but when it comes to meeting up, I'm the one asking and she doesn't sound too keen when I do. Any ideas why this might be?

I'm aware she's still a teenager and I definitely wasn't mature when I was 18. She acts more mature for her age though and our actual age difference is a little over 3 years. We don't see the gap as any problem, in fact she said it was perfect and I share the same view. College/University is about 18 months away and it's common to study locally here, which I'm hoping will be the case. She has mentioned she wants to study abroad and has done the research for it, but I don't know how probable that will be. My view on it is that as much as I'd like to, there's no guarantees we'll last that long so we'll cross that bridge when it gets closer. If I knew right now 100% she'll be going abroad for college, we all know what the right move should be, but that isn't the case and she's just keeping her options open. Do you agree?

[smackie9]

Like I said before.....even with those circumstances, it's looking you both have different relationship expectations. You both want a different type of relationship. You have to actually talk to her about it yourself and ask her where this is going and what she expects out of this relationship.....in a nut shell we can't tell you any of that, you have to get it from her. I feel if you confront her you are not going to like what you hear and you are avoiding that.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Stop being so clingy and don't initiate contact with her as much. Wait for her to text/call you first. Start occupying yourself with other things so you're not so dependent on her for happiness and fulfillment.

Or do you really have nothing else going on in your life at 22? Sad if that's the case.

[smackie9]

Stop being so clingy and don't initiate contact with her as much. Wait for her to text/call you first. Start occupying yourself with other things so you're not so dependent on her for happiness and fulfillment.

Or do you really have nothing else going on in your life at 22? Sad if that's the case.

It's because this is his first....that's why he is asking all these questions....no experience.